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https://youtu.be/P6g0E66ub3s?si=Q1lNvTN8Zt55Yqvg
FIREE… can you make an album out of all these songs? We don’t have CDs anymore idk how to get them all in a row while I’m driving… when you coming to get us pac? It was funny - yeah- I’m a ghost!!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING MY ANGEL PAC… BIG you too
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Where’s Jicera?
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I’ll do it for her and shadow and my mom and my hellmate
Got more evidence against psych… can you please tell them I want $500k in my account by Tuesday and that’s just to hold us over until mediation - I have more proof
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A dr a psych I never even met lying about my medical and obgyn records… I want to know how he got the records but the dates are all wrong. They even said I had imporefa when it was chicken pox
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Trying to shame and degrade me even more
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On my ig who scared cla919 no spaces
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Nah i have zero faith that they will and finally end this for me… I didn’t and I don’t deserve it especially the extra
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Anybody a lawyer?
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My brother thinks we have to pay one but I doubt it with the check we gonna get
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Then we can finally get to my real skills and purpose and being paid for doing something that I love again
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All I want is to be happy
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They keep me extra broke and sick
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Tired program but nah I don’t to it working out, they already added 3 more meds j a week that makes 6 now and don’t give a fuck u already have tardive dyskonesja
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2 more meds*
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I have tardive dyskonesia*
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Nah I’m tired of trusting them
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Don’t know what to do cause without my meds I’m fucked
https://youtu.be/4RfTEY-yH8A?si=B2BlKC_17W6mJz7c
50, Nicki… I don’t even know who I am anymore 😭
I snapped cause I didn’t believe shit like that was possible
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I snapped because I ain’t betray a friend a day in my life
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I snapped cause everybody was watching when I really couldn’t help myself or control the outbursts
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I snapped at the nick name Mary cause I made my confirmation on furlough pregnant
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And then I finally snapped when I realized he could really be dead
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I just snapped
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It was like losing everything and my family twice
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I’m so tired of everyone telling me what to do
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I DONT WANT TO
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Yeah I relapsed… and realized they did it on purpose… when are THEY going to realize I truly am mentally ill and AM going to fall everytime - when do they stop though? I’m a human not a toy or science project!
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When he said that about my angel… i said you never know when it’s going to be the last time (ie seeing someone) we done way too much praying for him to receive that response
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He said I’m not gonna make it either… I promised to never talk shit about him but he promised friends first and he’d never betray me… I feel like he did too
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Because my old friends and the decoy they put in… they won’t stop or leave me alone. I know he’s a fraud I been known they intentionally tried to set me up with him and I been known it was fake… was just trying to figure out why! But his dad the police, his other brother the feds and like it was months after pac died - look at what happened to me - DID they kill pac?
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Biggie call me Mae cause I am mad naive but even he know… if you don’t act like that you don’t expect that… who the fuck pretends to be someone’s friend and then lies to me about who she was sleeeping with too… who does that and why?
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Nah I’m not petty over guys but was laughing my ass of like whoa you slept with all the people you slept with and then all the people I slept with on top of that too?!? LMFAO cause I was no angel either ��
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I don’t do anal… is that why I was sodomized so much? To catch up?
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I love my hellmate - he just loves his bitches more
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You don’t have to make me sick when you want time with them… Losing respect fast
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Because they pulled us over and he was at CS window and then said oh oh ohhhh and came to mine - he’s an airhead and can’t act
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And a dope feen on top of it too
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Because I don’t drive hoop ds until my cars got repoed 2 in one year one of them twice… so like last he knew I’m in NC but I’m driving on the highway in a hoop d ain’t sense him in 5 years in a town I’m not even from and he call like he recognized me on the highway… FOH just had to see what it was about
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And no I wasn’t sleeping with him either
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Not since WAY back in the day
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And public service announcement… I only survived cause of CONDOMS until I was trying to get pregnant
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These girls at school was checking ovulation calendars and plan b etc… nah condoms… what’s the point of not using them if you’re not trying to get pregnant?
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It’s mostly why I don’t have kids
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CONDOMS
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The funny part the few times I didn’t use them I got chamydia trying to get pregnant LMFAO like literally the one time I didn’t type shit just to remind me again CONDOMS
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There’s too much shit out there you can’t get rid of
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I’m sticking with both but rambling and vs ting is what I like to do and they trying to defer and deter me of that
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Venting*
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Hero by Mariah remind me of him… and easy on me by Adele makes me think he’s still writing as a ghost too
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I didn’t look 13 even the Bar tender was serving me and I’m not sure what he said but I heard it as I was molested as kid and went back to molestation… you stupid sick socio bitch… no YOU were molested as a child and just assumed I was too. I lied about my age, it was a different day and 13 and 19 wasn’t that twisted back then. NOW it is I get it cause kids are less mature and even look younger but whoa… if that’s not deflecting your issues on me idk what is
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My dad was my boy and we told each other EVERYTHING except why he chose to drink himself to death
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My pop pips friend was twisted
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Just mad I’m not a vampire like they implied and can’t save J ��
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Nah my bf/hellmate talking about im righteous im mother Theresa or act like it… nah fuck you… how he gonna say that cause I don’t act like that… do I try my best not to sin YES but I’m going to hell right with you all WTF
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Just got a memory on fb… it seems that during the worst of times you get these best of times like a split second moment… I had my father and Mika and my ghosts and shadows to get me thru
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To be honest in the pic I look like I can have Jamaican blood in me and when other people see my Angels they’ve assumed Haitian… I’m leaning more towards I have Jamaican angels by my real life angels for facts
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I thought it was 50… he had Jamaica vacation posted until I realized them sick twisted mother fuckers weren’t 50 and just like myrtle beach tried to blame and put it all on him again
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It scares me cause I know I’m reelest Killaz and pac and my dad dead just like worry about 50 all the time too
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Why they always trying to make me hate him?
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That’s why they can tap and tug my heart and shit? It’s really in my blood?
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It was like 7:30am and it felt like someone had a string on my heart tugging hard it woke me up and I said ow and it stoped but it pretty much been twisted and sick ever since… I lost trust in the dr that used to calm me down counting rib taps
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They have more than one Dr on me
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And they’re fucking twisted beyond comprehension - I think it’s a woman one too
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Which Dr was the potato?
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One tap too light one a little firmer but I do prefer eye ti eye to choose cause I was tortured for real
My moms mad I didn’t go to school today… Saturdays used to be my favorite day but now I don’t like them anymore
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I’m praying to make up hours
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When I was assaulted in mb she drove me by a huge 50’sign in his logo - I asked her if that said 50 and she said idk I didn’t see
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Because 50 can help me and check them
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But how they know that?
It feels like they are literally in my body ��
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It’s gross they not clean
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I get it… they trapped my religion and won’t let me free
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When they were torturing me they painted my stairs red with blood and put feathers around my bed mocking my religion too. I’m Catholic and voodoo is my sister religion - not witches
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After the assault in mb they tied a snake in my rice
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I do kinda trust that though but why I had to feel the pops
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They tied my heart when 50 posted he was in Jamaica so u trusted it was him and pac IT DEF WAS NOT HIM AND PAC
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I was a ballerina in private class and at the centre - my belly not like
That cause I was fat!!!!
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I know I was pregnant just don’t understand why my family says no
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I remember split seconds now since I was shot
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Pac why you so hard on yourself like you believe them?
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https://youtu.be/0IA3ZvCkRkQ?si=nTUJ5NsxL6oQeghF
How is humiliating and degrading patients a form of therapy?
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I’m in dual diagnosis intensive out patient program and some psych I never even met had my obgyn records posted and I’m just trying to find out who he is and why
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On my intake form
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The dates were wrong too…
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I’m a stay with therapy cause with the right drs it used to work
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And unfortunately that’s the breaks of being mentally ill… I HAVE TO
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I fucking have to
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Why does my life have to revolve around them bitches though?
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They premeditated murder by researching lethal combination of pills outside my bedroom door, gave me them pills and I woke up in mental on my bday they accusing me of suicide cause my bf broke up with me when really I got sick when people were talking about Juno at work… I assumed since she pretended to be my best friend that it was an accident and she was trying to help calm me down… but seeing as though she switched the lease primary account to her name was tying things up for her legally for the first premeditated murder
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And who covered that up and why?
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Premeditated attempted murder*
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Why do they even want me dead?
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I tripped over her on the computer outside my bedroom door… she said there wasn’t a plug to charge it in her room
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She always been a little off so I dismissed it
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We didn’t speak for like 3 years after that and when I was gang assaulted and robbed in Myrtle beach I thought I was hallucinating when I saw her waking me up standing outside the police car I was in. I didn’t put 2 to 2 together when she called me out of the blue a few weeks later to pretend to be my friend again
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I dismissed it all to my mental illness
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Those are for facts… I do not know for facts whether or not I was shot
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Why do they want me dead? And who keeps covering up for them?
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No it feels gross and they can’t demand to change my religion too
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It’s like getting allowance to help get me back on my feet and pay bills again totally backfired - it lasted 3 weeks and I haven’t even had more then $25 dollars in tips since. Why do they keep me poor and broke and needing?
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And dependent
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I just need my own money or to be able to work
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I can’t get either
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And I don’t understand why
They finally paying yo broke ass lol
You sound like your doing ok
https://youtu.be/q0SyUgw98tE?si=UczSY-GWe7AFg93r
Nah… nobody paying me… who said that? @Candy
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I’m good… back in therapy getting drug tested every week and they fucking with me I SWEAR TO GOD I PUT YAY DOWN ON 10/15 and STILL testing dirty somehow smfh
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The network run deep
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What’s the big deal about drugs though? Why is the drugs such an issue? What happens if I am or off drugs?
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My bf just said I think im smarter than the psychs FALSE… I just know the law
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If I was smarter than psychs I wouldn’t be getting my ass kicked every which direction
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@Candy when I was shot I fell out the car saying meeeee? Shoe????? I remember waking up in the ambulance a second when the cop was telling the emt guy
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Probably pac or Hollins telling me all about thugs mansion trying to keep me awake
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I was found in an empty office park about 15 miles from the nearest police station it’s a miracle they even found me especially on a weekend
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Last thing I remember asking oh boy was there are no cars you sure your mom is here working?
Where did my post go? TYPE ISH
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Nevermind lol
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@Candy what happens when the thread hits 1 million hits? All the work I put in promoting the site I want to meet the owner
Lol your lil diary is killing it I think xoxo
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Lol you still as cool as you always was
You mean I’m hurting and not helping? �� @Candy
nah in a good way you helping it :)
@Candy I miss the mags and the leads and the battles - it’s like when I got shot allegedly everything went to all hell cause the feds got on the site around the same time - we have freedom of press - they shouldn’t have done that
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Instead of trying to pick out fiction from sources they should caught a serial rapist
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My hell mate the best… he knows about the past abuse and stalker and such and he like a pit bull - he know my every second and keeps me safe… you wanna hear something funny? I had a bunch of ass shots and bra and underwear shots and he asked me why if I was a victim like that and to be honest - in my mind I was trying to just hold my own for fat girls up agaonst unsuccessful b class celebs… no clue why but he’s right - I’ll have to ask my psych about that
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Like the second realest thing my saved said… at least you got to do what YOU wanted to do today. He need to at least know he owe for his life twice
yeh me to it was banging more opinions more art but keep doing your thing your bringing the guests in here
I’m so happy… yay!!!! This site has done so much for me to even accept my mental illness and giving me my own thread for outbursts - they should get funding from Nani for that shit. And it was pacs passion too… when they find out that he’s probably Jiceras father I think it will really flood @Candy
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I was 14 adoption of course if he didn’t get her… I don’t remember what happened I just remember a few seconds and us picking her name
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NAMI*
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Do you celebrate Halloween in Australia? You wanna hear something funny… the psych that brainwashed me fled to Austria after the Newtown baby massacre - he was his dr too @Candy
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Australia*
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I think that’s why my dad drank himself to death… because he allowed it by accident
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His sister is a psych so my entire family trusted them
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Including me… until one time in I patient I was telling the dr everything about my break and I looked up and saw my friend who was murdered and died on my lap shaking his head no
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Then I started to pay attention and THEY FUCKED UP and have NO LOVE for us
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If you look at Jiceras baby pic she look just like him… especially her lips - I put it on my profile unless you know how to post pics here
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I’m scared though cause I’m real incognito and don’t want the attention or questions or extra stress from it… I always preferred to blend in a crowd
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Unless I was safe with people who were heavy artillery
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@Candy look at my profile pic… you see it?
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I want to find her when I get better
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When I type in my name all the searches on adoption data bases go to Cali
Lol ur dr is a low life.. yeh I see ur profile pic..
Yeh we celb Halloween kids came by for candy yesterday so I filled em up lol
Written in 2019… things are much better now that he’s out pac
Dear Pac
Pac why nobody writing to you?
Next to me yelling or chasing me out of the room
He got busted that night and I learned to stay away
So who is that voice interrupting me when I pray
E 125th telling me Im a be alright
So why tonight am I still losing the fight
Im not even sure if I can trust you anymore
I heard the rumors, they saying I'm some coke whore
How he don't even care, it really wasn't a bluff - was it?
I guess being unprepared mostly does it
I burned out 3 stars wishing so hard and it feel like god don't even care
When I went on to check and he wasn't even there
I couldn't do anything but stare
You told me he didn't care
I didn't wanna wake up even though it was curry
I heard, heard I died, said ok and rushed in a hurry
I didn't survive them shots
Cause after shit just got worse
And I'm so sick of living the side of the cursed
How they can make me feel so sick this easy
Tapping and tracing and posing I rather be back where the Ds be
I ain't scared of jail no more...
The pain, the physical pain I get practically every night
Back then I'd shake it off and said I don't care I was with god when they'd make fun of my plight
Even my God left me, I can't understand anymore
Yeah Pac, I was talking mad shit to satan banging down his door
What we even here for?
The hissing and tizzing the letting go of my wheel screaming
Popping all this shit cause they heard I was a demon
Then how that be my peace and comfort be gone
I been said I'm not going to make it but I ain't even do no wrong
I don't deserve that trick to lay in peace with one that hates me
Or forced to live this sick shit while strangers debate how I see
They have me in so deep I have no clue who to trust
They trade my peace and comfort for pain and add addiction their must
Talking about a good fella that catch a raw deal
What the fuck am I even still here for, really my real
I know God is listening I burned out 3 stars wishing so hard
But I never get what I ask for ever since I shot down in that yard
Not that I ever really did before, on our side we don't get what we need
Only what is going to hurt more
And I don't even know how I'm a sleep now
Like always just when things get better, we just on the reverse - how?
Right now I could give a fuck about this earth
And I'm tired of them degrading my self worth
They swear its so easy and I'm so quick to forgive
How much longer God do I have to live
I'll never get over them raping me
I can care less about them taping me
I guess it's for the weak cause I just can't get past it
Then to add the extra right after I blasted it
I ain't ever get a friend, or anyone to understand me
And I'm starting to realize its cause my birth dads family
Well he's dead, and pac you are too
I don't care if I have to do it by myself, conviction on this genocide past due
So tell them keep laughing and proving all that you can do
I don't feel so stupid, virgin is sacred in our blood - so what? Es tu and fuck you then too
Maybe the pattern was just repeating the first
I never had to care less over more but nah I ain't them tricks quenching their thirst
I'm so confused I thought at first finally it all made sense
But he never came back for me and I been fucked up ever since
He never left me… but I just don’t understand why he made it seem one way when it was another… or was that just the way god kept me safe until…
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Well pac kept me safe*
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Something seriously happened when I was allegedly shot… they kicked my ass up and down the east coast and it wasn’t even me that did anything to deserve that
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Tired of being the victim then being punished for it too
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If they were a real God - they wouldn’t have made that mistake
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You’re HUMAN just like the rest of us
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Maybe when they tell my mother the truth or does she snap then?
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I was 14 my dad didn’t fuck up trusting the them.. he did what he thought was best for me and was trying to get jicera back in our lives that birthday I was drugged and had to go inpatient because they accused me of suicide
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A week before I was 14 but you love to throw that in too… because I lied about my age and got punished for that I made it a point NOT TO LIE UNLESS I HAVE TO
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It actually made me not a liar
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I hope to get better and find her, but I do need help… I don’t even know where to begin… I just know you put on your mask before you put on your kids so you BOTH don’t die
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I got to learn to shut up… but I need some reality please
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Not delete and move on
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I can’t stand when I fall into their manipulation and control… now I see it
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How about you just tell me to my face what’s up - ever try that one?
YO FOR REAL WHO KEEPS EDITING MY SHIT AND WHYYYY
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You see how much I write? I’m supposed to memorize every line - nah I just know my style amd it’s different
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Mostly how I tell or how I use vv over vagina when I write usually too
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No means no… I think we need to run that campaign again cause drs starting to think their gods but don’t even understand the word no
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What ever dream you won’t stop cause you swear ima miss out on is something I don’t even want in 50% Sure - especially when you won’t stop or tell or ask me
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I don’t fuck with strangers in the shade anymore… they won’t get a chance to fuck me over or hurt or abuse or try to kill me again
The ghosts are rolling so deep right now… they even turned my light when I was sleeping
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He dead but I saw the sign on the walking making the same promises - I believe him
I’m very upset that I feel like I’m stuck feeling like them in my own flesh only their religion. I pray they meet the god that drill me and make me feel like… I just hope my god does it to them too
You keep flashing pictures of him with the same 5 girls… EXACTLY… he was coming back for me
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I posted on my ig and it was posted here… thanks to everyone that EVERYTHING is inadmissible on this site lmfao
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However… rape, sodomy, and attempted murders from even before I was on this site is not…
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You keep flashing pictures of him with the same 5 girls… EXACTLY… he was coming back for me I joined after the gang rape in Jan 2011
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The exact night of the exact parking ticket I have yet to pay… go catch a real criminal/criminals
I get scared a lot… I’m scared of everything
@Soule where is he?
Social experiment? FOHHHHHHH
Yeah… it was who I was talking to
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Honestly I haven’t had a psychotic break in YEARS… I wonder if he got me over that hurdle finally
08:30 AM #1
Against ALL Odds
Guest
The abridged history of Rapbattles.com. The true version: Must see for wannabe "vets"
The E (online) true Hollywood Story: The forum formerly known as Rapbattle.com
With so much hearsay when people recall back as to how/and when the inception of Rapbattle(s).com occurred. I figured I, Mr. Anonymous should clear the air once and for all. Let's begin with a timeline, and slowly integrate into the true history of this site:
August 2000 - Subtrek launches Rapbattles.com
Septemeber 2000 - Shadow purchases the domain name "Rapbattle.com" and immediately makes the transition from his "f2s" (free2serve) UBB forum "Lethal Lyricizts" to Rapbattles.com - Although Rapbattle & Rapbattles were similar in domain origin, the actual development/and user base encompassing both communities varied completely.
Through some odd coincidence, week(s) after the launch of a competing Rapbattle.com site/forum, Mike (Shadow) & Jake (Subtrek), form a friendship. Although initial ill will for one another occurred, it quickly spawned into a little competing love/hate relationship.
*Fast Forward a year plus down the line*
Both communities are still at it, going neck and neck. However Jake (Subtrek), is completely disenchanted with the turnout of Rapbattles. He is currently making beats and enlisting them on MP3.com for revenue. Through the spamming of his beats on various communities, he has a nice little chunk of money earned. With this new found revenue generator, beat making - In addition to a generalized hatred for the Rapbattles.com members, he decides to contact long time buddy Mike (Shadow) in efforts of selling the community to him. Rapbattles, at the time was 900 members strong. While Rapbattle.com nearly double in member count. Shadow agreed to the acquisition terms, and purchased the community immediately thereafter Jake's resignation/sale.
*New Era: The combining of communities*
When I last left off; Shadow had purchased the Rapbattles.com community. After a few days of maintaining both - Rapbattle.com & Rapbattles.com - It became very overwhelming. Shadow, at the time, favored Rapbattle over his latest venture. After all, he had started Rapbattle from the ground up. Thus, he did not want to allow someone else to run Rapbattle.com - So, he decided to appoint a new admin for the Rapbattles.com community. The appointed admin was Andrew Bareknuckles, Luciano at the time. Mike (Shadow) has known Andrew from his earlier textcee (1999) days on Network 54 forums. Thus had the utmost trust and confidence in Luciano running the community. After a month or two, Rapbattles.com just became a hassle to run. Additionally - It was a complete waste of effort to grow each one individually, when you can grow as one and form one of the largest rap communities online. With this in mind, Mike redirected the domain name Rapbattles.com to Rapbattle.com. Tension immediately arose, between the two budding communities. Eventually it died off and the forum had maintained some unity. However this wasn't the only thing to die off - Mike/Shadow's passion to running the site slowly descended, as did with his counterpart Jake, just 8 months prior.
*New Era: The split*
Mind you, although a bit wack - Due to it's long stemmed roots (online), Rapbattle.com slowly emerged as one of better text battle boards. As must of the members had time to grow over the years with the forum. However, with Shadow's disinterest in the forum, he slowly developed an animosity issue. He figured if he could somehow, run the forum with an iron fist - He could possibly regain interest. After various attempts, the straw that broke the Camel's back occurred - Mike (Shadow) banned, at the time, short-time member Jay Krupp. Outraged by his careless banning techniques, and argumentative banter, a number of the forum vets (the best at on the site at the time), finally took a stance against Shadow & left the community. Although, this was one of the many turbulence that effected the overall quality of the forum. Rapbattle.com still strived on - The popularity and notoriety of the site could not be deterred by scorn members who left the site. It continued in growth, and after reaching a milestone in it's self. Rapbattle.com reached 9000+ members, and over 500,000 posts.
*The crash*
Rapbattle.com strong as ever -- hit it's new low, a complete forum meltdown. All and everything Shadow worked for had slowly went up in flames (Karma?) . All members and all posts were lost. The entire community vanquished.
*Rapbattles.com: Resurrection *
Shadow, furious, yet with some glimmer of hope - Decides to rebuild what was destroyed. This time however he decides to devote his once lost interest in another direction - A direction of which involved a complete site turnaround. Rather than rapbattles.com point to rapbattle.com - Rapbattle.com instead pointed to rapbattles.com. The site starts off slow, however begins to get back it's userbase. It yet again grows past - 9000 members. However, as history will do, it repeated itself yet again for Shadow. He began his iron fist tactics, and slowly started to form more hatred for the site. His decision was to allow - Luciano, Rapbattles.com run the site on his own. As Shadow pursued other endeavors. Eventually - Luciano became a bit overwhelmed with a community of this size. After a suggestion brought on by Luciano, and some consulting with one another - Luciano appointed RB's fourth Admin in History - Kris, aka Syntax Mastery. A very dope emcee, who had the respect of many of his peers.
*Rapbattles.com: The untimely death*
Syntax (Kris) & Luciano (Andrew) continued to run the forum, as Shadow (Mike) sat on the sidelines pursuing other areas. After running the community as well as anyone could (two amazing admins, best in RB history) for months? If not over a year - Shadow, out of nowhere, underhandedly sold the forum to another Mike (also known as Alldig). AllDig had no direct interest in the community nor even visited the community once, however took on the venture - After realizing it's potential in growth was enormous. He found the community posted up for sale via the webmaster forum GeekVillage. After his purchase, he de-adminned Luciano/Barknuckle as well as Syntax....
Well, that's it. Of course I left off much detail - But all in all, this is the history of RB. All contributed to by four people - Jake, Mike, Andrew, and Kris. And a never dying community of Internet emcees - Making this one of the best forums online. Who knows the future - This site has endured so much, I wouldn't be surprised if this site goes through 10 more ownership changes - And people claiming they're vets since 2006. It's cool though, as long as this shit is kept alive.
Nonetheless take this thread for what you will.
Sincerely signed,
Rapbattle(s) scientist, and full-time Shadow dickrider.
Some history of the site that I found in the lounge!!! The longest read that kept my attention the entire time… I’ve been a member since 2010
The brain washing, the atrophy in my brain as a result - I need to find somebody that will help me sue for &10k a week the rest of my life… and if is under 20 years - it goes to my kin
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I can’t even file a police report I don’t know how to find help
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My family believes the psych drs
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Oh and I been a member since 2011
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I think that’s VERY reasonable - maybe too much so please find them and help me to settle
I was hearing voices again so they put me on another anti psychotic in which my other dr said that’s dangerous he wanna get me back to one - only the voices came back anyway idk what to do
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I was hearing voices again so they put me on another anti psychotic in which my other dr said that’s dangerous he wanna get me back to one - only the voices came back anyway idk what to do
I know they’re not real but they’re annoying as fuck
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I’m literallt retarded without my Medicine - we want to get better too
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I just need a vampire
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It just makes me mad cause I was regulated by my drs and didn’t have to go on meds until they gang raped me in myrtle beach and I stole the car… only that could’ve been solved if they just told me and treated my ptsd - so technically don’t understand why I would’ve needed the meds at all - but now I need them or I’m retarted type fucked up
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Like who turned me and my life and my family into some test case anyway
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They refuse to tell me if I was or wasn’t shot when I know for a fact I was shot… I missed 2 months of school when I saw my classmates bullet scar and not owe an addition $6k in over hours
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Now owe $12 per hour for every hour over 1500 I’m at 1600 hr and don’t graduate until June now… you do the math
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They just took away my food stamps and won’t tell me why
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I don’t have a job or money and haven’t for years!!!) every time I stand back up and build again something happens and I get mentally ill again
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Yes my he’ll mate already told me they’re trying g to make me worse than before again
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Nah I’m good - I didn’t drink today
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Got my boy some nips for bus bday but I really did want to
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Because I agree with the no alcohol - I’ve always gotten sicker easier with it I see now
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But no I never used alcohol as an excuse to do something I can’t admit to - I learned young that you just don’t do shit you can’t admit to… I never fucked that man and want to know if he raped me too
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I actually prefer being alone and writing if I have my adhd meds and some of my Drs even agree
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I think being 100% sober is socially unhealthy too
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I repeat the plight just refuse to be on it
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I don’t think any man on this earth should have my freewill that my god promised me - or woman
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I respect the plight but will never do it*
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How did anybody that fucking feels like get mine?
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Nah it’s not even dismissive
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I can pick my own man thank you
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Nobody on this earth going to try to force me into that life
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My cigs that were in my pocket ended up on my bed and my family member went from my bathroom to the couch in a split second - they really need to know their getting the wrong guidance and it’s disrespectful as hell to me
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I have too much on my plate to be fucked with
U head
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I want no parts of that life and pray someone fix me
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It fucks with my head and makes me sick too
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Never in my life gave someone will over me and my body
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But if anyone gonna have it it’s gonna be pac
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Well wouldn’t you want to know who is touching hurting and torturing your body
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Yeah someone was in my car - I left lady in red on half way
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How would you feel especially being mentally ill FAGts but I didn’t have to be this sick facts too
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The hood taught me that ���� but corporate is WAY less prejudice
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AWKWARD silence I guess as I realize it’s possible somebudy is hearing me
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It’s easier to write than spitting shit out
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Yo bitches… I just have to say I seen it all
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NOW I get it saw every weird second now that I know I wasn’t psychically hallucinating
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To be honest I didn’t want to be anything like you
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Except all moms of course
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Gabe dropped and had a seizure as soon as I put my cross on… I didn’t change my religion - I thought just cause the new cross was cruised
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Nah I only dated 3 guys that ate pork and told Allah fuck this I’ll respect you myself for helping me
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When I realized god gave everyone else but me free will until I learned I’m not the only one
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Now I’m back to my religion cause god didn’t do it he just let them
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3 guys that didn’t eat pork*
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Cause they’re forcing me into a zone I don’t want to be in
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I read the Quran and never made any promises religiously
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If that’s what’s up and I’m a be abused in my
Own body no thank you
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I made religions promises to my God*
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Ever have someone demand to talk to you in a way which is against your religion too?
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That’s how witches make me feel and then on top of my mental illness so I just pray for protection
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You can’t force me to be friends with or even like you though
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I definitely don’t respect you. .so why would I be forced to stand with or next to you… no way
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Find your own solution too…
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I suck today but I’m not going down
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K grosses the hell out of me to be honest so it’s gross to feel like him too
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I don’t like that religion or man either
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I can’t stand not feeling like myself
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More like feeling like other people in my flesh
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I’m not the religion to play mask games either
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I deserve peace and comfort in my mind and own body
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Can I ever get that again as a result? ��
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And I get shot cause I said fuck love u love money too
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When I was with the bf who helped set me up
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I like money too*
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They put me in mental like it’s a joke but I bet you they even know what they were doing to me in mental and still did it, right?
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Fuck a double jeopardy it’s everyone hitting me at the same time
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WHY?
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I ain’t snitch a day in my mother fucking life - but I feel snitching rules need to be adjusted
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I’m gonna go to bed…
https://youtu.be/dkJv9ElFR-c
I think we hit @Candy how do I cash out?
https://youtu.be/I__BwT8TO8g
Sad as fuck right now… thinking and drinking
https://youtu.be/14vqcrHBY6U?si=jo7PNzO0hxbmEKfC
I’m sorry Em… do you hate me?
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It’s like I was more mature at 13 then I am now
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Like I regressed cause there was nothing to be mature for
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I just can’t stop pacing until I know what happened to pac and jicera
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It’s an animal instinct… where’s my cub
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I know pac ain’t saying I’m the one in the rearview on drugs or whatever… I did 5 drugs my entire life… not me not my plight
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Nobody will tell me the truth when i know for facts
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Rubbing my belly telling Jen’s mom almost 5 months
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You wanna know how I remember it though… because I thought I was pregnant in 10th grade but the outfit I was wearing was from 5th grade… it was my favorite so like I wouldn’t have had that outfit in 10th but 8th… yeah
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Stuff like that
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Telling my best friend Erin you was black… but that was in new Fairfield I didn’t meet Ced until Danbury and stuff like that… they couldn’t brainwash it all… like the pit in my stomach saying no way out - I had to tell you my real age
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After already lying about my real name
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My sister didn’t like the name… she thought she’d be made fun of… I can tell you every name that made the Final Cut for jicera
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Asia, China, Ashley Corrine but I chose jicera
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These are facts that I remember
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I can’t stop pacing until I know what happened
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I remember cursing at every car that passed my house and getting so mad that I called Tony too
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You didn’t pick me up when I ran away you called the police
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Married too? Maybe you wasn’t coming back for me
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I hate your network… I hate that I got shot and didn’t even know it and I’ll be from hell if I can just go back home
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To my nature my environment my peaceful insanity
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I have atrophy in my memory…
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Is that why the back of my head wa shaved?
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How do they brain wash me now?
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I remember them giving me the iq test after… I was low balling it
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I remember my father being sad and so upset it was only 90
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I used to be smart as fuck
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I relapsed last night and drank… my bf was being mean to me and left - he couldn’t sleep over but he stayed out all night
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He never had any intentions on leaving her and why I want to be that bitch anyway
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I have to get ready for school… I pray they don’t smell the liquor on me lol
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It never works with anybody… this would be my 5th divorce. Before it was cause I felt so empty now it’s just not in me to play that role and I never was a hoe it’s just I’m strong like a man and that’s a turn off to guys too… Ced was my heart and entire being - I ain’t been right since
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I literally died in Hillcroft when I tried to od and haven’t been the same since… I literally died when he betrayed me
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I took for granted that he always was gonna be there
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We had 2 miscarriages
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I miss him but am so far gone I don’t even know if I’d be myself when and if I see him
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Ced, I was just looking for something real and didn’t realize real is what we had. I knew you couldn’t marry a white girl or wouldn’t
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I think back to the time when we first met…
I remember every moment, I can never forget.
We fell in love that night, laying, staring at the sky
Who ever thought me and you would be the ones to say goodbye.
And at the time with all the things I was going through…
You just stole my diary, stole my heart, and made me part of you.
You introduced me to a life that helped me to find a way…
And from that moment on - every day for you I would pray.
Every struggle I felt, every hit I took with you,
But now that you’re gone, I don’t know what to do.
Sometimes the pain would take me to my knees…
I’d just look back up to the sky crying and begging the Lord please.
With you, I’d always compete.
I’d ask - you’d say no - I find it my way - then repeat.
It seems like we were so damn happy when we were building
But not everything that glitters is gold, it’s just gilding.
In the beginning, all the girls, I really and truly didn’t care.
Because those bitches didn’t have shit on us, and of that, I was well aware.
But then it, they, them, it all became too much…
I became jaded and my emotions became out of touch.
I have never been as much of a soldier, as I been, when it came to me and you…
With you by my side, there wasn’t a god damn drill I couldn’t get through.
I’d give my life for you, for this game, but it wasn’t ever returned…
How many times were you gonna sit back and watch as I got burned?
Even to this day, sometimes I forget who I am, without you…
But I know it’s not reciprocated so what was a girl supposed to do.
I called you when I saw them outside; I needed help, now I need to know why
You left me with the decision get robbed, go to jail, or die.
I chose to do the laundry because at least the decision was mine.
But I can’t believe of all people YOU were the one to put me on that line.
But I am not going to sit here and cry. Not one more fucking tear…
Cause with me and you gone, I swear to fucking god I have not left one more fucking fear.
They say once a good girls gone bad she is gone forever…
I say no, she’s just mad, or sad, and to be treated that way again – She just says no. Never!
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I don’t know what them bitches did to me but you do… maybe June can fill you in… just get them fucking bitches off me!!!! It’s so gross I literally feel them in my flesh
Drunken outburst - sorry
https://youtu.be/I7_vU1d94gk
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I love him though lol
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Hell no I don’t want to get married!!!
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I can’t even get thru a break up let alone a divorce
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For what? It’s too late to have a family anyways
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What I need and want is a trust
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Praying for $10k a week to keep my sense of humor - someone a lot of ones were breaking mad laws and took my civil rites
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Taking my free will and religious rites is why I read the Quran… I forgive my god now too… Roman Catholic