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https://soundcloud.com/rap-god-1-285...377/sets/instr
-That's very nice you got Promise Ring. Hope he's the one for ya. Long as you both trust.
-I'm glad you got a 95 on a test. Do you mind if I ask you what kind of schooling you're in? Are you a young college student--- or....return to school later in life now?
-I been busy releasing a short album Disciple... Burnt out and lost voice rapping.
I’m actually old as fuck… I graduated with my AAS (associates of applied science) when I was like 35 I think. It took me 6 years working full time along the way. But now my memory is fucked and I slur my words sometimes so I can’t go back to corporate. I was an EA for like 17 years. So basically I’m at rock bottom with disability denying me an upteen number of times SO I went to plan b and in cosmetology and hair design now. I’m 6 months in and have a year and 3 months to go!
Thanks for the best wishes… I’m actually turning 45 in a couple of weeks but started writing on this site in like 2010 I think… I love writing I do it for free but wanna get paid
As far as me and my bf - freaky shit I wrote about in Hail Mary where we were toe to toe like that… and he? He went off the hook and went to jail but I wrote him when the weird shit popped off and what’s crazy is I really think we were soulmates and that’s why the world “paused” like that…that night. And why it never worked with anyone else now that he’s out of jail (from serving 25) it’s like life is falling back into place. We doing shit the legal way the slow way but I’m excited he’s back now
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What’s your story?
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Now I know why I used to crack up at Game in spider joke when he said “get your ass in the trunk” … he got pulled over with someone in the trunk! I mean it’s not funny but we was all crazy back then… the 90s to now is a completely different world. I respect him for not snitching despite the years they gave him. I respect him for paying his debt. I respect him for us building slow and steady rather than to risk him going back.
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Like I can truly say I’m at peace now… and it hasn’t been this way in a long while. He really is my angel and I think pac and signs from his videos and stuff kept us together. I never did have kids and a psychic once said I’d have 3… he was in jail and that’s where my 3 kids went… and we both say that. But we have now regardless what we lost then and trying to make the most of it. People gonna talk mad shit cause I’m crazy and he was lethal so I wanna make sure we just doing better then our haters
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Voice… 2 teaspoons lemon juice… one teaspoon honey
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@Echelon I see you posing on open mic - I really hope this site coming back to life… I’ll catch up on all them later
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I’m actually scared though about my slur… my drs say everytime you go insane you do more and more brain damage. I hit insanity like 9-11x and am seeing a Neuro for the first time next month. I’m just scared what they gonna find :o(
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I’m actually mad they didn’t send me sooner…
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@pharoah I listened… you’re good you got some em and twista in your flow
https://youtu.be/cx9DZuPseNQ
My bf loved it… he said he listened to styles P for 2 months straight
He just broke my heart I love him so much… he was like at least we all had a taste before and he just wanna see and experience it too. And I feel him I have but that’s why I want to get it back too!
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We had the slow and steady talk with my mom and dad as the fable example… my dad a risk taker and my mom was slow and steady building. My dad died with $3k in the bank… my mom is retired now!
https://soundcloud.com/ryanmcneilly/...h-somethin-mix
GOOD Mashup of famous rappers.
https://youtu.be/YSGlkG5bHY8
My bf says this our song for real…
Went to the psychic yesterday and she said I have a lot of explaining to do in sorting things I said out that could be taken one way or the other. She said I’m not wrong I just need to tell people the reasons why now that all has calmed down
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I mean the only thing holding on my head when she said that was the thirsty pics and like that was for team fat girl and hardly offensive. But that’s what my man hate the most - he say it made me look a certain way and that’s not a good look
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Being as old as I am he right… it’s not a good look… ok
https://youtu.be/_XWjtK5wJmk
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This popped up on my feed today… wanna listen
People always wanna know why I post so many selfies and stuff and I’ll be real it is psychological… I moved down south and my ex was paying my storage… he got mad I met someone and stopped paying but by the time I knew that the bill was over $1000!!! I lost my picture albums and my baby book and only have maybe 20 pics of me growing up thru the years. I don’t ever wanna feel like I’m being deleted off the earth again… cause when you live my life that’s just how it feel. ALSO because as a thick woman more then half my life I’m so about team fat girl… so when them skinny bitches posting I don’t get jealous… I rather have my shape any way!!! NOBODY hits on me when I’m skinny LoL
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My bf don’t get it while I was posting ass shots and stuff and I see his point NOW… but half the shit he say I’m trying to be sexy about I wasn’t even… you know?!??? I’m actually deleting most of my accounts
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So he won my respect and then starting cracking up when he saw the scribbles in my note book… what’s that underground song by 50? About see where scribbling get you? No where great yet but one I hope to be!
Sorry I’ll get off your feed just got some real advice about me needing to explain myself more cause words can be taken in many different ways
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So he won my respect and then starting cracking up when he saw the scribbles in my note book… what’s that underground song by 50? About see where scribbling get you? No where great yet but one I hope to be!
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Dmx was really relevant in my fall and lyrics and getting me thru it like silent screams…
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I know how that relate to Get Rich or Die Trying
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My boyfriend… I went the soul mate route where we were standing toe to toe with straight black eyes… and that’s not on some gangster shit it’s on my life changed that night too… and now that he’s out I realize why, I realize why I was walking underground, I realize why I never had kids, and why it never worked with anyone else. It’s scary the spiritual stuff jumping into a hell just to find out why or the weird shit like that but it was the best decision of my life to write him on this yolo shit! And it really is all calming down now that he’s out… I don’t feel so alone and laying on him I just exhale like I can literally die in his arms and be fine with it… he’s my peace and comfort
He’s also my angel… and because of him I was able to get back up!
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He went in when I was 17 he was 19 and he only been out 2 years still adjusting. Working making positive steps and trying to get into motivational speaking
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I’m really so proud of him and my buji az mom actually loves him too
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I turned 45 today
My sister copped the DMX album in the late 90s and we bumped that shit.
He’s got some powerful songs n delivery.
Some songs it’s great and his bark grating rough voice is good and matches the mood solidly.
But then, sometimes I’m on the 5th song in row and his voice gets to me.
Used to play a PC game of a physics engine crashing cars on the roads n highways to an agressive DMX song on repeat.
Wish I could remember the exact title. Plus my fav track of his.
Ttyl “Sis”. Happy birthday.
~PA
Fuckin merkedQuote:
Originally Posted by A Disciple
Somehow you’re on my ignore list and I can’t read what you’ve said
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Thank you pharaoh it was an ok to good night… like better than most!
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https://youtu.be/F4fAknWgR9w
Triangle… like 50 and them in Cameron’s voice, I’m the man, but anyways triangle. I pose like that and then I can tell when they do or pretend to too… like people who have hurt me and I’m not cool with and nah like… what does that even mean? I trust triangle and 50 and the camp but when I tell someone they have to get away from me they have to go. And that’s where I feel powerless and get mad
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Deep stare yeah… I’m a prolly spin tonight
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Like I don’t know what to trust other then he is keeping it 100 maybe but nah like… my bf… I pray he don’t betray me too. And I see what it look like and what ever… yeah they get that point too
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Hey… the only people who matter or worth the respect kept it real and true with me. I see how it look… for those who think I was some trick… yeah I believe in Allah I’m just not allowed to put any gods over mine! Like I was tripping religiously cause the offenses was too and I thought I would’ve been protected in spirit like that too.
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And all eyes, and pac, my 3 shadows to seeds like… I guess now I know why… I’m not gonna walk away bitter it’s more like but we here now… you know?
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Yo if everyone is watching then why we haven’t been paid yet?
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So in like reality…
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He said I was 50 years old I shouldn’t be posting pg rated but shots… like 45 ok and I get it. But I don’t have kids to gauge my age and then it’s like wait… I do or I don’t and my mom say no and I trust her advice. It break my heart but ok…
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He said I was 50 years old I shouldn’t be posting pg rated but shots… like 45 ok and I get it. But I don’t have kids to gauge my age and then it’s like wait… I do or I don’t and my mom say no and I trust her advice. It break my heart but ok… and nah I just have a bunch of I know for facts though
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I’m really fucked up with the situation with my bf right now though… I love him to death but he caught. He say no this or that but ok… and I have her number but I couldn’t find an anonymous texting site and then I’m like. Smmfh
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He owe me not her but she was calling someone ugly
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I hate bitches like that!!!!!
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It was a text of her kicking it and I don’t like that he even entertained it writing back or continuing the conversation or what ever
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Cause technically he has a girlfriend
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That make me look so stupid right? But we vibe and bond and I can literally die in his arms it’s peace and comfort
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What would you do?
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Can I kick people out of triangle conversations?
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Nah we supposed to get married spiritually so he can watch my back… and I’m like that’s backwards cause I acknowledge legal or spirtual and always assumed both. But like we have steps to build, people to protect, and best lives to lead and eventually it’d be legal even though we have to pay incarceration back. WTF IS THAT?!?
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I’m a smart girl… I realize the lies overmounted with yeah it was sent from my phone somehow that they have me pegged to look like that too and I’m just like what ever for real. It’s a lesson I learned… most men that are pigs are bi and give me credit… he wasn’t hitting shit - never did - never can - never will!!!! Like most I can name
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I don’t like this extra spirit bullshit unless they’re mine
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https://youtu.be/UDfhE_dmER4
Like it feel like they were hating on me like I wrote it!
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Passing me and my life around like a game or a joke
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Not to be paranoid delusional but I get it and nah it wasn’t ever a joke what they put me thru
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It’s not forgiveble and not even an honorable mention
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I caught on when ray and Linda lied about the suicide note on my computer
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But what like 7 months after?
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You really put me thru a living hell and nightmare on REPEAT. Fuck you fuck her fuck them fuck out of here
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What else on the agenda?
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My bf wanna put out a track and I wanna kick in how much YOU THOUGHT I didn’t know or figure out already and let slide
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Like my rims Jess and Von… it’s all good I got perellis
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I had an ok birthday… my bf cool as fuck and I love him to death but he got until I graduate to decide for real
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I wanted to write I miss writing
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I should go to sleep even though I wish I could skip work tomorrow
I got a lot on my mind… prolly no sleep tonight but I’ll try…
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I can’t keep what the hitch was saying out my head but nah I ain’t the type to diss…
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I didn’t flash my ring I flashed my nails though )o)
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Mutual acquaintances… it will get solved
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Going to sleep take 2
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Sometimes we get to take 10-15 and I’m not letting anyone fuck up my rest!
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Especially a bum bitch with an exaggerated sense of self… who the fuck are YOU calling ugly?
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For real though… and I’m not even like that
Word of advice.
(Obviously)Work on your mental health ‘til the point where you decently enjoy yourself, your own company, your own THOUGHTS ffs.
It can be the turning point in (a crazy person’s) life. Truly.
Disciple, I am not quite as old as you. But still up there and, I’ve learned that nowadays I’m pretty damn awesome. I do have a good friend or two, some acquaintance, family, etc. But do you see my point?
I could be alone all day. I can “think” conversations/ even jokes to myself. I can write or play madden or watch tv or YouTube and NOT NEED a Fucking girlfriend or significant other to validate my existence or self-worth.
Now. Who tf cares. Frankly. That you’re 45. And Bi. And crazy. And posted a few clothed butt pics on social media. Well frankly who t f cares. Yeah if I was a bf I wouldn’t want you chasing pu$$ and posting assshots. But still. Sounds like kind of a loser too. Who, like you needs another soul to validate his. Drop the whining bitch and chase puss on the weekends??? I donno.
Just need you to rethink the gf-bf dynamic. Whether it’s even necessary.
*Edit:
Just so we’re clear, I’m calling your bf the whining bitch, not you.
My bf is my soulmate and heart for real… and I know I thought I been in love lots of times before but this is why it never worked with anyone else… I was single for years and years waiting for someone to come back that never did. I don’t know where I would be without my angel! Like it’s complicated yeah but I do know he is the one… we were just laughing at a post that showed up on memories and it was like from 2014 when I stopped dating and his baby mom just so happen to be one that liked it. They don’t get along… thanks for the advice though! You sound smart and yeah I get it the but pic wasn’t a good look or thought out but ONE I refuse to put one of these skinny bitches ass that’s our choice of avatar here. I’m proud to be a fat girl… you know? (Just need to get in shape again :o)
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My bf not a whiny bitch he cool as fuck and spent most of his life in jail… we just adjusting now. But I swear anyone that meet him would love him… including my mom. He cool peoples trust
To be honest… on this spiritual and religion stuff… it feel like they come and kick my ass anytime they feel like it and I’m just tired of being a victim to people soooo petty!
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Ps not bi… never did no bi shit
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I’m not greedy, selfish, or spoiled (maybe a little spoiled) but like I want to catch up to my brother and sister!
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It’s so disrespectful to feel like someone’s personal vehicle
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The pins, taps, splashes… I have a man so who is that? And why so abusive and disrespectful? Do you comprehend what someone (what a lot of people) did to me and for how long… like! I’m not going to be forced to share my body or soul with no one but my bf the ONLY person I ever agreed to
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That’s why we spiritually married and maybe it is time to take oath on that… like we plan to but do I have to speed it up? I mean how do you get a witch or spirit infection out?