A Disciple's Thread

Falling Apart

You haven’t answered my texts
And I’m getting stressed… because Im scared I lost you
Scared I lost true
Scared of the mirror again too
It’s the first I felt of anything in a long time
And all I know of hope is putting my feelings to rhyme
I know that wasn’t my crime
But I don’t want to be pathetic either
Which way they want me to go… I chose neither!
I made a mistake and wasn’t sure it was you
I made a mistake and didn’t know it was true
I made a mistake and will sell my soul if that what it take to get back you
My husband I heard of that’s finally here
And I can’t cry right now but my eye still dropped a tear
It was fear…
Because I promised God when my man get here - I quit cocaine too
And im mad cause I didn’t and look how it do
I hope it’s not too late cause I swear I love you
Addiction grabbed a hold of my fate
And I’m just praying that I’m not too late

In all the messes I make…
I’m scared the worst is what cames
But please… I don’t want anything fake
Or to be that blonde bimbo who’s dumb
I just got used to going numb
There really isn’t too much more to say
But trust is a battle I fight every day
Love isn’t a game that you play
I just want real…
So Lord please protect us i pray
And I hope it doesn’t hurt this much to feel
And I’m sorry… you gave me more then you take
And I’m sorry - im tired of making the same mistake
And I’m sorry - tired of not knowing who’s real or who’s fake
And I’m scares to have a heart again…
Cause I don’t want it to break
I want you to know - I’ll never do that to you
I want you to knowv- My man who was true is you
And I want you to know - It’s all fucked up… cause I know she love you too

https://www.facebook.com/reel/887833...&fs=e&s=TIeQ9V

Thanks for making me laugh… I remember how happy I was you came and brought beer. And my geeen dress that Soheila alrered

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Yo he totally sided me and that’s insensitive as fuck and if he trade me for the upgrade it isn’t love right?

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I fucking give up to be honest

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But I’m a still be a stupid bitch and trust someone again… why?

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Do they get out of and off my body when I go sober too?

Do they get out of and off my body when I go sober too?

I’m socially awkward… his friends don’t like me either

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I decided tomorrow… but it’s like already know I can’t do it and get sober until my old friends and K leave

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And never come back… I really know that is what was making me so sick besides the brainwashing in Psych

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I’ll take gods don’t remember

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But this shit hell no… how did they know?

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Why everybody turn on me for real?

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He won’t leave me alone or take no 3x for an answer

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I’m not desperate to be married… I’m desperate to be happy and free and on my own again

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I’m just keeping it remind myself if she came in and stole my peace and comfort that easy then it must not be real

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I realized finally that we were on opposite sides… Idfk either but I miss being safe

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I really haven’t been involved with drugs or running again

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Tired of hell just want to be happy sgsin

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Someone viscous ever since I sssn you or wrote them… I just need a friend in cold again

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I’m cold again*

Horseman

I did it cause I ain’t shit
And I know people can change - legit
I have nothing to show for my life
If i can’t have kids anymore what’s the point of being a wife
When ford called me that day with the manger screaming capitol one
I made sure I’d make the payments for the chance they gave me
I made sure I got it done
I’m trying to find who I am by knowing what I’m not
And the last thing I’d ever do again is go back to being a thot
Thought l miss them a lot
And like…
I hate when I fall right into their plan
My mom cursing me out again ause I’m a child now with impulses she can’t stand
Why they get to demand when I rise or I fall
You up me down bitch we could’ve had it all
I can’t be in my family unless I’m sober
That’s how it feel
And that’s the shit that makes me ball
And some of the reason why I can’t feel
Maybe… what’s the deal?
Any bish you wan
I joke with ez
And I want justice I don’t get whole you all think it’s so easy
My life isn’t even mine no more
All because again my man chose the whore
I’m closing the door
I don’t even want this shit anymore

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My life is my worst nightmare and I’m TAF!

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Who won’t let me get on my feet and ruin my relationships every time and then tell my brother it’s me birnong it down

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I thought now that he’s out I’d be free and it’s ok… but nah he trades me too

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Why am I a failure to launch… who is doing this to me?

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I look so selfish to my mother but I’m trying to buy her, her house back and like

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My life hasn’t been right since they hurt me in 2010 - they won’t let me get back up

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I just sit here swaying like I do dope
Nope
Take this shit back to you and tell me how you cope
I pray for death a lot
And I don’t claim shit I’m not

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What did I live my life for, for real?
Cause even you all won’t give me the shot
I know what I’m not
And that’s the problem
I come out of Harlem

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I don’t want this shit
I wanted my family
When.they gonna leave me alone
Brainwashed more then a bit
I trusted manny
Just give him and Fred the thrown

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I don’t want to be all alone

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But they win every time… I’m 45 but still a child and that’s what’s so wrong

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Yo if Feds back her and not me - that’s the fuck what’s so wrong

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I heard she work with gov on ptsd… is she the one that tortured me?

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Yo my mom said I ran up $500 on my credit this week… EXACTLY… but that’s what happens when they swear they better than and demand to control me

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50… do you know who swear they own me… cause I went thru all this shit just trying to break free… and you better make sure they don’t make another mentally ill child like me

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I always used to call them as I see… but this shit change me, cause I realized never again will I be just me

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My religion I get judged at death so how am I stuck in a religion that isn’t even mine purgatory?

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I don’t want to live like them or that… I just want control of my own body

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Here we go again… he knew what’s up and he knew what they did but still won’t help save me

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My man would…‘cause I know i deserve that

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It’s fucked up that I have a taste now and can’t wait for apacolypse

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THAYS fucked up too

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But maybe then is when me and my body be free

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Why do they insist on doing this to me over and over and over again ?

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I just want it be free… I’m tired of every relationship going wrong and being humiliated

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When you gonna get the message Kev? NO NOT YOU

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Leave me alone and stop making me so sick and weak

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It didn’t have to be like this… who made it be?

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And why do they refuse to stop?

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I don’t want what you think makes it ok!!!!! Leave me and my phone alone

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They sweari want it but I don’t

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Do you know what it feels like when you already a rape victim snd they refuse to get off my body and stop

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Doing shit sick too everytime I talk to someone who can help me

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I think they trying to make me pop and go off on purpose

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I didn’t write that

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It’s way different though… why his friends think I don’t deserve it?

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It’s way different though… why his friends think I don’t deserve it?

Here we go again… stupid fucking bitch

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https://youtu.be/HEvdvWC3wVw?si=8WDwHa2gNAEk71XX

Is pac my baby daddy or just friends with him?

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I do want to make him proud… but I can’t unless someone make them get off and untie… as I just typed to myself fat to myself - how they even in my body?

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I’m definitely for team fat girl… just in my original body… I noticed it started to get fucked up the first time I slept with him and I want it back

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Nah I don’t think anyone on this earth can comprehend how all this betrayal feel

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Who I ever betray?

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I can’t break free and be on my own again why?

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Every time I try I go crazy

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Honestly… I think they trying to study us and that’s fucked up

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They’re not going to stop until they get the answer they want… I’ll NEVER give that to them

Wow. And wow..
And Ol girl emptying her soul and Lennox just trying to smash. Lmao wtf did I just click on

All these new songs in my library that I can’t stand… someone get that twisted freak away from me!!! wtf is wrong with them?

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Honestly… i rather just blast myself then to be with you or him

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We’re not compatible you irritate me… GO AWAY

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Alone again and how much you want to bet it’s YOUR fault

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Which ever old twisted freak that you are… Dream? Everyone a fucking nightmare!!!!! I just want to be normal again with this spirit infection and confusion on demand out of me

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You all went WAY too far for real… not the site… the ones derailing me and my life and trying to make decisions for me

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You got money, you got power, but really that shit don’t even phase me… I want to be happy and salvage what ever is left of the life that you were allowed to ruin

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Did they brain wash the gang rape out of me or did my mind really block it cause I heard the freak crying cause I went to you

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That was 14yrs ago maggot… are you really that obsessed and why?

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When have I EVER chose you or your side?

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Probably only when they literally take my free will

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Why all my white tees were gone… you turned my life into a stupid and pathetic joke that was so serious to me… it ruined my entire life and I can never get that back

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What you trying to make it so I never get out my mom’s house unless it’s with you? I swear to god I will murder you for this

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Don’t ever come to my eye cause lord I probably can’t help it

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I probably won’t write for a couple of days… I’m going to NA and when I’m sober I don’t usually air out

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Ima. Stupid and dumb dilly bitch that doesn’t notice anything and forgets a lot

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Nah you don’t know or care what it does to me or my brain especially when they tell you the worst shit

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You have NO right to do this to me I’m a person… with brain damage now

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Because you refuse to stop

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And told anybody who would listen how to too

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FUCK EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU

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Showed*

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You didn’t think this would happen? And then you torture me in ct ny nj and nc - I bet praying that I kill my self for you too

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They’re above the law.. that’s your rico and idfk or care either

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I wish I knew… no clue

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What did you lie to my bf about that he doesn’t love me anymore either?

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Sometimes death isn’t always the worst option… do it I can care less

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They refuse to take no for an answer and get off me and my body

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Who made my life their game?

Why everytime I feel safe do you come in again?

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Who gave you my free wjll for real?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ciple-s-Thread

Just the first too cause I know I ramble and spaz a lot

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It sliced and it hurts but I’m going to get thru this

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@Toobs yay welcome back!!!! They won’t let me post or talk anywhere but here lmfao

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I relapsed already but it was the only way to get myself out of bed… idk how long I’ve been dead just sleeping… I think like 4 days now and it scared me…

https://youtu.be/1D7BVGpYGfw?si=teciOKscL6zSQpsr

Dear Grandma

Dear GMA, it’s not even been 24 hours and I miss you a lot…
Right now I don’t know who I am but I know who I’m not
I just did the tip toe pacing and my mind is racing
All the time he was facing on top of
all the time they’ were erasing…
It’s like they trying to make me snap
Mad cause it’s real… and all I listen to is rap
Yeah gma, I agree it was my old friends too
I just don’t want to disappoint or disrespect my family either and idk what to do
Tonight I got dissed and dismissed
And It sliced and it hurt
So bad I put out a Purple Heart alert…
Just these day I don’t know my worth
But I know My father is the creator of heaven and earth
(Then I sent them to space)
Why is Allah so kind? He seems to always help set my pace
And why was Arabic my first trace
I keep my promises to you and my religion too
But… I just really don’t know what to do
I was screaming no nun to pac too!
Always knew it was an option because of God I met thru you
Family is what I wanted and a love that was true
I feel you when you feel like God don’t want you back anyways
And I’d get mad at the angels that always sit with me on rainy days
And that’s what I can’t stand
They won’t help but they’ll watch me cry and hold my hand
If TGF was oh boy and got back up when I sewed my first cookie doll
Gma - then we running thru
And wed be free to take it all
But they refuse to let me back up
And to be honest…
Really… I just want to know what’s up
And the strangers after me that fall
We all links in a fence but someone’s order too tall
The only person that should’ve known I was holding out for a love that was true
Like you… was you
Memories of the stories you’d tell me of love too
I don’t want to live this life gma
I’m so sick of all the drama
Just burned my finger again, physical abuse will make me go get a shotty
That may think that’s what I’m into but nah that’s just not me
Gma what if I’m unhappy cause he’s not here and never going to be
And why no one can handle my weird or admit when they see like I see
Some freak keeps making me sick and it isn’t comfort thru the fears
So I hold on to the one that knows what it feels like when you just can’t shed no more tears
And I know it wasn’t him cause yes, he was locked up for years
I know I can’t love him if I don’t trust him
But mostly I do
And it’s not that word he said
It just cause on him is where I want to lay dead
I chose peace and comfort instead
I survived led, and they still won’t tell me what’s been said
This can’t be fixed with meds
But I’ll never retire from walking dead
So I’m a make sure they free the slaves instead
I left NY so quick cause it was happening again
But I still stick to my 10
It just feel like there is no end
Safe… no… safe no … safe no
All these years later and I was just reminded that I’m not safe now or never again
And fuck what you heard I do know how to be and was a good friend
Gma they won’t let me be me no more
And always trade me in for some type of whore
I just don’t want to play games no more
Cause my heart so heavy it’s literally soar
Why you gave the angel back to me?
What is wrong and why
And I always knew the echelon come again when you die
So the prayer to save your life all these years was mine
Cause im scared and im front line…
And no gma I can’t sleep with someone I’m not attracted to
I want a love that’s true… but
I want to be sane too
And you know I’m not in it for fame
But people’s lives - definitely not someone’s game
And definitely not the same
Not one person on this earth better than someone else
We all built different
Yet I’m the one stuck in mental health
Wealth? I prefer it be my own
So no body can tell me what I can or can’t spend my money on like I’m not fucking grown
A partner is not some asset that you own
Grandma please ask God why he won’t make them leave me alone
And ask them bitches why 20 years later they still ain’t fucking grown
Gma… I just want to toast to the day
Be happy again and keep them bitches out my way
But it feels like nobody hears what I say
And nah Gma… they can’t force me to play
It’s all good… I’m not the best again anyway

spit flames

https://youtu.be/IwZrEmiyAG8?si=lLjI52dPQcSr9BiO

Hail Mary Anniversary date… and my gma being buried on her 100th bday

More tomorrow I’m exhausted

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Lmfao I just read that!

Guys… it may sound crazy BUT is my baby dad on here?!?? Half the time it’s who I’m talking to… I only remember a few things that don’t make sense and with the atrophy I have in my memory area wanted to let him know I really still am not sure if I do or I don’t

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They brain washed me, huh?

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https://youtu.be/YNL5GcAO0r4?si=zmVeCjKvasq4ldCS

My first slow mo was 2/3/05… and the anniversary this week… after that I started seeing angels and shadows and like… I like my mental world more so lately - because it became my comfort zone… but then people started playing on my mental like it was a joke… and that’s fucked up…. I wish they can experience insanity in front of everybody and deal with that humiliation too…

I remember Pat and Bardo played that interlude… “caution when having sexual intervourse with a girl like Cheryl, be sure to use your jimmy hat condom” I got mad but didn’t realize they may have actually been talking about me

so… I wanted to make sure my baby dad know that I didn’t know or remember… just a bunch of split seconds that I remembered differently then what it was…

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I don’t understand why psych won’t help me unless I’m 100 percent sober though - I don’t trust it or them… and I’m sure they all go home and have a glass of wine someedays - so why can’t I?

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And I don’t know how I got a Chicago bulls hat and know every word to dirty nursery rhymes… so I just wanted to say sorry if I or they hurt and lied to you too…

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That feeling in my stomach of no way out having to tell him the truth about my real age… or the outfit I had on when my brother got beat up when the red truck came and I ran down my driveway… white boots, jeans, white champion and like…

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The decoy them bitches preset on me too on July 4th… my boyfriend is home, we broke as fuck, but we have comfort and peace… when people not getting in the middle and playing games with both of us

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He hates that when I get mad how hard I get… I’m a protector too though

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So they tied me with magic too and I know exactly who and I want to be free too

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Because THEY refuse to admit mistakes and realities of THEM selves and everything they do and did to cover it up rather than just being humble and saying I fucked up

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That was over 20 yrs ago… most everybody would’ve respected that…. But now they grown and still not able to admit the reality of theirselves either and like…

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Why I have to suffer because they too privy to ever admit being wrong even when we were kids

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I don’t respect that… they cowards and evil and I saw… the more evil you do the more evil you get

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2/3/95*

2/3/95*

I want to know who is killing everybody too…

https://youtu.be/j85UDykomWA?si=m4ZoNm7hRdYMaxtV

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I do… I want to live and have fun again too… but I don’t want to be delirious or naive and forget shit so easy… like how I had a sports bra in my license pic when I remember what I really wore… and how they do that anyway… that’s hours gone from a day that I didn’t notice too and it’s not fair

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They turned me into a toy or some weapon and like… don’t care even after they see the repercussions from it

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HOV HOV HOV

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Nah that’s not who did or split it
I just heard a verse and slammed on my brakes on a divided highway

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The art of war in love…

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The day the world stood still…

If my pen was a paintbrush, I’d paint a picture to see.
A story in time; when da walls closed n on me.
It was the day the world stood still, innocence lost, and tragedy fill
A day of ending and new beginning –
Witnessed a war: righteousness vs. sinning.
The day started as one of pride,
I couldn’t imagine the secrets the night would hide.
I couldn’t imagine the faith I would come to learn,
Or the realities brought forth of souls doomed to burn.

Don’t know the alpha or the omega, neither was in sight,
but I do know the harsh reality of my bliss that night.
Perhaps I'll never know why I was the only one in the room…
And perhaps I’ll never stop wondering if ultimately it'd be my doom.
Felt like an eternity standing toe to toe,
All the while --- thinking to myself friend or foe?
I looked at him and he looked back at me it seemed it was forever, paralyzed an eternity.
But it wasn't the eyes of my enemy,
More like a familiar stare I became aware that was long lost to me.
But yes, the eyes were cold, they were dark, and they were piercing me,
What courage it took for the angel who ran upstairs to rescue me,
at that moment I realized a hero is way more than anything I could ever hope to be.


I flew down the stairs, passed the quiet guard,
jumped over the porch landed on my feet into the yard,
And there I stood as if I was in this world alone,
and I wasn’t snapped back until to the ground I was thrown.

I think I was in awe, cause I realized the ramifications of what I just saw.
“For by thee I have run through a troop; and by God have leaped over a wall”
Literally!
For this is the night I believe the angels carried me –
The halos and horns I could see so vividly
That is why I believe in my heart a martyr fell before we.

Be still fear in our enemies with ignorance their disguise
Behold the angels with the tears in their eyes.
In that moment we all came to be one – there was no divisible sides,
Together we stood and for a second coexistence won.
There together to witness and mourn the wrong that has been done.
And that is the true meaning of loss when you all wanna talk about “lost one.”

And to he, at his last breath I think he took me too,
And left a lasting impression too real and too true.
For I felt the weight lifted when a spirit was called home and I knew it was accepted,
Not left here to roam.
It wasn’t at that moment I felt restored to reality
But the world stood still did not move again until I felt that first snowflake touch me.
Now, hail Mary

I love my bf get them out of and off me idk how

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“Of my dismiss that night” we didn’t write bliss

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It’s really ignorance on first post but I don’t like that word really

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I do he thinks it’s infatuation but no… it where my life went wrong and I’m trying to pull it back together… and the comfort and peace I get…

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I love him… but just moving super slow

https://youtu.be/KO41ahKPsL0?si=kNzURPwCs_oKuv0A

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I need my will and discipline back…

https://youtu.be/Bm5iA4Zupek?si=xHSe57GM3eCdwDuM

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Cause that my moms… that’s why… I had to make sure she was straight first

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Back to knock offs… he don’t know me at all…

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Maybe one day… but my bf coming with me

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“Bitch I’m the man”

https://youtu.be/0WDe1skCb3Q?si=YVxBD4dHIxFf2nl4

https://youtu.be/jUXDp-AQRfk?si=zXuOaUNG7f8uXcEU

WHY
He wonders why I act like a boy
He thinks it’s cause of me that people treated me like some toy
He thinks I let them
Who or how like I only know 2 ends
The closest ones to me… my old friends
To let them is against my entire being
Believe half of what they say and not always what you seeing
Cold… nah… not that, I just couldn’t feel
J said you need all 3 - love lust and trust
I just need to know if it’s real
I’m not pathetic I never read shit
And I ain’t your hoe cause even she know if she fuck around she gonna get hit
All I knew of the game was the direction
And said that’s it…
I mean shit…
Went for chords not affection
But now I don’t know where I went
I’m praying for a vampire or panther
Cause my real high school bestie now has cancer
And I’m just asking that you give us a chance sir
Until free will and body was stolen then act like it was cause I didn’t quit
But I can prove it
And not even him trying to say shit
Ok… yes well a little bit
More than anyone else legit
I’d rather die then let them for sure
There’s 2 sides that sleep me
And i still don’t know which is which or who were
One make me real sick and one I don’t even notice
Then shit got too thick but tell me… what’s their bonus
Why? They do it for free
Or do they do it for money?
Because nah for facts I still don’t know this
How does anyone expect me to be less?
WHY?
Yes, I swear and I tried to prove it
But if I ain’t in the game I’m not protected and they block and refuse to move shit
I told him… yo why isn’t just cause they held me down (for you)
I was never trick and usually always had a steady man too
Why its not real does he refuse to tell me what’s true
All im trying to say if you were me?
What would you do!
I pray for the best then they all try to prove me wrong
Idk but I care cause every where I go I don’t belong
But I know I’m strong
I swear to god I never knew and didn’t remember
Don’t ask me cause I was never there
But yup… gone until november
And then they try to tell me that I shouldn’t even care
To let it go
Like hell fucking no
What would you do and I swear I was never fucking aware
I’m hurt because every last one did it too
I’m the ONLY ONE that doesn’t know what’s true
I don’t know what to do…

Lost Ones Test

#failed
Yo it wasn’t a check it was for real
I’m starting to understand and AGAIN making excuses for them - blaming the cards god deal
Cold as fuck so why the
He think that’s how everyone treat me
Nah… I just can’t understand the side that he be
nah and that’s just not me
Like he chose to be my enemy
Fat boy you are so dead cause for facts I know you lied on me
But he protect you? Believe you over me?
I’m looking in the mirror feeling super fat and ugly for months
He all I love you I love you but he just fronts
But still for some reason every time he move I’m scared he gonna leave?
It makes me so angry…
Oh what a web we conspire to weave
When I’m not the liar and shit always switch up on me
Like who they believe?
And I felt my voice weaker than a whisper and just prayed it not be
I was just hoping cause nah
I was just hoping cause coping is mandatory
No love lost none found - AGAIN - not guilty
If it’s fake or you’re paid… man then just leave
You took it to a point I wasn’t ready to face
Now all the found feelings I have to erase
And everyone act like it wasn’t love, lust, and trust
But it just bust’d
It got to come out… and I feel you now
No doubt
Just didn’t want to believe that, that’s what you really about
I’d have alll these dreams for when I finally found my man
I’d leave the test in the bathroom and record his reaction for the fam
But he didn’t, he played me, said I was seeing someone else and was anything but happy and it just killed my mental health
Lord… how the fuck you think
Nevermind…

The test was negative… and I’m just sitting here thinking bout bitches who just so competitive
Do or die that’s just how I live
And now I feel so gross inside too
Begging for the right to not forgive you
When someone popular hate you… just look what it do
But I’m a leader not of follower
And our daughter? your new bitch just swallowed her
But still you telk how I got a but shot?
Stop fronting like you real when you know that you not (LOX)
This pain and betrayal AGAIN! Gonna bleed a lot
I feel so gross and ugly
Yeah homie… I been a thot
Maybe I’ll write it on my wall to keep the memory cause he can’t take this from me
I don’t want the attention… I want to support myself and make it all go away
But bad boys never around when I want to play
These 3 words can save the day
But only on the strength of the song umbrella
Cause now I hate you either way

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Idgaf my baby dad just like you any way… and I didn’t come crawling to him cause I know my daughter would’ve lost respect for me

I can’t take and don’t need anymore to write about… if I get 1m hits can I get a dollar for each?

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Any more pain to write*

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So baby daddy what up… I was spotting all week like I remembered in inpatient but my situation with Tony I already know I get psycho synaptic

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Why he switched up on me… or why I couldn’t be stronger to stop it sooner… I mean for db and I’m not going to let no bitch shit fuck it up… I’ll just give it to them

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They can take it… i walk away… still trying to find a vampire for Jayme though

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The funny parts of insanity… on my 5 mile walk to get the courage to turn myself in after stealing that Lex… a van pulled up and I asked if they knew 50… the look terrified said no no and took off

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The only ones that answer the phone for me when I need them is fake too

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I remember the last time he cared like a year ago…

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Is someone paying them to pretend to be my friend

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All his friends hate me anyway… I’m socially awkward as fuck… and they all take that as I’m manipulative, selfish or grimy

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Nah my moms I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to my moms… suicide doesn’t take away your pain it just gives it to someone who actually did love you

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But it hurts… like my soul so sliced and diced I cry by accident the tears drop when I don’t even know I’m sad

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Yeah there is like 10 cash apps they did that was fraud but who care… they gonna win anyway and everytime… I never even stole since I was teen yo

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$30 a wallet left on the pump at the gas station… lost my job like a week later… my god the hard knocks

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They can say it but I can too… must be nice to be so privy

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Nah..: that’s what it is though… started every couple of weeks to every couple of days I just sit in my car and cry… I’m done

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I want to cry this shit out and never again

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He find a new bitch he trade me easy… even talk shit about my make up now too… fuck that I’m good

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AIDS always scared the shit out of me and it was nun if I ever got it… which id scream no nun… didn’t get aids but maybe i go nun anyway cause I don’t ever want to try again

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God protected us running… I’d wait in front of the convent and pray and ask god shit while they got it

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He had a baby with a record, he was alone young from another country, me my dad froze my moms assets and I felt we had no choice

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God protected us I know that

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I’ve been talking to god since I was miracously saved from pneumonia in 6th grade… just been blessed to know he real

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Gave too many people chances cause they didn’t know that

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My GMA the only one that callls me mjffy… I might go back to it now that she passed away idk

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She used to wrap my hair in rags cause the rollers hurt too much… her father a landlord I the 20-60s and like - she may have had more soul in her then I do… don’t judge her like that

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At mass I thought about going back… my ex burn sage, we dip it and throw water

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The incense and black smoke too… that’s why he was my comfort zone for so long - but nah I wasn’t holding out for him like that… once you hurt me for real… my heart gone

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My weird random thoughts… I’d say it’s ok I was with god… until I realized what god was letting them do to me

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If the stupid bitch just confessed and told me when shit popped off in 04 it could’ve saved my life - but she didn’t they didn’t and nobody still will

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Said it’s ok I was waiting for him anyway… yo this shit NOT OK

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I’m tired of saying it’s ok

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You know exactly where I want to go back to… a lot of mental like to be protected by the super scary too

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I can’t talk shit he always been nice to me

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Showed and taught me more than any person other then my gma and parents did

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The first time I couldn’t see in the dark and couldn’t ever since thought… that kinda suck

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I know why pac ran in the casino… me I just wu right back and respect and leave… we opposite

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https://youtu.be/a6I1wORPDZ8?si=vF8LrE1VMMz4VpvK

I’m not sadistic and save lives though… at least try

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And pac died before biggie got shot so

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Me and J get along fine and best… so really what’s the problem?

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Pac… I’ll go nun but I lost respect for mase for that - but either way let me know

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“Nah I didn’t know who was telling me or talking shit to me and my soul

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How I got a great like pac?!!?! No clue… but I want to understand what’s going on too

To be honest… I was so frustrated I said I would never date a Muslim again that I will respect Allah instead… but for real I need my god back, my RC God and that’s probably why my real man left me

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My first trace was Arabic… idk I can’t call it and I don’t care… I respect both and even my gma made lamb that Easter that he never came home

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I fall into abuse easy and it was getting harder and harder to speak up and be myself… not that he tried but because my family issues and stuff I have mental problems for real… since 13 and they knew that too

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Nah seriously though… the brain atrophy in my memory area and I’m pissed

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After he slept over and Ray lied about the suicide note… I woke up in mental so stupid that I couldn’t even figure out how to dial the telephone

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Like please I swear I didn’t know and still hardly remember stuff - just split seconds

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Nah the fucked up part if the feds still on here… check my medical files… they can’t throw those away - and if I didn’t report it I didn’t go to mental

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St Mary’s in Waterbury and wake med in Raleigh

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What’s that song @Candy I wanna be free I wanna be free I can’t find it but it’s been in my head all week

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So guys… if they do try to kill me again… cremated, with some of my ash buried with a bench as my headstone and an angel statue somewhere to… in DB with my boys!!!!!

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Nah ikon lied to and set up my partner/twin/ex and im PISSED about that too

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Keep him good just don’t… be easy on him

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It went to the point of beyond repair but yeah he was special to me and peace and comfort… but I’m good

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I’ll let myrtle beach 2010 go… I felt the 3 pops I think who ever hired them killed them too

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I can’t afford to pay my parking ticket yet though

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Nah stop I meant, don’t and be easy on him*

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The bitch that put a bug in my ear… get that twisted fucking freak off my body

Im over it that I have to live at home with cameras to be safe but can I at least make my own money and all something… I just want to see turquoise water

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And sell something*

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Pay my mom back, and get a new car

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The Chevy… fuck that Volvo for real… its not even that cute

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And way over priced

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Nah what sucks is… once I’m finally gone… I’m gone!!!!!

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Usually we stay friends but fuck all that.., you should’ve and could’ve told me

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I do love him for real and wish the best… but nah there’s no coming back from that…

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I’m sorry too… if I hit I’ll hit you off too for putting our business out there

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Because I make excuses for them and why they would do it…

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I can’t see hear or talk to him for a minute if we even can be friends again

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I just want the voices to go away so I can sleep

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I know they not real

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But it’s really annoying

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My baby dad must be someone real special for me to get an angel like pac for real

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I’m sorry they deleted you

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What… twice now?

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It’s not his fault they all lied to him

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Girl you better pray you’re not still fucking with my social

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What I’m supposed to be Shannon when they the ones that won’t stop fucking with me when all I do is mind my own business

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Just be real… he like old woman and I’m more the 3-5 yrs older type

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It hurts REAL bad

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Definitely not the snitch either… I don’t even have a record why would I?

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They expunged it

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When I stole the car running back

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I can’t sleep

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I can’t sleep… I didn’t hear what happened but yeah I got played too

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LoL…

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Ok so was I really throwing bottles in the studio on my hypothetically?

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Cause o need some help… I just want ito be me and stay me again… it feels like they won’t let me get better

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You think I was mad then? I’m so mad I just feel dead now

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Rex? Nah but the cop came from the ambulance and went in the ambulance- where the fuck was his car?

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I’m too the point I just don’t care… just DO JOT LET TJRM GET MY BODY FOR SCIENCE IF THATS WHATs up

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My brain no… but organs ok

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The principal

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Nah it seem like all the people that do like me over on that side anyway… I’m good either way

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EXHAUSTED

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Just TAF

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Betrayal hurts

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It kills me every time

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Nah I’ve seen hell and suicide highly illegal in my religion - nobody can wish or pray on that

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Cause it was better then here

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Not really… the time I jumped up to the furnace yes… but days like today real hard too… I’ve been crying since October pretty much

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Just get them all off me… I don’t fuck with the shade and they won’t stop

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I don’t know how to

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Nah… it changed me… I don’t think things will ever be the same again

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I’m only going nun if it’s the basement but maybe really the option idk

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The expression “gods gift to you is life, what you do with it is your gift back” and everybody won’t let me

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It’s my life and I don’t want it sacraficrf to them or their cause

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I never got anything I wanted unless I do have a daughter

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I pray he don’t end up with a trash bitch like that but who knows

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I doubt it… woman hit on him EVERYWHERE

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He can take his blessing and just leave me alone

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Strap up though

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Nah I never do that…that’s why I’m so mad too… he didn’t burn me or nothing but still

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Cause I was scared to go back to solitary but realized I have school now

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My phone is my Wilson

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No tv, no radio for months.., NC WAS HORRIBLE and I just feel so bad for my father

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Nah when I opened my gmas box his number was in there… I’m just gone though.,.

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My mom DID like him but doesn’t anymore

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Nah I’m definitely not into hurting peoples feelings

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Just scared cause I have to keep it 100 but hurt and don’t want to do someone help maybe

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Like I tried when he was Iin jail… and I know them exhales were real so I worry

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Cause I’m not like that and I don’t like to HAVE to leave

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I HAVE TO LEAVE

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I’m a go write it on my mirror in lipstick

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I want to sleep so bad… I could t last night either

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Nah I don’t like that not my taste get beasts off me for real

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My body is ruined again too

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Idk how but my fucking vv has stretch marks

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LMFAO

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Eyes wide open

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I’m gonna try to lay down

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I got the eye back

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I’m sick of that abuse too for real god

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And I did what to any of them bitches?

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Nah but I get tested every 6 months cause of what they did again too

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Come weed for rral… I trust you if you leave him alone

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Everyone else besides FSMLJHC I don’t want to forget anyone but fair game too

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I would’ve shot innocent people by accident when I wanted to shoot for help

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Nah I would’ve not did… it wasn’t me

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I don’t even know how to

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And don’t hit my family of course even though I know the bitch did it

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Not my mom… my aunt

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Nah that’s karma… and karma says it’s her fault he lost his engineering license too

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I’m positive my parents did what they thought best for me and I did everything they said to too

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He never told me that either

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He carried a lot of burden… too much…

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I. Skittish around psychs now

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The one I have is ok… but the first day of Neuro testing I was confused and sick in 5 minutes… the second day was fine

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It was so bad I ran out of there

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So I had to come back to finish

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Nah but how every Tom dick and harry can do it too thoiugh? How would you feel? Would you ever feel safe again ESPECIALLY when I was finally safe again… you all just sick and twisted

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They did try to start it with him again

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Just leave him alone and help him to be happy

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He broke as fuck now too

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I don’t even want to hear about repercussions don’t blame me I didn’t ask anyone to hurt me

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Or not to help save me either

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I have no kids, I have no family, I barely have a life… I don’t want to go sober and I def won’t until I feel better

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He was hugging over nips and 20s LITERALLY

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Bugging* like you don’t know I can down an entire bottle but will stay away from drinking

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Like my mom says… addiction happens when something really bad happens and you can’t get over it

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So im trying… and I know I can still be in my family as the only one

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EVERYBODY in the rooms and I was proud they sent me early so I knew the signs and to be honest it’s only when I don’t feel good

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I don’t feel good real easy… and he say I fight like a boy? I go down quick and hate it

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Cause I was back in school, working, and we saved $500 so far… I have no clue how or who knew that

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Lost everything except school

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I’m hanging by a thread

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Simple to you… torture to me

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Please get them away from me and out my zone

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Maybe cause we weren’t right for each other idk

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Im doing my friends hair tomorrow and her daughter and im exhausted idk how to sleep now

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I do I just want to sleep

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I know it seems like I always shut you out, I think that’s a spell too

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I don’t understand why he was waiting for me to leave when he could’ve just broke up with me

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Nah I need someone that loves me back and couldn’t do me like that

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It felt real though until

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He’s been steal for like 1.5 weeks now and got a new bitch out in the nice car again… I’m good

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HMU when you figure out what’s best for you and maybe I will still be single but we see

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Doubt it though

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Not trying to diss him or disrespect type but I’m not stupid either

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Nite…

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He didn’t fuck up if he didn’t love me… lying to me saying that is

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But what ever I am crazy and no one can deal

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Idc either…

Nah cause when I said I wanted my mom in their with me when I went back they said no… I don’t trust psych anymore

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My psych let her but Neuro testing wouldn’t

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They saw it was making me retarded and wouldn’t stop

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I know I slur now and everything

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What’s the lobby of having dreams if they never come true?

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What’s the point… and that’s the shit I’m not with - get them off me

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Just a family

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He can’t even give me that either so how am I should

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Soukd*

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Get them infectious spirits the fuck out of me and never let them come back again

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I’m starting to hate him more when I hear him say that over and over in my head and he tried to play it off like he was talking about going to the bathroom

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I’m not with or for anybody that fuck with my head PERIOD

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I’ll write it on the mirror in the morning and give simba to good will and burn the fake posties just to desl me in right?

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Reel* me in

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I don’t want a family now… too old and too sick

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The ring… he can give it to his new butch no problem

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Why people even pretend though… its so stupid

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I just want it start with turquoise water… even that dream been forever

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I trusted him cause I felt like I could liferally die in his arms it was so comforting

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Not anymore anyway either

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Remix belong in I the fame… “I don’t want a man I just want your man though

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Belong to the game*

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Get them out of me it’s MY body

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He wonders why I like tit FOH

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Maybe that’s why he hates it though

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I’m not the one that smokes crack sither… good luck with that though

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I hope o don’t get myself shot before I see you guys again

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I can’t help it

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TAF

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Gonna try to sleep again

Cause I know I deserve a man that wouldn’t

After what he said and did I shouldn’t but I am worried about him he don’t deserve all that

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Just give me back to Ced so he can get me to my bd then… NOW I know why I didn’t hear him at the door

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Maybe I should’ve pulled it

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Nah I think I was blessed cause I didn’t thought

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Honestly right now I really don’t knowb

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Honestly right now I really don’t knowb

this is the last song i sent you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv-If1xZx80

this is the one im listening to now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCF_SWTiRCc

and i was listening to this on the way here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbbQb9bEcDQ

Im sorry for the pink dick comment but now you understand my situation and why. I did try to date a white guy again too and he disrespected me

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NOW I SAY NEVER AGAJIN

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You crazy for setting up the kkk too for real… I want no parts of racism

I agree I don’t even want to be me and it should never happen again m
https://youtu.be/TzNjIrucbdk?si=trGXfuWC5r427LWP

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Just praying I can be myself again

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Nobody’s body is replaceable, why do you think bodies are cars? I believe bodies are sacred too

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What I don’t like is the non denominational cause like if Jesus died for hell he probably does or is gonna run shit and that’s why his book isn’t out yet… I want peace they want war - well go over there and fight each other and leave us free huggers alpine

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Tree huggers alons*

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I’m fighting for the basement too

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I left my tattoo artist cause she said angels don’t be in hell…. The hell they not

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What makes me mad about Mika keep on peeing on the couch… it didn’t even dawn on me to let him be an outside cat

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You’re destroying my family too

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I’m going to delete it

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9 of them was in one year I think when and if I got shot - why won’t they even confirm that cause I got sick in school again why my friend showed me her scars

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Not telling me or helping me deal with reality is making me sick - so like who and where is my “expert”

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WTF is going on?

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I need help

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Nah the fucked up and scary shit - is that I assume the psychs already know that and it’s not fair

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Why do people help people like them and not me

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I need income

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Just per se with disability I was insane 9x in one year 2-5 days each time is 45 absences and that doesn’t even include the 3 months recovery time… who the hell is not going to fire you if you have 45 absences in one year

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Why does disability refuse to help me and my family too.

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Does psych run the governemt now too? and that’s what’s scary

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Cause they run the hospitals

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At least mine do

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I don’t know how or who to go to for help I’ve already had 2-3 lawyers

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Yo it’s so easy for me to be healthy yeah if I’m having fun not tortured

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I don’t need much to be happy either and prefer to make my own money

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But my brain truly does need the recovery time

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Help me deal with reality too

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Because they have everyone against me

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I lost this job the one I was at 5 yrs on their command too

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Can they go check my absences while there?

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How many days was I out of work?

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Not fucking faking and I’m refusss to be a free loading bitch

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And we can prove it’s only on THEIR demand

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How does anybody deal with that?

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HOW DO I GET DISABILITY UNTIL THEY LEAVE ME ALONE

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I LOVE MONEY WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE WANT TO LIVE ON 1500 a month if it’s even that now?

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I used to make that in a week it’s not fair

- - - Updated - - -

How am I desperate for attention if I bought a basic model Kia after they hurt it… I don’t want attention I want help

- - - Updated - - -

I want to heal and get better too

- - - Updated - - -

To be honest… trusting and listening to them made me worse

- - - Updated - - -

They won’t help or let me deal with reality either

- - - Updated - - -

I’m tired of humiliating myself too

- - - Updated - - -

My rape wasn’t anyone’s business and I screamed it every where because they didn’t even help me understand threat I was raped

- - - Updated - - -

That I was*

- - - Updated - - -

That’s why they dismisssed my case when I stole the car

- - - Updated - - -

And left me bleeding black thinking it’s cause I was a vampire - why are they making me delusional

- - - Updated - - -

I’ve never had a dr longer then like 5 years so if there is one longer or any idk about ARREST THEM

- - - Updated - - -

Scared as fuck because Dr Fox was my dr too

- - - Updated - - -

Nah we have to delete this thread and I lose great work but oh well

- - - Updated - - -

Eventually not now cause my bf is right it’s a threat to me that everyone know I’m weak too

- - - Updated - - -

I IUST NEED HELP THEYRE SCARING ME!

- - - Updated - - -

Just want to earn money and help too by writing the normal stuff I write when I’m healthy and happy

- - - Updated - - -

I hate psych didn’t take one class so how they didn’t know that and do it on purpose

- - - Updated - - -

Who did this to me on purpose and why?

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I haven’t been sane since I was shot and everyone tell me know I wasn’t shot too

- - - Updated - - -

Everyone say I wasn’t shot too*

- - - Updated - - -

The absences from school is the result of seeing my friends graze wounds healing to

- - - Updated - - -

I glitched cleared accounts so my bf lost trust in me too

- - - Updated - - -

Ex boyfriend sorry - we’re trying friends now

- - - Updated - - -

I want to get better too…

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Peace and comfort in my own body instead of abuse would help… EVERYONE deserves peace and comfort in their own body

- - - Updated - - -

You can’t demand to own a rape victim it’s just gonna end bad and I pray not for everybody or innocent people

- - - Updated - - -

It just feels like they are doing it on purpose

- - - Updated - - -

Why is everyone letting them get away with it they refuse to stop… that’s your culture not mine and I don’t like it

- - - Updated - - -

They knew I was raped and tied me to the bed in the hospital anyway

- - - Updated - - -

I wish I could make them understand what that feels like

- - - Updated - - -

Not sure who zipped me out and grateful it was like only 5 minutes I had to feel that

- - - Updated - - -

When I woke up the restraints were off but it was probably like when I was in atc after the rape how they shackled me to the chairs all night and took me out and put me on the chair with pillow and blanket 10 minutes before the nurses came in

- - - Updated - - -

They’re off the hook

- - - Updated - - -

The police did it because I was so mad when I woke up and saw my old friend outside the car I went ballistic

- - - Updated - - -

I calmed down after cursing out the cop but they shackled me anyway

- - - Updated - - -

I was told I was hallucinating so when she called me a few years later I thought she grew up from the od of pills she gave me calming down only to realize just so it looks good for her and it wasn’t an accident she did it on purpose

- - - Updated - - -

We didn’t speak for years what was she even doing there?

- - - Updated - - -

How did she even know

- - - Updated - - -

I learned it’s no one’s business if you forgive them or not and you don’t give them a chance to do it again

- - - Updated - - -

As a result I am a slow learner now too

- - - Updated - - -

We stoped taking because she refused that she even gave me the pills even though my sister found them in her cabinet

- - - Updated - - -

We stopped talking because she refused to admit it*

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I truly thought it was an accident though

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Idgaf but they all refuse to stop or leave me alone and now no one.believes me

- - - Updated - - -

I realized how evil she got when I got home and called her to tell her Tim was still in jail and she hung up on me and said she was with her family laughing

- - - Updated - - -

THATS when I realized she was never my friend… why did she pretend to be though?

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To be honest… I think doing evil shit makes you more evil the more you do it

- - - Updated - - -

That bitch is rabid

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I heard she doing good now and it’s not my motive in getting justice I just am not going to sacrafice myself to her issues…

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And socios shouldn’t run or own or have power over me

- - - Updated - - -

CLEAN UP YOUR OWJ MESS… even though she shot in the dark on a weekend I was up here I had NOTHING to do with it

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I do recall someone weeding thru me though I. Like 04 years and years prior for a different reason…

- - - Updated - - -

I did see Ming a little tonight my boy said chicken head and my roads are still cutting off too

- - - Updated - - -

I despise magic

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If I was driving the other night which I always do, me and my bf and another innocent person would probably be dead too… I kept screaming cause I thought he was running off the road etc

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t like hallucinating

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And bitches like that shouldn’t have that power over people better than her

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But that’s the dark that’s the light… I wait to heal and get better too

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Want*

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I don’t want the responsibly and I don’t like the rituals and such so I just don’t like witchcraft

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I’d like to go back to car accidents should truly be an accident

- - - Updated - - -

You can’t demand to change my religion because you’re scared

- - - Updated - - -

Evidentially not anymore I’m the one scared instead

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I saw that too… and I can’t wait until she kicks your mother fucking ass

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I learned sometimes you just have to point the gun but be careful who holds it

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I don’t want that responsibly either

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I’m sure he was on coke but the autopsy would’ve proved that and you all wouldn’t have got the insurance mi not trying to start or open old wounds it’s just how I feel and it’s haunting me

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And then you don’t even give the teenager that was left alone alone any? FOH

- - - Updated - - -

If o was a witch your power would be REVOKED

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Almost alone*

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That’s in the dark though so should probably be resolved that way too because I’m tired of being her Victim too

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I think she’s the one that tied me

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Literally can’t get up or move like you being held down type only there add no ropes you just don’t have the strength to move

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Are no real ropes*

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If you’re afraid someone can kick your ass why do you fuck with them?

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The worst part is the bitch can fight too

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Did he really get buried in Hawthorne? Or was that a lie to make me feel like it was my fault too?

- - - Updated - - -

Because when his son died too it was after I was tripping posting underwear shots he said wtf too

- - - Updated - - -

They won’t stop… people are not at your disposal especially people better than you and I don’t think it’s a coincidence

- - - Updated - - -

I wanted to write for him he could flow…

- - - Updated - - -

But to be honest I think other people are scared to help too

- - - Updated - - -

It makes me mad that people like us go down for people like them and I don’t understand why any god would allow it

- - - Updated - - -

Car accidents should truly be an accident

- - - Updated - - -

I feel it was on purpose

- - - Updated - - -

My neice flipped her car at 90mph too and she just turned 21

- - - Updated - - -

I used to speed for no reason too… she fractured her face and has epilepsy now and lost her own career in hair dressing because she can’t hold scissors until she hasn’t had a seizure for however long

- - - Updated - - -

She hasn’t been able to go back to work yet

- - - Updated - - -

I wish it was me instead

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My roads are still cutting off too… LEAVE ME ALONE it’s not my fault your finally caught

- - - Updated - - -

I know there’s an after and I know hell is real too… and I feel like just cause you say sorry you’re still going there

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Until you really are sorry

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Bitch you’re sick for real

- - - Updated - - -

RABID

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I really am trying to figure out why I’m in a hell on earth though… my god judges us in the after and I dodnt even do shit

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My mom is lingering upstairs to be nosy and that’s her nature im cool with that but I miss being able to live alone

- - - Updated - - -

Privacy and my step dad is a control freak that hides my cigarettes and gives me a pack a day he hides sweets liquor etc… its ridiculous but I get it I just despise control freaks so it’s hard

- - - Updated - - -

In defense they pay for the cigs and sometimes I do smoke more than a pack a day

- - - Updated - - -

At 45 it sucks to be forced to do what you’re told

- - - Updated - - -

I can’t get up and leave it’s a blizzard

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To be honest I rhink it makes me worse

- - - Updated - - -

If I had my own money etc

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Not have to ask for every dollar and tell them exactly where I spend it etc… but I get it

- - - Updated - - -

Do you?

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I’m miserable

- - - Updated - - -

Get out of my body and waving my hand

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t like or respect you or this religion either

- - - Updated - - -

What? Are they doing to stand outside my door until I go to sleep?

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t want to

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I’m not putting this on my parents I’m putting it on Crabtree Toyota

- - - Updated - - -

If they come to the door and I don’t open it I go to the hospital but I don’t want to cause I’m smoking in my room

- - - Updated - - -

So I’m pretty much fucked either way lol

- - - Updated - - -

I miss being functional

- - - Updated - - -

Prolong this for what?!?

- - - Updated - - -

If I turn on the tv she will know that I’m up

- - - Updated - - -

So I guess I HAVE TO go to sleep

- - - Updated - - -

Nah my ex that is still my friend isn’t allowed in the house anymore and if we have to go to hotel to hang out neither one of us can afford it

It feels like someone is taking away my peace and comfort of ties to anybody who helps on purpose

- - - Updated - - -

The sick shit is what I tried sending back they use it to stop my sex life it feels like too

- - - Updated - - -

THATS what happened again too

- - - Updated - - -

You spelled her name wrong PRICK

- - - Updated - - -

What’s that supposed to me anyway… your over priced use car is tacky as fuck

- - - Updated - - -

Mean*

- - - Updated - - -

That’s what they do… they illegally try to force my decisions too

- - - Updated - - -

By not letting me get to mine and I’m not financing until they stop I don’t want a repo again

- - - Updated - - -

My ex thought I actually fell in love with my capture?!?? FOH

- - - Updated - - -

Sick twisted rich fuck

- - - Updated - - -

Watch the video the worst cause that will cause me to ice pick him

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t to have to, to be free

- - - Updated - - -

But if it’s legal ok

- - - Updated - - -

Don’t want to have to* and I didn’t realize that one was my business and not bf

- - - Updated - - -

I thought they all were my bfs

- - - Updated - - -

I always had bfs and not friends really

- - - Updated - - -

I was a work a holic too

- - - Updated - - -

I do miss it but I don’t want to be a delirious dumb bitch that let you get away with doing anything you want to me without even noticing

- - - Updated - - -

And I didn’t almost kill him for cheating it was because I heard him laughing in the background of the weird 222 text that started all my hell to begin with

- - - Updated - - -

Nextel not text* I thought he was involved and sometime my angels act before I realize

- - - Updated - - -

I got mad respect for him but I’m respecting my bf and he’s right he did slip me once… but I know he had no choice too and

- - - Updated - - -

Not in love with him at all since he hurt me too but he did help me allot

- - - Updated - - -

He did become a better person since that and I respect that too

- - - Updated - - -

Great now my step dad goes outside and my window open so now he gonna come up to make sure my heat isn’t on too

- - - Updated - - -

MONEY is my biggest problem

- - - Updated - - -

Why can’t I get better and make my own?

- - - Updated - - -

AND MY PARENTS

- - - Updated - - -

Why do my parents have to fund your entertainment?

- - - Updated - - -

I refuse to go back to running PERIOD

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My nerves are shot and I wouldn’t be able to even if I did want to

- - - Updated - - -

Yes I miss a lot of my old friends

- - - Updated - - -

Or what be with some old twisted rich sick fuck? Hell no I die… I can’t sleep with people I am not attracted to

- - - Updated - - -

I rather die*

- - - Updated - - -

They’re triaging to alienate me from my friends too but I still trust them

- - - Updated - - -

I do have heart for my bd too but I don’t want to live feeling insecure all the time… you’re out my league and I know it

- - - Updated - - -

I know it’s not him doing it either no matter how many times you set him up too

- - - Updated - - -

I think so I have no choice but him (the twisted freak) and he thinks I’d be happy for someone to “save” me

- - - Updated - - -

Use your money to feed the poor instead stalking me and maybe I would have respected you

- - - Updated - - -

You’re confused over sponsors watching over FREAK

- - - Updated - - -

Don’t you ever in your life tell me what I want and demand it again

- - - Updated - - -

Maybe if you mind your fucking business… you’re not trying to help me

- - - Updated - - -

Well he didn’t do it to me…

- - - Updated - - -

It is therapeutic to vent

- - - Updated - - -

Can I go back to normal and do it in a healthy productive way?

- - - Updated - - -

Everyone tell me to let it go… not all of it… especially when they won’t even let me

- - - Updated - - -

I have so many issues I have to prioritize but when I FEEL like if too - and that’s why they won’t stop hitting me too

- - - Updated - - -

I do not know how ro bfeak free

- - - Updated - - -

Killing me is not going to solve your problem either you are just making it worse for yourself

- - - Updated - - -

FACTS

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And people like that shouldn’t be able to effect a majority

- - - Updated - - -

Idk who the one white freak is but I hear him all the time and it’s annoying as fuck too

- - - Updated - - -

Old white freak I can tell from his voice

- - - Updated - - -

It started after mb2010 I heard him crying

- - - Updated - - -

I taught it was god and got scared

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Thought*

- - - Updated - - -

I’m already mentally ill I don’t need the artificial extra shit

- - - Updated - - -

I’m mentally ill since I was 13 FACTS but you don’t have to make me more sick for your cause

- - - Updated - - -

YOU ARE FUCKING WIRH MY RELIGION especially cause I can’t tell the difference sometimes

- - - Updated - - -

And don’t make fun of me cause I met allahs angels when I was like 15 too

- - - Updated - - -

What were our dreams crushed for?

- - - Updated - - -

I’m used to being balanced but i want to go real slow and be sure of what I want because I take marriage seriously and don’t want it like that yet

- - - Updated - - -

Cause I would be trapped unless it’s my life on the line

- - - Updated - - -

I actually was younger cause my fairy god mother was in the hospital with me and helped me get better a lot too and took out my prom dress etc

- - - Updated - - -

I respect PERIOD… and you’re not going to assume or judge me for that either

- - - Updated - - -

I understand I was scared of being prejudice after 9/11 too

- - - Updated - - -

It doesn’t make what you did to me ok though

- - - Updated - - -

I. Sorry I told everybody but they judged me what that scream was about too and why I would forgive

- - - Updated - - -

They’re fucking me up

- - - Updated - - -

AND VERY CONFUSED

- - - Updated - - -

It was solved until what year bitch?

- - - Updated - - -

I resent you ruining my life for your cause… I never get my dreams DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT

- - - Updated - - -

You kept me from my child too

- - - Updated - - -

I KNOW SHE WAS THERE TOO

- - - Updated - - -

Money can’t fix that but it would fucking hdlp

- - - Updated - - -

When did I get raped when we stil lived in CT

- - - Updated - - -

Wait YOU still lived in CT

- - - Updated - - -

wtf were you even talking about?

- - - Updated - - -

Cause you lived in nc when they hit me in Myrtle beach so I am confused PERIOD

- - - Updated - - -

We both have tempers and it’s not fair

- - - Updated - - -

Yes I like then Dr who made me try to draw 10 past 11 or what ever too

- - - Updated - - -

Try again*

- - - Updated - - -

Who made me try again

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t have to be this sick but brain damage can’t be reversed

- - - Updated - - -

ANONYMOUS and you assume why too NOVE OF EVERYBODYS FUCKING BUSINESS AND thanks to the people that are respecting that too

- - - Updated - - -

When can I?

- - - Updated - - -

I need help idk how to get better

- - - Updated - - -

When is my fucking nightmare over?

- - - Updated - - -

Life been crying since October

- - - Updated - - -

I’ve been crying since October*

- - - Updated - - -

I’m not trying to lock him in or steal someone’s man he deserves to be happy too

- - - Updated - - -

And I need his help too

- - - Updated - - -

The last thing I want is someone to be here for me cause they feel they have to

- - - Updated - - -

Or people that feel “sorry” for me but hurt me again too

- - - Updated - - -

No way in hell are you walking

- - - Updated - - -

THAYS who deserves to be on the list not mine

- - - Updated - - -

Unless it’s to help

- - - Updated - - -

I believe him FOR FACTS

- - - Updated - - -

If we handle it we both go back to jail so someone else has to

- - - Updated - - -

Just want to be free too

- - - Updated - - -

I prefer law but to be honest I know gods justice is worse too

- - - Updated - - -

He has 3 accusations that I know of

- - - Updated - - -

I’m just a little slow to catch up but when he showed me that picture like here bitch

- - - Updated - - -

Youre lucky to be alive

- - - Updated - - -

Yes.. just like the ATM

- - - Updated - - -

Ironic that I’m sending a h black man without a record to jail but that’s the breaks unless anyone has suggestions

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t even want to known what else he did PERIOD

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t understand you were supposed to be my friend and I never did you wrong so WHY?!?!?

- - - Updated - - -

Cause you finally realized I was never goi g to fuck you?

- - - Updated - - -

Why does all the people i trust betray me for real?

- - - Updated - - -

It’s not religion if we can prove it

- - - Updated - - -

Cause that’s not my god by any means

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t want to have to go to court either

- - - Updated - - -

Who was using who asshole.. I don’t use people

- - - Updated - - -

Where were you getting all that money… did you think even once to pay child support scum

- - - Updated - - -

It just goes to your selfish privy character but none of my business either

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t need to hear your ass cry either

- - - Updated - - -

I have lots of reasons why I would never get with you and that’s one

- - - Updated - - -

I that wouldgr been a match but I don’t want to fist fight at family.gatherings either and a psycho girl is obsessed with him

- - - Updated - - -

I love my bf for real and we’re trying to get it right for all of us

- - - Updated - - -

Even if that means just friends

- - - Updated - - -

I know I don’t want to be with anyone else though

- - - Updated - - -

Or try again.

- - - Updated - - -

Or try dating again*

- - - Updated - - -

I’m not going to be bullied and lock myself in the house cause I’m scared though either… why the fuck does everyone hate me?

- - - Updated - - -

Is there a reason why it takes 3 days for a check to clear with no available balance?

- - - Updated - - -

It didn’t use to do that type ish

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t really like talking on the phone but getting used to it again too

- - - Updated - - -

He knows how to handle me if you let him

- - - Updated - - -

And stop lying to him about me too

- - - Updated - - -

I hate it but throw the girls at him all you want cause he deserves to find his own happy too even if it’s not with me

- - - Updated - - -

As long as he still is in my life I’d be fine

- - - Updated - - -

Who keeps tapping my vv inappropriately cause I never gave anyone permission to do that and they won’t get the message NO and leave me and my body alone

- - - Updated - - -

I was a hoe when I was a kid though…

- - - Updated - - -

I learned my lesson

- - - Updated - - -

Probably why I would believe my baby daddy hate me

- - - Updated - - -

He’s not even that much older than me he was a kid too so wtf?!??

- - - Updated - - -

Something happened when I got shot that made me realize and remember some things again

- - - Updated - - -

But too much all at once and I snapped

- - - Updated - - -

I’m not sure

- - - Updated - - -

You’re boxing god not me

- - - Updated - - -

All I do is mind my own business so wtf too

- - - Updated - - -

Just cause I’m polite and passive doesn’t mean I’m a push over

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t think there is anything wrong with who I am only when someone I don’t even like or respect tries to change me

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t want to be you either

- - - Updated - - -

Be like you*

- - - Updated - - -

I bet you anything because I wouldn’t tell her who I thought my soul mate was… am I right Madi?

- - - Updated - - -

WHO BIPOLAR ROO

- - - Updated - - -

Or god complex I know nothing about that shit and don’t want to

- - - Updated - - -

Can the drs please stop telling me I’m the one that thinks I’m mightier than others?

- - - Updated - - -

Or bitching me repeatedly

- - - Updated - - -

My favorite aunt… I fell asleep ib 2 seconds cause I knew I was safe and she did it too but I forgive her

- - - Updated - - -

Nah only when my dad wasn’t aeound I know he didn’t know but probably found out

- - - Updated - - -

There I agree to let my family decide what’s best it’s probably solved it everyone will just stop

- - - Updated - - -

How about the you’re going to be fine… I AM FAR FROM OK

- - - Updated - - -

Im hurt because i trusted my drs and they made me worse

- - - Updated - - -

And my angel was getting pissed off I was so stupid to realize

- - - Updated - - -

GUYS I SWEAR TO GOD I WAS SOBER and that’s why I’m scared too

- - - Updated - - -

Yeah because dbt9 is a recreational drug right? FUCK YOU

- - - Updated - - -

My ONLY dirty urine

- - - Updated - - -

And of pac let me you know it’s serious - I used to be judgemental and blame drugs for everything to

- - - Updated - - -

It’s not like I smoke crack or do dope but why they always surrounding me with them?

- - - Updated - - -

If anyone was talking or me in the dark it wasn’t me and I could never get thru my damn. Self… I know nothing about this shit

- - - Updated - - -

I know who my happy private safe place was though so they took that from me too it feel

- - - Updated - - -

My favorite soonsors bitch now I know why too

- - - Updated - - -

And no it wasn’t twisted or like that at all

- - - Updated - - -

Who is abusing me and has a problem with my vv anyway

- - - Updated - - -

And why?!?!

- - - Updated - - -

And since my bf was in jail it’s not even fighting for the same man

- - - Updated - - -

Not to everyone

- - - Updated - - -

I’m hoping the rest of oui lifted will be extra fun

- - - Updated - - -

Lives*

- - - Updated - - -

But everyone want drama instead

- - - Updated - - -

I know manny has to be just as pissed too… he would’ve been a good rap artist and nah like my little brother I would ndver

- - - Updated - - -

All my boys weee better than most

- - - Updated - - -

If that’s what they want I would dictate someone else’s life or dreams

- - - Updated - - -

I wouldnt*

- - - Updated - - -

It fundamentally makes me happy to see other people shine… I’m not. Hater and you’re not going to make fun of me for that either

- - - Updated - - -

If you can’t coexist get out

- - - Updated - - -

Please if I’m a fell I’m. Everybody I don’t agree with snitching but the the convent needs to be fine tuned cause if someone is abusing ior hurting you, you have to pretty much

- - - Updated - - -

Get them out my body it’s not funny

If I’m going to snitch I’m going to tell everybody! It really wasn’t me they set ME up

- - - Updated - - -

It could be the reason I got shot but I don’t think so

- - - Updated - - -

What about the people who have no clhoife and HAVE to… your lucky you don’t know anything about that

- - - Updated - - -

I still blame the users

- - - Updated - - -

Drs appt brb

- - - Updated - - -

They didn’t send me the link yet

- - - Updated - - -

But the ones using that kill people I blame them it’s conditional

- - - Updated - - -

I want nothing to do with it either

Can I post in open mic again?

- - - Updated - - -

TAF going to sleep

- - - Updated - - -

Nah I didn’t want to not get family and live like one

- - - Updated - - -

Far from perfect like shouldn’t have put everything out there or lot to have the common sense to realize what pac was trying to tell me

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I feel like he’s here and I’m finally safe and can sleep again

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“Even as an adolescent refused to be a convalescent I know that means old and in a way that too BUT sleep is more important than anything right now

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Pentagrams evil or twisted shit no…. Bloody Mary in the mirror and light as a feather stiff as a board yes

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Who was torturing me and why?

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Not blaming anyone on the site just hoping you all can figure it out but I can’t other then some of my old friends in BIG trouble lol

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Nite ��+

To be honest I was about to be 18 or 18… did psych and that old creeper do it?

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Can’t sleep again…

Thanks for reopening my thread but if I can’t post on open mic how am I supposed to find my ish?!?!!!

love your new name you dirty girl hehe

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so when are you going to post in open mics again to you want to collab once you get your ish up n running..

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did you get banned.. whyd they close your thread..

hope you can post soon queenie

Hey @Candy nah I keep trying to post to open mic so I can find them but they take them down and put on my thread lol

I’d love to collab but chill with the icky shit… I’m sensitive

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@Candy no nun is a pac thing… id scream no nun to him and god all the time - I wanted a family

Why my signature not working?

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Jicera and yup omfg Asia was an option too…

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Thought about China…

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Why didn’t anybody just say something though?

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Nah did not remember at all until I got shot

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Then it was what year was that too much at once

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How would you feel if you got to heaven or hell at least that lady in beatlejuice and didn’t even know your own life story

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Insanity can be funny too

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To SOME of us

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Spirits be lying too and yeah I won’t say homie anymore now too cause I’m scared lmao

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THIS is what I’m gong to miss if I quit

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That’s what I’m scared of too

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Yes there is life after death Ray… “I don’t really like Mary but…” and then my scene switched again. I’m fine

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Not my issue unless you still fucking with me

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You had your daughter with you though? I know you know she saw me too smh

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I’m not speaking to ANYBODY!!! How you sit there and let them though? Not even help! How was ANYBODY confused type of fucked up

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I swear no clue and as much as I do her pac and stuff like why you didn’t just say it either

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I remember enough

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He*

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I was 14… NO CLUE! But since she about 4-5 months in this pic… praying he do

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I lied… the lie we couldn’t get thru

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Say goodbye

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They’re so selfish, like life is all about them… Dear Makaveli

Even though I know this letter will never reach you
I just wanted to let you know you’ve been on my mind…
Not because of who you became and what I feel is due
Just to let you know the comfort in the memories that I still find in you,
Sitting here reminiscing of the days I wish I could rewind
Like playing football in the rain, But…
The echoes of laughter then, they now drive me insane
It dangles like a noose suffocating my brain

C

I know, and I get it… cause I seen it all before
Now that everyone can see the majesty that I saw so easily saw
You couldn’t decipher truth from a whore
The last time I saw you the elevation thru exhilaration as I witnessed your hesitation
Then after the love that we made you said no more
It stabbed me with a pain deeper than the 8 swords my tarot predicted
And ever since then my world became kind of shifted…
I want you to know that I don’t blame you,
I know you were preparing me for a lie you knew we couldn’t get thru

C … Do you hear me crying?

I wasn’t too young to understand it when but then came the next loop to the bend
The one to pick me up from the fall couldn’t face the order too tall
And the one who was truly true became victim of how evil these streets can do
As I witnessed the sentence served of 22
What? Am I supposed to watch the unpredictable of now and how he gonna end up just like you
Or just deal with the real of the reality set forth in realization of my own true? (it was always you)
As we rise and we fall we have roads set forth to beat
As I sit here fingering the outline of my scars again humbling myself to the defeat
And as my own story unfolds, I wish I stuck up for us then just to warn you
But all I could do was cry and spit lies just to scorn you
I know now you did what was best for me, but the test couldn’t invest in the rest I’d see

__________________________

And on a personal…

I never made love ever again,
It was more like we was in Cesar’s war and I became that opposite whore just trapping a friend
I’m scared now that my ice has melted and I’m not sure where this leaves me,
Just figured out I’d reach out to the one that always felt it and was 3 steps before what I could see
And… I pray this letter reaches you in time, it feels like years left of my own sentence
Yet they never told me my own crime as they whisper all in due time
I didn’t come here to remind you of the pain that you caused when you left me too
More like I finally remember what I blacked out and how now even though it’s harder than ever…
I’m always admiring and praying for you – What’s love got to do with it?
But you still can’t see what we all do so plainly – put down your guns and just realize who’s true
And maybe then you’ll see what real love in form of agape can do.

I hope I can help snap you back too…. I’ll always love you.

Sincerely… Me, C

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I jumped back in when I heard Ced screaming

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After I think

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At least if I tell I’m a tell EVERYBODY!! I wasn’t snitching so who was behind me?

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That’s illegal

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I do feel like someone fucking around with my account and stuff again too

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Does anybody know where she is?

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My mom doesn’t remember either but don’t take that for granted either cause I will blow up the entire game

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Feel so stupid and clueless but goes to show my what they call it conceitedness? Why would I think someone like you would love someone like me too! But I remember you screaming there and trying and then I started hearing you too in the midst of torture

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That “what you looking at self” need to stop, they have no rite to make me feel or look ugly either

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I know they hate Muslims cutting my hair and shit LOL if I was Muslim like OMFG

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My point is… all anyone had to do was tell me or ask

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The Quran in all respect was like that movie never ending story type real

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I made promises to my church and realized I did that pregnant too but I respect

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So does my gma who made lamb the Easter I was dating a Muslim so… idk idc just a lot on my plate still

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That April 29th brb

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Don’t kill me because that wedding was play/pretend cause my boy that saved me saw I was walking dead

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Idk what happened

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Everything was fine…

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But I was already 18 4 months that September too…

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I do know in my heart and as much as I see you and you’re there and stuff. I know you would’ve come back for me if you were still alive

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LOVE STYLES P and wrote him back too

I used to say I’d never do a bid, and ain’t nothing in life more important then the kids
That the code of the streets was more loyal then your profile is
And that id give my life if it would give him back his
I’d say hit, shot, smoke when I’d stand in their circle
Then I lost my mind and they only cared how my birds call
When your walking or marching or just airing it out
People see you different then their reAsable doubt
They think your spoiled or special and can’t understand the fall or the respect due
They didn’t know It was half faith in My God that I was trying to show you too
You Look them in the eye and turn, tell them to shoot you in the back that’s how our law do
Or living by a code we seem to all lose
The only codes we ever understood or respect
Then they look me at can’t understand the harsh deck
And I say it’s prolly when my family left that I died
Smile and wave...
And it’s in only in secret when And if I ever cried
I’d say I’m still a lot like you
Just different, that’s why the respect too
My own seeds hate me, and I didn’t trade my life instead that’s just how fate be
And if I did it for one I did it for all... but I guess it’s just how the fallen and the walking dead fall...

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Been around… pulled me in

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Sorry Jay but his song cried even better than yours!!!

https://youtu.be/cx9DZuPseNQ

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I was not entitled or spoiled on the streets by any means

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I was good at hypotheticals… but you’re not gonna blame me for being an airhead

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Even if out of statues I promise

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When they wouldn’t believe me again I confessed to my worst crime - RUNNING

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lol life

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“Will it take me under… idk”

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I’ll let you know when it stops pac

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I had no clue why I was being tortured

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And why no one would help or believe me

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I fall for the dumb shit everytime… WAYYY TOO MANY SWEETS

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We’re still cool… he my angel too just has a harsh delivery smh

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Motivated me to work again, school, and going sober - but he lied to my mom and told her I was a coke whore like NAHHHH lmfao

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I still can’t get ice coffee

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I prefer to make my own money - can I by writing? How?

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I know if he left me something someone would’ve reached out

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He was yelling at me about one of my promises about my I thought would be kids but I didn’t know if it was mad or frustration in Myrtle beach he was with me the entire time - maybe why I don’t remember at all really

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And then I traced 50 so that’s how he got me there

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A normal person would’ve understood quicker with the videos and stuff but not me… at first it would scare me more

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That atrophy in only my memory though type kicker guys

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Mental is off the fucking hook

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I get lost on my own street sometimes

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How would you feel?

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Nah don’t take offense… I’ve got a good heart cause I’m that viscous

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Sould? I was just hearing what they were talking about and stood in case I did fuck up - I’m fine

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They can’t keep coming back though

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Guys… what about charging $9.99 a month for a section where talent scalps go?

I worked hard on my “a better tomorrow” I named it wu track 10 I think…. It better not be lost!!!! Can someone find it?

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@Candy only name I can remember right now

rememberance day
..

i was told,
the things you forget are things meant to be left behind
left in time, subsided in the corners of your mind
a life you once lead or an action you may climb
this adventure you may explore
left to live on the ground floor
never more
like a toy makers last toy bench - a mess
like a dress makers last dress un-hemmed
like a florist last flower un-stemmed
and so fourth
we keep striving though
surving to become the 100% we know we are
hopefully not to forget the travels is what makes you what you are

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our collab

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...38#post8986438

Lost You

I’m so fucking confused! It was like today he literally spit in my face type after we just talked yesterday about how much I need him or that I’m looking for the type of man that is friends with me first - whether we together or not! And then where my heart said there IS love… I don’t trust that he does either. But I’m sorry I didn’t get it, and I’m sorry I finally realized when it was too late… I feel so stupid because I really don’t understand what is going on, I can’t seem to retain it, and I just want to be happy! L is not the lead… they stole me from ced and I was under the impression me and my now ex bf were on the same team because it felt so familiar too. He’s a follower - that shocked me too! It sucks because it was brought to a point of no return and I’ve just been sitting here all night staring. Sad as fuck and yet another hit to my esteem cause they either say I’m crazy or I’m not - nah I’m fucking crazy for real… do you think he starts fights on purpose because he know how sick I get when we do fight… I was like that with a few of my bf… I don’t like their world, I don’t like giving the finger when I don’t want to and feeling like my enemies or hearing their voices or feeling them tap… NOBODY ON THIS EARTH HAD A RITE TO ATTACH TO MY BODY

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And then abuse and torture it at that

I just want to know what’s going on… who did what where so I can just handle it

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If I can just be myself, by myself, with no drama or people that make me sick like Kevin - I would be fine

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I was shaking for no reason today doing hair, I keep waving my hands and like… TAF me and this breed just don’t get along

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They tortured me beyond comprehension and still won’t stop

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I saw pac….but they’re never going to let me free until they get the answer they want and I really can’t do that

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I think my old friends were selling me for real

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How they got my sleep? How they got that rite over me?

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June can vouge on that… and pac can vouge every relationship been hit with the same magic that I didn’t even do or provoke since like 2010

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I don’t want to be with somebody who is capable of treating me like this no matter what… even if they are a soulmate. My mom was right to not let him in our house

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She’s tried of the fighting and me crying everyday

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It’s not my dr and they’re disrespectful to me and my body… I can usually tell the difference

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I’m only dealing with Roman Catholic or Muslim as a mushrik - these other religions need to leave me the fuck alone

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Voodoo falls under Roman Catholic but I’m not the only one that knows that too

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They won’t let me be me they’re trying to change me and my personally and how I look and feel too

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I don’t like it… it makes me uncomfortable in my own body all day every day

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Missing school again and he knew that too… I refuse to go to school when I’m this sick and skward and it just feeling like they doing that on purpose too! 50… If I change my phone number - are you going to press charges for all those emails lol

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The meanest shit ever… guys you take him I’m done - pac still protect him and yeah I will hit him off if I get paid to write but only on what pertains to us

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Anybody have legal suggestions on how I breathe again? Cause I’m done dating

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This NA hits me in a bad way because I know I’m only struggling cause of their extra

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I didn’t want that plight too

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That voice? That one not the twisted one is like every 10 minutes for like hours everyday

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It’s annoying as fuck

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I’m pretty sure if you don’t piss me off or make me sad id be fine too

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SOMEONE PLEASE GET THEM BITCHES OFF ME BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW

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Cause Nipsy still would’ve been a baby and yay it’s computer generated - come get me!!!

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Nah the world not ready… I’m strong and look what it did to me

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Mayhem in my opinion but do feel as theee kids now get older you can

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You can see the fear and then a lot change color too from what I’ve heard from moms lately

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The eyes…

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Nah it doesn’t make any of it ok… in fact it makes it worse

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Nah I’m pretty sure I’m just wind but still

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Cause I spiked that day and jumped over the porch and landed on my feet… but can’t do that shit any other day

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Idky I can’t see in the dark anymore either

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17 shots out of 3 people? FOH

OMFG my mom got this new air freshener in the.bathroom - every time I randomly squirts I jump… I can’t get used to it

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lol… sad as fuck..: me and my bf going our ways… he must’ve believed them too or like my mental is hard to handle and like… I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad - but I rather him leave than disrespect me so I guess I respect that