timing :)Quote:
Originally Posted by NoNun2
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timing :)Quote:
Originally Posted by NoNun2
I stole the Lex in my pajamas… cause I woke up still running for my life
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Why all this just didn’t get solved then?
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My dr had a legal obligation to report me bleeding black with dbt9 in my drug test to the law - at very minimum exPlain what happened to me not say I t was a psychosis
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My paycn*
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Psych*
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@Candy I was so excited posting my tats praying for a win … but my bf got mad saying I was showing my body and it just escalated from there. I told him I’m trying to get both us paid but he wasn’t trying to hear and allegedly don’t even want it
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Dolo again I guess…
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Me personally it just feel better to love than hate but evidentially there’s not too many of us
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I don’t need friends I got ghosts
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I’m not gonna ever forget my very small circle though
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Dr Nathan strahl but I can’t even make a police report let alone find a lawyer to help me
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Every time I reported it they just threw me in mental even when I had a cut on my vv to prove it too
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I can prove with medical records that if I didn’t report it I got to go home wake med in Raleigh
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Fighting for mental health is worth dying for… I’m not scared anymore
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Cause pac taught me if you have nothing to live for you better find something to die for
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https://youtu.be/3V6arJZgFL4
Thanks Angel ���� Angels… I love biggie too just can’t talk about shit lol
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I was so mad at biggie saying that… of course you usually die when shot
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I have hope though because pac died before biggie
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I would though… I despise my old friends
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Me getting shot was a family issue and I dismiss it on the strength of Ashley
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She was way to young and a great mother - it broke my heart too
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That don’t mean I ever wanna see you guys again it means the kids can call if they ever need help
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I caught you snitching though
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And I will put that on blast… WTF gives you the right to set up innocent people? Why? For cash or cause you just dumb?
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I heard your brother will teach you now and good… I’m gone
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Who wanted me dead and why though?
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I’ve sucked death so much I’m just sick as hell from it all
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Ducked*
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Praying we even and at peace
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Someone’s on my phone too fucking with my head - no joke - they even sent inappropriate texts to my hell mate
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My screen turns black sometimes too or does stupid shit by itself
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Fucking with the head of a woman who is mentally ill is a hate crime and if it isn’t it should be
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He doesn’t love me anymore either
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The way I see it is they don’t know if they can bring me back anymore… last psychosis it took like a week and like just let me live and have fun - it almost feels like hospice
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I do want to be treated for my atrophy that my neuro dismissed
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It scares me when I forget how to swallow
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I read one place it means that it’s eroded or smaller and then another place brain damage idfk
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But I don’t want to die with or get Alzheimer’s either
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It scares me that no one has talked to me about it
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Welcome to hell… you’ve been diagnosed with a schizo I might call it… I was 24 I think but my first in patient at 13
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When I was first diagnosed I knew the social ramifications and sometimes would just bust out crying in my car. And yes… it’s truly been hell
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I wish I had a coach to get me thru
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Well I’m wondering if the atrophy has anything to do with the back of my head being shaved at 14 - it scares me because Paul Fox was my psych then and the psych involved with the Newtown child massacre
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Some psychs go against the fiber of my core being but I need my drs - it’s just hard to trust them
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Especially since I seen Hollins shaking his head no in inpatient when the Dr was interviewing me
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Like don’t tell them everything and it woke me up too
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They fabricated like 80% of my reports
I’ll be strong unless I get bored lol
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https://youtu.be/Q89lhcDWmR8
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Someone’s post on fb reminddd me of this song
I think you a great body especially your booty.. my mum is hip hop n she said your cute..
Ps dope track
Someone’s post on fb reminddd me of this song
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I’m gonna need a lot more money if I have to spend this much time alone… working on more books
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I think the break up is official - he doesn’t love me anymore
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@Candy my body went to hell the second my hell mate got out but now that I have more free time I’m hoping to get back to the gym life when I was happiest and regulated without medicine - I quit cause I almost had a heart attack in step class cause of the meds and then they also closed my gym and I didn’t feel comfortable in any gym I tried… now that I know why I’m gonna try to go back - I used to love it
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Zumba and step is my favorite
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After the attack in myrtle beach they put me on meds
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I’m beyond pissed
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It was ptsd not psychosis and they knew that only I didn’t
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Like I’m some test dummy or something
I always loved the song but it hits different tonight… totally love it
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Music made me better when psych got me all fucked up - not all of psych some of it
Why do my boy friends have fuck then if they’re my friends though? ATM told me that he said don’t be friends with her or I have to fuck them. I was just standing up for what was coming for me if I actually did sould
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You ain’t special bitch
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Have to fuck them*
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So that was how that had happened huh - that’s a long time
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I’m waiting for the man that wouldn’t do me like that
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I have like 2 friends that wouldn’t
Respect
I waited for you to come back for 8 years… why would you now?
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Sick as fuck only got 3 hours sleep… I’m going to hibernate until Tuesday
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I’m broken
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I’m hurt…
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Cause I don’t want to be friends with people that play games like that
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And I definitely didn’t deserve to be the object of it
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This one definitely almost had me… I even put my ring on pac
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OUR family ring
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Sorry for being a stupid bitch again
Cause I don’t want to be friends with people that play games like that
Cause I don’t want to be friends with people that play games like that
I wrote in marker in the notebook that “you will never rape me again” and had the blanket they peed on, the hair in my shower that wasn’t mine, a sock and MAD evidence to prove it and I told the cop that too… nope Cheryl goes back to mental
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I showed to officer the huge garbage bag of evidence in my closet
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They didn’t give a fuck… it makes me feel like Raleigh police dirty - until I realized the cop that shot me up in the ambulance didn’t even have a cop car so I’m just like was any of them real police?
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“Told my girl to get the fuck down”
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Just cause I’m a souldier doesn’t mean I’m not a woman cause I’m not even bi
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Shit got real at swap spit
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I didn’t know who was doing it or how many… lucky it was just one twisted psych I think
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You know they tried to blame flex after I already caught them snitching on him and setting him up the first time?
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My blue tooth name was flex
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I know for fact someone that could and would do all that was not too stupid to make an anonymous blue tooth name
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It’s the feds… they refuse to admit that they were wrong I feel
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And I was almost military myself and it hurts my heart
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You were wrong… ok?
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And even more wrong to sit there and watch and let them
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I feel them stupid bitches in my flesh and it makes me so mad that I don’t know how to get them out
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It feels gross
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They’re gross
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I only tell when it’s in my man’s target - I caught a lot - the truth been told - and it’s solved
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I pick up on conversations and stuff
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I want to throw up just thinking about it
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Stop throwing pussy at my man he was locked up for 26 years
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J think that by now he should’ve curbed it… me? I’m just like idk it makes me mad insecure too
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I can’t stick to my word about some things lately and it’s irritating me
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Nah I have no clue how he’d even find the time to
https://youtu.be/UIYtY92itKM?si=kuXi-mjmLdV8bmjD
I miss you too Pac… Merry Christmas guys 🖤🥀🕊️
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Why you don’t ever come back unless I have a man though… I waited one year SOLID for you to come back… cried when I had to date again and waited 8 until my hell mate got out… it’s just do you love me or the game? Like… you already know I’m not that bitch to cheat anymore
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I learned my lesson when I cheated on Ced… it made me feel gross
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Everyone else… WE WERE BROKE UP except the ONE time when my and Ricardo got in a fight cause he wouldn’t come to ct with me but wanted to check on me all hours of the night
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It pissed me off and I had to be with Ced to be sure
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He can’t marry a white girl though
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Considering it goes there to there and back there… I already know
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I get it now
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Some of it
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My family is so small and far away and now that my gma gone we not doing a thing for Christmas - we celebrated last night
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I got like 10-15 cousins in Cali
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5 on the east coast but they all way younger than me
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I come from a VERY small family
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Nobody ever stuck up for me but me… I had to hold my own - but pac taught me how to
I remember they were from New York, I remember how we met and played spin the bottle, I spun the bottle and it landed on him - I remember because it was the first time I kissed a black guy, then he spun and it landed on me - he got up to move and said let me spin again and I got offended and ran away crying… he grabbed the bottle to follow me and said he just wanted to see if it would land on me again… then we kissed until 9pm when I had to go in - he taught me how to he sensual like you got to talk and explore with your kiss… any ways we would meet at 7pm in the hotel lobby every nite… he knew I was a virgin so he said he’d wait and he wanted me to really think about it be sure and be ready - I came up to him in the pool the next day to tell him I was ready… that night I snuck out the room and we made love on the beach while it was raining… I snuck back into my room telling my dad I was hungry and was at the vending machine… we ran up a huge bar tab that my dad was laughing at shocked it was me that did it and not my brother… anyways we were off the hook and did it every where the pool, the couches on the 2nd floor conference room, etc… my last or next to last day I went to give him head only we didn’t see my brother and his friend walk in so my brothers friend throw me into the pool with my clothes on saying chill out… there’s so much more too it… and I can point to the exact spot we picked to watch the fireworks, or the time he sat on my face when I was tanning on the beach… the time his boy wouldn’t leave and I got mad and he always followed me type when I did and that’s what I fell in love with too. These memories came back flooding when I was shot and I remember the entire week but not much back in ct… I remember being pregnant, I remember when I picked Jiceras name my sister didn’t like it, I remember throwing up and running away cause I was scared my dad was coming home from a business trip and already caught me throwing up in the bathroom late night and stomach viruses are only 24 hours… I lied to him about my age and I remember waiting for him to come with a pit in my stomach cause I had to tell him I lied ro him AGAIN… I lied about my name when we met
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I was in patient and there is so much more too much to type but I think he visited me every Thursday
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He was late for lamaz once
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And everything how I remembered it prior to getting shot was wrong… them psychs and drs did good at brainwashing me
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But they couldn’t delete the emotions I felt
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Which made me remember when I finally looked back
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Like when my mom made me pull down my pants and prove I had my period and stuff… my family still insist I never had a baby but I know for facts I did and have the picture and details to prove it
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My family still trust psych and do and say whet they say to
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My fathers sister is a psych
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He wears his bandanna like that cause I had the bottom back of my head shaved and would wear mine like that when I wanted to wear my head up… on my 16th bday I cheated on him cause I already didn’t remember him so he got married even though I’m still sure he divorced cause he was coming back for me anyway
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Hair up*
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2 of my bosses were black panthers and I didn’t know how they would feel about me dating a black man so I changed my bfs name to Seth lmao
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https://youtu.be/qurhsou1_nk
I have no reason to lie cause fame always scared me and I knew the hardships that come with it… I prefer to blend in a crowd but still look and feel my best…. Everyone thinks I’m some attention seeker but nah, that’s not it at all… all the instantly started with my outbursts cause someone was hurting me
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I can only confirm my shooting with similar facts of having my baby
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The scars the pics the memories enterprise writing off the car the ambulance death the defrib
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The psychs are making it and making me worse not better by hiding the truth from me all the time like the gang rape in Myrtle beach
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I got to heaven and didn’t even know my own life story… I think god was PISSED
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They may have actually physically taken my memory… I only had one other catscan at unc to check if the atrophy was there then - they doagnosed me with mild dystonia
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I saw Mary in the exray picture at the bottom back of my head
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I have no fucking clue what’s going on and nobody will tell or help me
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Guys I’m just saying everyone who could help is getting defamed and arrested… they only let you get away with shit for so long until it’s your turn to be black mailed - I learned to live like someone was always watching cause of my father
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That’s why I don’t do shit I can’t admit to cause if I can’t I probably shouldn’t be doing it - that’s what I want jicera to learn too
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I can see his eyes or feel his touch from ANYWHERE he’s my angel for real
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I don’t know if he got our daughter I just remember one day we getting the lecture that it costs a million dollars to raise a child from 0-18 to being so mad mad at my mom wishing death on her
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Probably the worst thing I ever did but I was so mad and sad
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She got cancer like literally weeks later and I freaked out even more cause of it - I feel so bad I even thought it
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What makes me mad is I was mentally ill to begin with… I used to cut my wrists when my parents would fight - they later said that was my way of letting someone know there was a problem in my home
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I DESPISE DRAMA AND FUGHTING AND ARGUEING TO THIS DAY
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It literally makes me sick too
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I didn’t have to be this sick and I’m mad about that too
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I worked, went to school, and was in the gym 6 hours a week - AND a bf… nah I didn’t have much time for friends and them bitches fronting - we ain’t been close in a MINUTE prior…
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I always used to work mad overtime too
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They didn’t have to do me like that though…
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I fall EVERYTIME I finally get back in the gym… but I’m a still try to again
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They kick my ass every time and I don’t know how to protect myself from their religion
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Idk how they got my freewill to begin with but am grateful that Fred and June do LMMFAO
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I have real friends too… they just took me away from all them
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My life line when I was shot was split second memories of EVERYTHING
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I didn’t believe in the impossible and didn’t realize shit like that could be real was some of the insanity, being lied to the other, and with the ptsd my body and reactions were stronger than me… like when I was moving out of Norwalk - I couldn’t sleep the night prior and my step dad demanded we had to move at this specific time then the first thing he did when we got to the apartment was put a mattress over the window and I got scared ran, stole my moms car and ran to the police
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Again they should’ve explained to me I was shot and someone was after me and that’s why I fell into psychosis and my emotions were stronger than me
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I used to steal my families cars all the time
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Idky when I get sick I still steal cars but to my defense only when running for my life lol
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When I was a kid*
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Man we used to steal my moms ac allllll the time even my bf would steal it
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She used to be asleep by 9pm and had the back window…
Y window faced the parking lot
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One time when me a Dana stole it I fell down the stairs sneaking out the house and made noise and we were laughing cause she like should we wait to take it and I was like nah we good - and we were good - summer night blasting sugar hill
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They took me away from all my real friends intentionally too
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My entire family fell apart in 1991 all of them… my biggest wish is now that we are all back together - I don’t know if it would be right or wrong to find Jicera
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I don’t want to ruin her life or have her walk out of it again… that shit was nothing but pain
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But my code was die for my child and we got her here
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I still would any date or time too
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Pac… why all my friends sleep with my bf and why do all my bfs sleep with my friends? That’s what I want to know
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Never in my life I ever did that to anybody
https://youtu.be/cI9ifCMk0Dg
She not better than me and I don’t owe her a thing - get her off me!!! lol
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Call it underground
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Cause they kick my ass this way so it all balances out - see bitches I get my ass kicked too
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It all balance out
Give me 30 minutes and the book is already pulled together… I just don’t believe in paying to publish
50 I can only explain why it took 10 years for myself… I was unaware, I blacked it out, I was in denial and ashamed… it takes that long to build the courage to tell somebody that you were defiled and degraded and it doesn’t go away… it just knaws at you every day until you get to a point that you don’t want to live like that anymore and you try too hard to all that it takes to just heal and get justice
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At first you think it’s your fault
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And then by the time you realize it’s not - that can take some years too… I agree with South Carolina that there should be no statutes when it comes to sex crimes
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Yes…. With my friend again
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Neither will admit it but they’re caught
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He got mad and broke up with me for accusing him and she said I’m crazy in my head
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That peace and comfort though… I’m conflicted
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The funniest part his other gf probably just sitting their laughing at the stupid bitches fighting over him cause he probably with her too… he says they just live together but I know better
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He thinks the ratio in my city 5 girls to every man… nah… I want my own man - one I don’t have to worry about or I need an arrangement based on respect nor love
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Not love*
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I don’t like the ups and downs… I like steady
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And I like supporting myself… can you please stop wasting money fucking with me and my head and pay me for my writing and story?
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I noticed with my bfs that nobody want me writing… but I don’t want anybody that I can’t write with
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https://youtu.be/j85UDykomWA
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I was sleep walking again and opened my drawer lmao my bf was here but what do I do when he isn’t?
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Ghost’s have literally picked me up in the air in my sleep lol that’s the part of crazy I refuse to let go of
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The ones that drive me home when I’m lost and confused and grab my steering wherl and shit
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I was step braiding everyone’s hair when I was inpatient at 13… now they wanna have another reason why I went to hair school
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They do… they all put themselves on pedestals and shoot down at me
@Candy new years was yesterday or tomorrow? 2025 here in 20 minutes… hoping to reach 2m in 6 months - you with me? Do you put www.raphattles.com in all your ig posts?
My bf got real mad at me tonight and was saying some things like if it really happened I wouldn’t have this or that… but it’s like when you find out if you a killer or not… too many predict they either will or won’t pull it but you really never know until you there at that moment
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Yeah I put my step braid in… gonna put in 2 more too
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I showed him my scars and asked straight up if I was shot or not and he wouldn’t answer me either
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Slimy old creepy man… I’m not impressed take your money and your clout and go find somebody that will actually give a fuck about you
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I’ll put in the prenup that if I kill you the money still all mine if you want
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Old men creep me out
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And control freaks even piss me off more
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Pac and some of the drs agree… one in the morning really does help
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Even he let me
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You people act like ny mind even gonna see 60… I want to enjoy life not surpress fun shit for the sake of when I’m older
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I know
i dont put tags on any more nicki minaj made a post and said just promo the main channel mines google/youtube where you search for mine and your name and rapbattles we are pretty famous..Quote:
Originally Posted by NoNun2
yes im with you happy new years..
get the 2 million
https://youtu.be/mTix47_W430
He a dick riding faggot just like the rest of them… I’m better then a jump off
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Nobody loves me 50… I was just his jump off
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Why am I always the jump off?
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I only drink to cry… it’s the only way I can
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I have no friends I have nobody
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Why am I always the jump off?
https://youtu.be/hzOW1ZS680A
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I have the most twisted dreams ever… last night? I saw my father he faked his own death, my old friend was sleeping with my Fiance, and I was sleeping with my other old friend which was a female and she had a dick!!!! Gross as fuck lmao
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Twisted as fuck
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I can’t even escape my mental health in my sleep!!!!!
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I always have dreams about my old friends like we still friends or ever will be again - it’s annoying as hell like even my dreams are disrespecting me!!!!
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This song was popular when I was in inpatient as a kid
Street of Philadelphia v2
https://youtu.be/4z2DtNW79sQ
I can’t explain the pain I feel right now… exiled for being insane and trying to explain how… when we reach the depths of grip
just remember I ain’t lie to you one bit
Sit my brother I’ll explain to you how, how as a woman and why right now
I don’t know friendship and I don’t know love all I knew was war and the makings of what it come of
I have a family of 5 and lost 2
I lost everything inside myself and the reprecussions of what life do
But every dream I ever had I saved to give you
One last breath in this fight
And all the rest thru
God over everything and nobody can really say what to him be wrong or right. I had a soul I had a passion I had a mother who taught me high fashion …
But like all that is gone now in just one night
it’s like I just lost every fight
I watched your eyes as you drove away
A pain I despise that hurts in every way
You have a chance and I’d never take that from you
But to understand me more is what I was trying to do
I had a memory of sitting in the cold rain
Stuck in a storm and stare from all this told pain
Is it the same?
I really don’t know…
I’m a dead man walking and it’s really not for show
Just wanted you to know…
Why on the streets we all grow
Why on these beats my pen flow
Why a defeat when it was us standing toe to toe
Why does it feel like they are literally in my flesh? How do I make my old friends just leave me alone?
My high school friend JV past away on the 5th… last night I think we were talking. I went to an alternative center for school before they were popular so we all were “bad” kids… but on the weird so many of us have past away young - so I told him I didn’t do it but if I make it - I’m a write it and build it so all you all live forever
Ironically I’m at school and 2 of the girls married the man they met at age 13
https://youtu.be/0vX3PBsS5mE
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I had a feeling Magic was your old security… why he just didn’t tell me that?
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That day when he said you’d be disappointed changed my whole worlld… so I got back up
I’m trying to find what I wrote back to sweet serenade… I hate when I lost shit - I think it started with “I was registered 4/28/78” or born 4/26/78
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Am I April?
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That’s why what they wrote was so good I was jealous lmao
I don’t want to be that bitch that makes excuses for him but yo I love that man to death and fighting back for this one 🖤
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Like… I know… I know for facts… she came at him cause he can only see mutual friends and didn’t know her last name
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But he played back… for over a year and even started to treat me different… we back and good now
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I just always thought MY man wouldn’t do me like that… or more confused like why would he be my peace and comfort if they did do me like that?
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Yo bitch… even if you DO steal my man… I ain’t going NO WHERE just CAUSE now
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I’m not losing him or my peace and comfort ever again - unless it’s fake
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I ain’t going no where either… you wanted to share… FINE we share but I’m not sleeping with if YOU still are
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We not KKK I don’t have to fuck her bf now
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At least I’m not
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I love my bf and I will stand still
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McDonald’s has streak egg and chess bagels… I’m about to eat breakfast but it’s snowing
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Strak* I can’t stand a ghost that type thru me
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FOR REAL
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Steak*
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It’s not annoying it’s pompous and disrespectful
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I remember when ONE night of all night pacing would mean I’m sick and forced to inpatient
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My mom gonna be mad if I don’t go but idk what to do…. No sleep is equivalent to drunk to me
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Like I can’t even drive right type
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I hate being told what to do… sometimes it feels like if you just let me do it my way it will work out
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Their way isn’t helping me either
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I’ll take a nap until 7:30am and see how I look and feel
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When I’m tired I slur more and that’s sober or I look HORRRIBLE and feel uncomfortable… a lot on my mind means I won’t be able to keep up conversation… I think I decided I’m staying home but we see… nobody got Powerade either
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There’s an sxceprion in place - I forgot my note from the therapist
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Exception*
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Can’t wait for McDonald’s breakfast… I’ve been saving for 3 months to
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NO LIE,,, THAT BROKE
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I’m still spending my money on getting fatter now
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I miss my old meds
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Still spending money - it’s just all on food it feels like
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Nah that’s not my look either
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3 months for McDonald’s though… only homeless people know what that feels like
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And it’s been going on for YEARS
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Tired of being a leach and burden
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I was so happy with the money my dad left me to support myself
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It was only enough for like 6 months but I was happy again
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Whoa it’s snowing but I’d have to save for another 3 months to pay for uber eats to deliver
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Im gonna take a nap
Can’t find the changes draft on A disciple… I have it printed and love going back to read them and feel the fire again - fire like strength -
https://youtu.be/vK9n8213zno?si=9Zlotlz9kZev372k
I forgot what I was gonna say pac 🥲
https://youtu.be/H13BH2q79Mk
I’m so proud of my nephew who is lead guitarists in black… and I’ll get it back for you 😘😇
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They self produced but I’m trying to get him on too… he give me a run for my money writing too
All I know is I had a bad dream, my head burned off, I moved back home, traced 1000 confessions started writing then my step dad got rid of the computer said it was broken and got a new one… I started dressing tacky feeling like 1000 different people - was closing my eyes letting go of my steering wheel looking for angels that retarded and shit - my mom took me to psych I took one pill and it was all gone that’s like 2004 I think
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I lost my job at ibm
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Got back up… then came 05 06… I think I got sick more cause I heard about Juno and not the witchcraft of a crazy stupid bitch
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They had me so confused even I doubted myself for shit I know for facts not… they still in my dreams saying I’ll be happy and have money again… HELL TO THE FUCK NO
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I refuse to compromise… get their religion off me and tell me wtf is really going on… why can’t anyone tell me that?
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I’m going to try to sleep
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It’s like you’re in your own world hallucinating and every thing lines up so it can only be god… but fear straight fear - I remember locking myself in the gas station with my phone trying to call my grandma cause I didn’t want to go to mental
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You have no control over yourself and you black out for days in there - all black like sleeping when you don’t dream
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Gas station bathroom*
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My shadows run me… that time it was like a map of shadows on the wall
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Idk what they did to be honest
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One time I snapped myself out cause I couldn’t control laughing in front of the retafded kid literally - I had to go outside to breathe - I was with my sister
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Run me nah I just meant when I got lost and crying in a parking lot for 45 minutes it was a jump in, duh, type home on my navigation
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Got home my mom came in my room and I had to go to mental
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Nah they do it for fun but it’s a legit mental issue too - so I’m tag teamed with no help to and by too
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NO way in hell
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My old friends did it for fun… they’d call my mom and lied on me
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Or the suicide note I never wrote
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It’s like being forced into a world you don’t want to be in and you’re less than to people who are less than
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If you don’t walk in my scars then don’t come to my field
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you may want to be friends but I don’t
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Why am I so powerless over them?
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Idk how to think first… I just react at first
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Then I think… then I speak… it’s a super slow process
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I want to cross back over and only hallucinate for a reason
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It feels like my life has been sacrificed to them and it’s not fair
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I didnt get anything I wanted and it’s not fair… not gonna lie I had an ok lite until mb2010
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But my family is what I wanted more than anything
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Life*
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I don’t like the ones that are stronger than me
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Trying to get mine back and don’t understand why they’re not
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why do I feel tied by these bitches?
I am SO proud of Nico
https://youtu.be/H13BH2q79Mk
I love all the new pac remixes
Why my shit always go missing… where is ready or not?