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.Pain.
Pain.
Many manipulations engulf my mind
Like a song constantly playing of thoughts to rewind.
continueing to play countless times
as ive reached the interminable pain in an endless line.
meaningless smiles and joyless hello's
Hurtfull I LOVE YOU's and stabbing LET GO'S.
My heart is left, Broken and rotten
My love has been shattered, a friendship forgotten.
.
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"the truth only hurts when let to intrude in a meaningless sense of rudenss in life"
.
.
Too many tears i have cried.
caused from angered emotions that eats away my insides.
No longer can i endure this pain
As my name is shadowed behind, a broken and nameless frame.
an eternity of pain has caused me to believe
for a silth drop of happiness cannot be exchanged to me or achieved.
a fantasy to live with tranquility and peace
a nightmare of struggles, choked with a touch of pain and grieve.
.
.
"Life can only mean an inch in life, if done so with feeling and kindness in your heart"
.
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The past that holds my treasures in life
Now sleeps with the titanic in the cold and weary night.
The future that's said to hold my hopes and dreams
lay's on the dirt battered and bruised, left nothing but a blur to me.
I apologize to those i hold so dear
For the time has STOPPED, my END in life is HERE.
As i grip the knife, i slowly waive my good-bye
For no one left in mu life can save me from the life destined to be mine.
.
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"As the night slowly fades away to dawna new, a soul is lost but never forgotten"
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this was quite a nice peice,you have shown that you have great potential in this peice...your similies are what caught my eye at the start....they were very good,and made the imagery a lot better in this peice.You also did very well with your metaphors
'angered emotions '<---that was a very good metaphor.I feel that you could have done a lot better with the vocab in this peice,I love reading peices with a shit load of complex rhyming and great vocab in them,so I feel you should have placed some more in to this peice. Your rhyme scheme was alright,but it was too common,nearly all of the less developed writers use this scheme,what I mean is that you always had your rhymes at the end of each line,you should try to have a more complex rhyme scheme,peices do not always have to rhyme at the end of each line...it coul drhyme at the start or in the middle,also you could have placed more multie strings in to this peice....just to make it flow that little bit better. But overall this was a very interesting read, and I believe you could be a very very good writer in the future. Keep dropping and elevating. Look at SS verse and the topical Tutorials to help with your elevation. I'll be watching you closely to see how much you elevate lol. peace dude
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word thanks im havin poeta help me elevate so thanks my dude.
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that was very well written very good vocab
it was just dope
there was no wack parts at all
"I apologize to those i hold so dear
For the time has STOPPED, my END in life is HERE."
^this was very descriptive and very good voab and flow
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yo silent i liked this peice man it was very productive with the way you put feeling into words which is hard at times but i feel you accomplished this very well, your vocab was nice could have been better but hey who cares about vocab all the time as long as there is a wide vocab then your good, i seen a type or two i think just one but overall this was a good read keep it up man
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thanks dudes...upping this man dont sleep
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Damn homie even though this piece was basic I still liked it.When I started reading this piece I could really feel the emotion in this piece.And also you had real good Imagry in this piece cuz I could picture what was going on in this piece.And also you used your metaphors good in this piece which made the piece better.And also you came real descriptive in this piece telling everyhing thats was going on.Your structure was good and your use of vocabulary was good too.But overall this was a good piece to read keep up the good work homie :2thumb:
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wordness thanks my dude...you wanna sig us?!..and the fam is happy to have you.THANKZ!
upping this.
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I must agree ..very well written with a huge sence of emotion..
vocab was excellent imagery was good felt like u couldve been a lil more descriptive in certian areas but over all i was with u throw ou the hole thing .which is another good thing i didnt find any one area were u lacked or lost me .flow was on point i didnt feel like u streched things out nor forced anything structure was good and clean didnt make things look any fancier then need be
over all good piece def looking foward to more of ur work family!
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wordness thanks FAM...upping this clean and serene drop of beuty
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fucken nice fam...first off the thing that stood out for me in
this piece was the smoothness of your delivery...real slick...
i dont think i read one harsh transition...good imagery....emotion...
engaging shit u know...yerr nice...content fuck all over nice piece...
im out peace......
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word upping this like i said and thanks my dude!.
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upping this joint its hot man lets go
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