that guys messed up
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that guys messed up
Mary
The day the world stood still…
If my pen was a paintbrush, I’d paint a picture to see.
A story in time; when da walls closed n on me.
It was the day the world stood still, innocence lost, and tragedy fill
A day of ending and new beginning –
Witnessed a war: righteousness vs. sinning.
The day started as one of pride,
I couldn’t imagine the secrets the night would hide.
I couldn’t imagine the faith I would come to learn,
Or the realities brought forth of souls doomed to burn.
Don’t know the alpha or the omega, neither was in sight,
but I do know the harsh reality of my ignorance that night.
Perhaps I'll never know why I was the only one in the room…
And perhaps I’ll never stop wondering if ultimately it'd be my doom.
Felt like an eternity standing toe to toe,
All the while --- thinking to myself friend or foe?
I looked at him and he looked back at me it seemed it was forever, paralyzed an eternity.
But it wasn't the eyes of my enemy,
More like a familiar stare I became aware that was long lost to me.
But yes, the eyes were cold, they were dark, and they were piercing me,
What courage it took for the angel who ran upstairs to rescue me,
at that moment I realized a hero is way more than anything I could ever hope to be.
I flew down the stairs, passed the quiet guard,
jumped over the porch landed on my feet into the yard,
And there I stood as if I was in this world alone,
and I wasn’t snapped back until to the ground I was thrown.
I think I was in awe, cause I realized the ramifications of what I just saw.
“For by thee I have run through a troop; and by God have leaped over a wall”
Literally!
For this is the night I believe the angels carried me –
The halos and horns I could see so vividly
That is why I believe in my heart a martyr fell before we.
Be still fear in our enemies with ignorance their disguise
Behold the angels with the tears in their eyes.
In that moment we all came to be one – there was no divisible sides,
Together we stood and for a second coexistence won.
There together to witness and mourn the wrong that has been done.
And that is the true meaning of loss when you all wanna talk about “lost one.”
And to he, at his last breath I think he took me too,
And left a lasting impression too real and too true.
For I felt the weight lifted when a spirit was called home and I knew it was accepted,
Not left here to roam.
It wasn’t at that moment I felt restored to reality
But the world stood still did not move again until I felt that first snowflake touch me.
Now, hail Mary
https://youtu.be/IW44dSopQeg?si=jx54RdlnoQLnabOh
I hate when people try to walk me… but X he pastor X… and all applicable and gonna play it again
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Me and my bf listening now
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We were just laughing like nope got to stay on easg coast cause them roads…LoL
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Oh the buildings? The guy with the orange shirt flying set me in a daze
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Lost it… got confused… I’ll listen later
Not all but funny too
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I think it’s angels to remind him and us and other people that angels be every where for reason
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For every single one… good and bad
Well… angel X
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What he say… to leave to you Lord… not them… cause here on this earth out of people…. No one knows what it’s like to be yourself or know yourself more than you. I do know what I’m not and it’s not right that they keep trying to force me
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I didn’t say for reason I said FOR EVERYONE
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Who keeps trying to set me up on some dumb probably can’t admit that they’re were and are wrong - on the dumb juvenile shit
Kim’s Crew
Nobody in my hood come in hot blasting music
We weren’t together then and you let him lose it
Stupid ass bitch he didn’t chose it
I told him to invite you over while I went out
It was his bday, and at that point was just threw with shit no doubt
BUT… you abused it
And truth be like…
We got back together sooo
It was his idea to get the apartment
How was you at the police station fronting like YOU was it though?
Like I was the mistress nah I was legit
(Then I thought a bit like he wasn’t coming home hardly…. like maybe… if so - tag you it)
I called and left a message he was homeless and that was it
I ain’t with this shit not even a little bit
Lives been lost and cause no one told me we couldn’t do shit
No disrespect but how I get thru it?
Being blamed for everything like you personally was to do it?
Standing over your bed?
Bitch how you know though?
Nah I wasn’t but how you know when I didn’t even know though
And that’s when my one to start to grow, so…
It’s literally 20 years later
Just a decoy they set up on purpose
To play with us all like we they toy and just crack their curses
Some are left just snatching up purses
Me? I just vent via these verses
And Von I’m sorry but that’s your boy
And I want no parts, ties, or nothing!
Cause everytime they do it on purpose
But I’m happy now and usually know what my worth is
Do you know how disrespectful to me rebirth is?
Or like when I go to pray and who, who ever cut me off and go first is?
It’s a joke… I can’t sing and never thought much about what hating on another bitch bring
It was never my scene
And well now I know…
Time to go…
I respect not worship the God below
And as far as psych go? THATS where the feds need to intervene
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Though*
Deciding if I want to bake… or just go to bed…
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Von… I heard you tonight and can’t find to listen again but technically cause of your side we can’t even be friends… I like G and R too but K started too mucin shit believing his own lies and I want nothing to do with it or you all now - sorry but we still cool
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You better not have been out here talking about him though… I wouldn’t hit you but that’s my baby!
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The 20 deodorants and shit part…
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Does Alfredo go with spaghetti squash?
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I’m a try to sleep though…
spag and alfrado dope alfrado better by itself though but you cant beat the classics
Wanna be Free
https://youtu.be/j85UDykomWA?si=yb_SCgNEBAos2aCa
I was 13 the first time I went to mental
You made me cry missing the incidentals
24 when I first was diagnosed with schizophrenia
So don’t act like I wasn’t prepared to face the friend in ya
Fake, phony, superficial, and lying
It hurt so bad sometimes I would be driving in my car and just bust out crying
Everyone tell me don’t look back
But it’s an animal instinct that they must lack
All I know is I’m the only one that ever had my back besides my family
I learned it’s best to keep it real and all they do is act
Trying to get the best of me?
No one knowing the rest of me
What… I don’t have a right to justice
Tell me where you think the trust is
God… not you, get over yourself
And my cards too, just praying for some mental health
1991-92… I lost all my memories from October to August too
What about you?
A fucked up dr that I’m trying to sue
He treated the Newtown sociopath too
They should’ve just stopped when they saw the 30 point drop to my iq
Brainwashed me right, I remember the hypno that i try but can’t seem to undo
And I remember wondering why they kept testing me too
I’m not some trick you just play ball with
The game, the game… oh my god I hear so fucking much about playing games
Wasn’t me homie… and I don’t forgive you or them the same
What’s my angels mother fucking name?
I heard plenty say yellow
Bitch in me? Hell no
But he had me at hello
I guess I was just hoping
But I know what hope does…
Makes it harder and longer until you let go of what it was
Just having trouble coping
He so mad like I won’t stick up for myself
But he don’t know what it’s like when no one pick up the phone every time you need some help - and he did
Maybe he was paid to answer and pretend too
How would you feel if it wasn’t me and it was you
That’s weak to them I guess, weak to the older me I must confess
Weak to someone who wasn’t made to feel less
He left me again but it should’ve been me to leave
I wanted love… I just wanted to believe
I don’t feel stupid I don’t give a fuck anymore
3x to be honest I wasn’t scared of hell and wanted to die more
What the fuck am I here for?
Nah god - nobody understand me no more
I want to be free
I’d give anything to just be me
Finding out who I am now by knowing what I’m not
But it hurts and it’s painful but I’m tired of crying a lot
Maybe now that I feel I can heal
Then I look at my high school best friend
Everything to live for and cancer trying to bring that to an end
I do pray we trade places and bank on some green and white faces
So we can remember the fun before life tries to replace us
I want to exhale I want to be free
It’s so fucked up that I’m Catholic but even Allah found and protected me
I’m not sure if things were meant to be
But really Lord… I just want to be free
Thats why I’m so reckless cause it unfolded for everyone but me
And they still won’t let me see or get some type of clarity
X you said the Lord knows you best
I believe that but I know me too
I know I need comfort and to be honest they stole my dreams of family too
Something that’s too late and they can’t undo
What would you do if it was you?
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My mom said 2024 is going to be the year I get my strength back… shit popped off at 5:15pm and I held it together until 7pm but yeah I had to leave school again
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If I make it… I’m a put angels that glow on the highway to remember them too
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I’ll never defend a kid killer but it always made me want to throw up wondering if he was even there
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Feds if you doing anything… regulate and get on psych for real
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Cause I didn’t deserve this either
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All I wanted was babies since 5th grade… they took my life too
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They refuse to talk to each other and purge our files every 7 years like an expense report… it’s too late for me to get better but maybe if you make them follow the laws the next one can
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I lost my job… got confused on a call
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Yo the bitch Valente was a therapist not even a dr and I had them on dna but she called the er CALLED the er and they just put me in psych
Now I know why I was hyperventilating to the cop when I told him since I was a kid… and nah it wasn’t him - but it was someone
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Thank you and hysterical - tongues don’t have to be so horrible but nah I can’t shut up
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Involved in a killing? NO but his eyes flashed gold the day before and I heard him when he got hit like he was right behind me but he was far behind… I never missed a save again though. Just took years to come to terms with in the picture I drew that I had horns too
Fuck what you heard I have one 425k hits… something got to work out for me in life
Nah… just like A… a couple days apart and I’m over it - must’ve been another spell
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I still don’t know why that bitch hop up on all my shit though
I want to throw up right now… I don’t think I’ve ever been so dead
Yay!!! He came back… have so much to blog re mental be back later cause they off the hook
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Ok… so I was in for Neuro psych testing. They never sent my text reminder and at 9:04am they called to see if I was making my appt when I was already checked in and in the lobby type weird. They had to observers which is the funny part… any way they do that usual sleep shit that make me confused as all hell that’s my only sign I get when they do… but they saw I was getting confused to the point of literal retardation didn’t care just kept on going until my bf text and came to make sure if I was ok… I left and rescheduled the rest of the appt. If they were going to continue that for 4 hours… I might’ve been brain dead - and I am SO serious. So with all the fucked up things about mental I really hope they were feds to witness but I doubt it. They off the hook… I feel better today but yesterday was so bad and is why I hate going to mental too!
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Brainwashed already caused atrophy in my memory part of the brain and they still just don’t care. My father knew my phone was going to be back when I was being tortured in “solitary” in NC… and it clicked his sister is a psych so I finally found out how I had a baby and didn’t know, got assaulted and didn’t know it, and got shot and didn’t know it too… I want to sue for my civil rites back but my bf said don’t bank on that or get upset if a lawyer doesn’t help me. But due to the assault and other evidence I reported rape 3-4 times…. Once with a cut they pointed out to me on a VV… and they NEVER called the police or investigated, they just threw me in mental… I had them on DNA twice and the only way they would know how to do that to me is mental… they dead wrong and need to be federally regulated and made to keep all files like real drs. Regardless if I was right or not THEY STILL HAVE TO INVESTIGATE LIKE I WAS EVERY OTHER PERSON… I had them on dna twice and they didn’t even fucking care!
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If you want to ask a question… ask me awake and to my face for real… how did that happen to even begin with. And now I know why my father took it to his grave. He was protecting his sister!
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It wasn’t my step dad either but I bet they planted that bug too
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I know it wasn’t him because they hit me in CT NY NJ and NC
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So if the feds still on the site…. IT PSYCH THATS OFF THE HOOK
Yo it’s that serious… and if they do kill me… make sure they NEVER get my body for science too!
Their motive… now leave us alone pls
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wtf they even care for anyway?!?)?
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Guys they truly are out for some of your blood too! I just want to clap back on psych and oppression and shit.
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I know it’s a federal case… I was fine at $54k a year… I hope they at least have malpractice but now I want a lot more. Negligent homocide for my dads yeah no common sense sometimes. Its why he drank himself for sure I feel
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Drank himself to death*
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And then they try to blame Tupac?
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The paper on my dads hospital wall
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I refuse to go to court or any near them… put it in writing if they want to face the accusser
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Yeah and I’m pretty sure that one really was there the night I went to court but don’t remember only getting woke up in the cop car
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After
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It’s a good thing sane people saw it then!!!!
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I’m really not doing well today and need a nap!
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Victimss have rites… I’ll block my account cause now - I want to recover
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I never in my life wanted fame*
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When I know I’ve been heard and they get investigated and regulated
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Or the tv in jail maybe if I have to be there…. Not going to jail but vidcon type if I’m safe cause I opened my own doors for them somehow
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Jails and psychs? To make people better not worse… t
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Psych off the hook JB st Mary’s too
Yo pac I just have this feeling that they might finally be clapping down on psych though
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Not all drs are bad and I’m the first to admit that too
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My file for dissability is literally at least a foot tall… but when I went to read it… everything was a lie and nothing was even accurate. Hey lie like crazy too though
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The first page said someone killed themselves in front of me… nah I was at a party that got lit the fuck up and the kid standing behind me got shot because my boy next to me pulled me down to the ground by my hair.
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And I’m not the only one from here that got heart either… I really do feel I was mentored well in life mostly
To be honest… I’m really surprised that after the children being murdered in Newtown CT that psych didn’t get regulated them… I’m the first to admit that crazy people are a public threat to society
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CAN be a public threat to society*
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I almost threw up when I found out he was my drs patient too
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Now I know why my first instinct was to wonder if he was even there or was he blacked out… and then you get scared all the things they did and do when you are blacked out. I’m not finishing my Neuro psych testing without my mom AND bf being there
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In the room with me there
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They saw it makes me retarded when they do that and they just wouldn’t stop
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And yes… now I know why when I woke up in psych the time my bf and mother lied why I couldn’t figure out how to dial the phone
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I have brain damage to my memory confirmed with MRI and lo and behold I was brainwashed which effects what? Memory? But they want to lie and paint me as some drug addict and that’s what did… yeah right… I NEVER did worse than sniff coke
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I haven’t had a dirty tox screen since 2017 and the report of when they said I had marks all over my body and not bruises… I just want and need a good, moral, regulated dr… and I do miss Dr Stancov… as soon as I get a major break thru she gets promotion :(
I’m in a rock and a hard place cause Neuro psych is out of my psychs office… maybe she should be there too
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Or maybe just start from scratch again…
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The night he didn’t come home… and the pic I had and didn’t know what happened that night but remember getting dressed… but to be honest before they even put me in psych I was wondering why 2 packs of cigs were on the table open
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They lied and said I wrote a suicide note and the cop refused to listen to me and wouldn’t make them prove it
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That’s the time when I woke up and couldn’t figure out how to dial my phone
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My bf didn’t make me sick… I know cause the girl at my school got grazed by a bullet a few months prior and had the EXACT same scar I did
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I glitched when she showed me
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I mean I’m not some machine I am a person and they never even asked me to do this or sign up for the shit other
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Either*
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I curved… I’m not pursuing charges against my ex and on the strength of I know it’s resolved now
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I didn’t die I mean*
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The funniest part is I’ve never been so regular with my period in my entire life as I am now LOL
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Cause I know where he comes from and it’s not that I’m scared but honestly I do respect it
When I woke up in the morning BEFORE my ex and his mom and the police ambushed me in the lobby I didn’t remember… I remember the bite to eat though
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Ps my bf laughed out loud when “realest killaz” came on… at the tennis part
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I love tennis cause I suck so bad that I’m running after and picking up balls the entire time so it’s more fun than jogging HOWEVER I have a killer serve!!!
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I haven’t played in years but got my racket from my dad’s house when he passed… yo my heart broke. I love my dad to death and he really was the only one that knew how to fix me
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https://youtu.be/LNjuYmfjlr0?si=6BQ9FTIiCCceAW2x
Love that song…
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I didn’t sell my soul but I tried to for kids… I’m not worried cause I ain’t ever get a kid… they have nothing they can offer me type
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That’s why I put up with woman beater cause deep down I also know that if I did get pregnant - he might’ve ended up in a ditch anyway
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Yes when I’m highly psrexed I visit CH in the grave yard to think and talk and try to get some guidance or advice
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Perplexed*
WHY
He wonders why I act like a boy
He thinks it’s cause of me that people treated me like some toy
He thinks I let them
Who or how like I only know 2 ends
The closest ones to me… my old friends
To let them is against my entire being
Believe half of what they say and not always what you seeing
Cold… nah… not that, I just couldn’t feel
J said you need all 3 - love lust and trust
I just need to know if it’s real
I’m not pathetic I never read shit
And I ain’t your hoe cause even she know if she fuck around she gonna go low
All I knew of the game was the direction
And said that’s it…
I mean shit…
Went for chords not affection
But now I don’t know where I went
I’m praying for a vampire or panther
Cause my real high school bestie now has cancer
And I’m just asking that you give us a chance sir
Cause I never said shit
Until free will and body was stolen then act like it was cause I didn’t quit
But I can prove it
And not even him trying to say shit
Ok… yes well a little bit
More than anyone else legit
I’d rather die then let them for sure
There’s 2 sides that sleep me
And i still don’t know which is which or who were
One make me real sick and one I don’t even notice
Then shit got too thick but tell me… what’s their bonus
Why? They do it for free
Or do they do it for money?
Because nah for facts I still don’t know this
How does anyone expect me to be less?
WHY?
Yes, I swear and I tried to prove it
But if I ain’t in the game I’m not protected and they block and refuse to move shit
I told him… yo why isn’t just cause they held me down (for you)
I was never trick and usually always had a steady man too
Why its not real does he refuse to tell me what’s true
All im trying to say if you were me?
Just imagine if it was you
And what would you do!
I pray for the best then they all try to prove me wrong
Idk but I care cause every where I go I don’t belong
But I know I’m strong
I swear to god I never knew and didn’t remember
Don’t ask me cause I was never there
But yup… I never had the chance to feel the rain that November
And then they try to tell me that I shouldn’t even care
To let it go
Like hell fucking no
What would you do and I swear I was never fucking aware
I’m hurt because every last one did it too
I’m the ONLY ONE that doesn’t know what’s true
And I don’t know what to do… even if I did they won’t let me 2
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She gonna get lit*
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Cause she showed everybody who would even listen and probably did it on purpose
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Not as weak as you thought I was… huh bitch?
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They don’t get the truth… they get whatever they fed me
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Probably shouldn’t have gone cause I was already sick but as soon as they were helping us when they let did it again.
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I hate that in front of people
I was chilling in the crib one day
When 5 birds came and chased me away
I guess in a way, you can say
A lil birdy told me
That he was about to scold me
What I do? I was just keeping it real
Is it cause I realized in utter famine and thirst one will steal?
My neighbor couldn’t even give me a free glass of water
And of all that brought to me this new world order
A world that opened up and turned on me
Fuck what they in to, I wasn’t even trying to see
Ran out the door and was knocked down the stairs
Trying to keep cool on the block ignoring their stares
Then hell opened up and it turned into an inferno
Felt the heat penetrate my skin
To the point of desinigration
Turned the corner saw kids playing in the yard
So I gave up and said fuck it for them I am scarred
No sense of watching an innocent suffer, not given a chance
So look this white girl in the face and tell me it’s my last dance
Felt the smack, from my own father, an attack
And now, I am not even trying to make up for where I lack
Instead I turned around and said ok
If this is the way you wanna play
Instinct took over, I hardly had to think
I stared hard at the bitch recording me as I sipped my drink
Number one… thall shall not murder? … Ok
You really wanna play?
Off to the mall and around the block
I chose my weapon – hardly a glock
Drove to the scene
Yet somehow my heart still found a way to intervene
Eye to eye I fear no man
But what was said was so real, I began to understand
Looking back, all my memories flashed before me
Like that time dude slipped me a micky
It didn’t click until coming out of surgery that day
That when I woke I didn’t realized I was touched as I lay
Once a victim, the pattern is constant, I can name 3
3 motherfucking times I begged a motherfucker not to penetrate me
Trying hard to convince my body not to lock, it just makes it hurt more
So off to that other world my mind started to soar
I continued to look back on my life, my footprints in the sand
When I see my own I was carried? Now that shit I can’t fucking stand
Friends that I’d give my life for turned their backs and closed their doors
Laughing at the demons who picked me back up yet forgetting all yours
Shit got ill penning in my notebook
Codes that were written left me visibly shook
Abandoned by almost every one
I lived for nothing and then I was done
I was propositioned, I saw it my only way out
At this point I was a suicidal bitch without a doubt
Eventually, I learned how to deal with the real
My heart beats heavy some nights, just to remind me I still feel
I don’t know why I forgave my father yet again
But just when I was out, I heard the slaves cry --- so I jumped back in
Leave those who saved me?
Never, then what example or lesson would I be?
Now you wanna trick me?
Give orders out just to be a dick B?
My own brethren turn around and beat me?
All because this bitch wanna defeat me?
I tried to tell myself the humilitation of it all made me a better person
But feeling so fake and so weak, and still to get fucked over, that’s when it hurts then
But don’t they know… the reaper my best friend
I cloak up and ride just to make the offer with him
I ain’t afraid to lose my head to the sword
He even send me reminders, felt the roll, and what redemption my reward?
So I studied, stayed real, and conversated with ghosts and the best of them
Traced like over 1000 confessions, them begging me to justify them
I see it --- I see almost every angle
You no longer have me nor have that carrot to dangle
Pac said a flower grows in the concrete and showed me a pic
I even heard one grow in a dark room in a lyric by Kendrick
We never run in the city we come from
But I refuse to let these weak ass motherfuckers make me look dumb
Do you know my drills?
You think I let go just for the thrills?
I let go to remind them, any day, any time
And that isn’t just over my God given talent to rhyme
You can’t judge me for looking back to the times when I was most happy
Why would I betray the brotherhood that spawned me?
I want my position back
I think I’ve earned where I lack
Don’t get me wrong… I don’t have an ounce of hate in my heart
But don’t you dare question when, where, how, or why I called this war to start
And to my one, my burner in the bushes… I don’t know who what or where you are
But you’re MY God, and when I hit this shit out of the park for you I pray it go far.
I don’t know what they did or said that my baby daddy stopped protecting me but I also feel like it’s being resolved
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Nah the 3 pops I felt? I thought were my kids being thrown down by heaven but now I’m pretty sure the people who hired them killed them too
Why would I go to the people that are fucking with my head and using my phone to do it too
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I don’t want to be with anybody
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Now it feels like my bf turned on me too
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I don’t feel good already I’m just gonna rest
Idk who but they get to everyone who tries to help me or be my friend
I hate who ever keeps trying to marry me and can’t wait to speak to my bd too… brb
I think I can kill with my bare hands right now… my bank card missing and someone put $10 in my bra and my bf won’t tell me who touched and looked at me and did that
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I lost my arm card and couldn’t take a shot to calm down either…
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Which freak shot think I’m there shooter? I’m gonna watch anger management tonight
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And listen to pac… it’s the worst when I can’t even trust him OR my baby daddy and they’re doing it on purpose!!!!
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I told him be careful they fucking with free will and he STILL don’t care… yo he was an angel like PLEASE no matter what don’t let them do that to him
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https://youtu.be/wuw6Xu9ZARU?si=9v4EVMEj3JUgB3Rg
My baby daddy know money don’t phase me and that’s why he WAS mad
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In mental I had that nightmare and my dad dead too… I’m trying to save my baby daddy too
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They after yoU too
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Nah bh id get confused if we tried to go to the city
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Nah I’m so mad if it clicked then we might’ve had a chance… my uncle T had a studio
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And already told me anytime
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All my nips are missing and one in my pocket… I’m not gonna lie or disrespect E but yes I am and yes I’m a woman
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My bf can’t deal with that and won’t even TRY it to understand why I got so cold
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Baby daddy… I have none left… can you be my common sense and make them stop tapping and touching me?
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I was fine until my phone started to fuck with me and realized it wasn’t just you it was them
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I was losing time again
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Yo I was 13 when this psych became obsessed with me… how gross would you feel?
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You think I’m gonna go to the old twisted play opera and confuse at ibm type man you crazier then me
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Maybe I was so cold and not in love asshole cause you was in jail… who being selfish
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I’m good fuck you too I’m just gonna write
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Back to Fred and my brother
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They refuse to let me up or out until I give them the answer they want
… WHO can’t understand that why I rather die then to have people looking at and touching me without me even knowing or being able to defend myself
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Anybody that raped me after myrtle beach die… god promised and said so
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Talking about he TI… bitch I was too! It just didn’t click that the daughter was mine
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https://youtu.be/zrpZ9opIpm8?si=pzRwfQ2-jVITrMSZ
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And that’s why I glitched on the song.,, just like how I got sick when they were talking about Juno at work
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My baby daddy prolly became so high when he didn’t even know they brainwashed me and I didn’t remember for real
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You fuckd with his head too
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And I did wrong… he never was that into me but that’s not what it was about
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Yeah I’m a girl… and they took away my strap that my brother left me cause I almost shoved it down this biitches throat… like don’t let them do me like that for real
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Just I lost my entire family don’t let them feed me anger
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They prolly put me with him for the who am I and that’s not fair either
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God over everything… family over everything how I feel
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Aaron died of od
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And in my heart I felt they slipped him something
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When she was all over his mother trying to hug her and shit
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I don’t want to be in psych no more… can I be on probatio. Instead?
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Jk but
I don’t know if I can get better baby daddy… is there anybody that been thru torture before?
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https://youtu.be/apK2jCrfnsk?si=YbME68WdsxLD14_8
I’m a sprit jumper nor a people jumper
I’m swaying trying my hardest to stay out of mental coming to terms with brain damage just promise me they will never get my body or brain for science and I’m good
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It’s one thing for my parents to trust you at 18 but I’m 45 now and they going to know the truth either way
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When I was 13
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https://youtu.be/iT6vqeL-ysI?si=fG8NLnJVHqwUXl7i
To be honest it made me smile and laugh… can’t wait until it’s you auntie
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I’m so tired… why am I going thru this again?
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The more I trust him the worse it get
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Sick as fuck right now…
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Tired of my worst nightmares but what else is new
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I’m tired of making excuses for people for it to be ok and I’m even more sorry for being crazy now when I didn’t even have to
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Like I really didn’t mean to put it out there and I really can’t stand feeling like this or in their
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I just want to get better and feel peace and comfort in my own body again
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I’m not a wolf I never wil be that’s why it’s impossible to make me submit
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But you did manage to ruin my entire life
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I rather get drunk and just type but I have a quit date in mind and so fucking tired of this right now
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I’m not adapting I never will and I just can’t do this Lord… they beat me down and tied me
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Why cause you mad at my daddy for something?
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Lord I promise you.. they got what they fed me too and what I thought and not what really happened
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Court i promise you
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Every song I want to hear. The liquor I want to drink miracously not there… I hate you bitch freak idc how much of the delusional world you painting me when my mom has to pay my bills but you pay for all that instead
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The difference between me and my father is I’m not afraid to die but scared cause they’re starting to torture me again
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If he could do that to me… he really not mine huh?
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I love and trust ma cause his mom sway like me and I could actually sleep in house and like he felt like home just not mine…
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That’s why I texted him
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Mostly I’m talking to pac and my baby dad
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I’m scared
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Asshole took the liquor and left me feeling icky and like this in my own body but he did drive me to the store… which did this to me and why?
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Be traded too and I’m just waiting on someone to tell me and split the money while busing them black mailers too
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Because I don’t want to get caught up in the pretense and need to known what’s real
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I’m brain damaged now and hasn’t had common sense in a minute
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The most from tv is bothering me so what am I supposed to do sit here and sway and think
This god damn bitch so arrogant and she refuse to leave me or my body alone and no one not even god OR justice will make her
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I refuse to live my life hallucinating it’s not my god or family make K leave me alone… I don’t want to share my body with them and their religion
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Never took one and don’t want to
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The noise from the tv* so get them out of my body and away from I despise them
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Want to play changes by pac to fix my mood and it’s not in my library
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Why are they allowed to fuck with my head?
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https://youtu.be/xg3J5slvB-k?si=hI2knXWbqao2Nhiu
They refuse to stop fucking with me and my head and I’m fighting to the death to be my real me in my real religion and be able to talk to my real baby dad for once
They have no rite to make me there case study for all to see and still torture me
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Was I the one that one to listen to “free” by freeway or cause some psych trying to get the violent side of me out
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Why do I want to listen to free* for LEAVE MY BODY THE FUCK ALONE - you’re not my god
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Why do I want to listen to free* for LEAVE MY BODY THE FUCK ALONE - you’re not my god
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I love the song free but I know they sparking my temper and one side back
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Show them pics of us and ask your crew which one was the one you tackled shackled ans dropped all night
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It just feels like they’re in our world and have no rite to dictate or change it. And it makes me that they can do all that and keep me sick and down and pay for all that but not give me and my mom money
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They didn’t just abuse me… they tortured me and refused to stop and now it’s happening all over again
It was a Spanish lady recording the first time
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Just telling my bd cause I feel like he finally here
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What I wrote back to in I’m the man
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I thought it would be different cause he’s finally here now but no just a stupid dumb all bitch over again
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Pay them? Pay me!
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If I have to be miserable to write I don’t want to either
Twisted freak opera loving mother fucker I WILL KILL YOU! How much time do I get if I do?
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What you was listing for me since 5th… I hope you get the needle for torture for real
I’m playing now and you fucked bitch
Keep it Real
https://youtu.be/m0RhbCDq5Rg?si=v3xDOjPU7knXVxMJ
I get it… they all say they have kids before they do it
Bitchhhhh then come run thru it
Nah that ain’t me, it’s why I loaded the gun
Why I don’t judge because I don’t want to become
Why I never have to run
I pray everyday
And I fight for what’s right
The young, innocent, and naive
If you see so many in lights (the word in movie banner lights)
I didn’t do no sick shit but wanted to hear what they had to say
And like they think it gave them right to torture me so that’s what’s up and why I’ll now play
Any mother fucking any fucking day
And I can’t forgive that shit either
Nah I can’t believe that you even believed her
I’m done, I’ll never date again
And I’ll never take you back as a friend
This shit gonna END!!!
They have no rite to keep me
I stood for what was coming to be free Got my ass beat daily
Bye!!! Get your spirits out my body
Cause this shit ain’t even fucking funny
And nah I don’t even have fucking money
So like… what really you do it for
Every last one traded me for some type of lying ass whore
Don’t come back knocking
It was the wrong bitch you were clocking
And they prolly not stopping
So… just so you know
You sided with them and the illusions they show
So who the traitor
And who care what who know
I have no secrets except what they doing and did to me below
So… go ahead and debate her
Cause I ain’t ever been a hater
But fuck every last one of them
If it was me I wouldve asked point blank right there and then
Judge me NOW
Cause I’m trying to figure out how
And nah they were doing it to ME
So who accused WHO… Reeper lets see
Cause I just want to be free
It really wasn’t me
Why the little girl is handing him flowers?
Cause I was 16 the first time I saw him
And he come to say hi at all different hours
And he skipped me again and again
Looks like again he my only best friend
And like… I never did shit in sin
And didn’t sell my soul to win
I put the word In lights but I was playing with fire
It was for Ruby not Desire
2 bitches up for hire
Prolly my baby dad setting you up
But cool that’s what’s up
And I hate to sound so mean
But you didn’t even give a fuck cause you KNOW what you seen
And STILL wouldn’t help or intervene
2 more days im back in AA clean
This is the worst the curse hurts
But maybe they can prove it in green
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They were doing it prior… chilly gave bj this look and I knew something was up so when they came calling and I lost my god I wanted to hear what they had to say
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That was prior but the ghost being too young is why I didn’t do that… so like I know someone know and recognize me
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I get and have no secrets so really why was anyone accused
And you took the side of the man who did 3x
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Confused*
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I was trying to get you off and put him on but now I guess you proved me wrong
FUCK YOU TOO
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He stole my money to get a hotel with her… ain’t no coming back from that - keep it too
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Fat boy taught him how and I still blame him
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How is anybody confused?
I feel like my aunt now the psch that’s not allowed by law to work on family members
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Why.i only want a drink and squirm on Sunday after they closed?
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It doesn’t have to be or be hard to quit like that so why is it?
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He really played me like I had to break up with him when he still lying and pretending to love me… but now he acting like I’m sweating him. I just wanted to know what went wrong
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He didn’t have to do that… he should’ve just broke up with me
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Now it’s to a point beyond return and it hurts cause I knew he was family
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I am trying to send a link and my phone won’t let me
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Why do they refuse to stop fucking with my head though
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I loathe control freaks…
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LoL!!!!!!
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https://youtube.com/shorts/mshZT4mBL...xz6uQs12jMwFhU
They’re irritating me on purpose and can’t comprehend no… that’s not me and he need to just FINALLY not Allah the prick that wants me mentallly sick
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I believe in both and even my gma made lamb that Easter but… nah I’ll stay single - why rap game worse?
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I don’t like Kevin at allllllllll he wants me sick ands confused!!!
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I’m not living that life for no one especially if I don’t have to
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Even my brother started eating meat again LMFAO Nico HELLLLL NO NOT HIM
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It’s disrespectful to demand my body or that I share it with you when I saw no
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I think I know why she won’t go
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I’m not that stupid or pathetic either if I called Ma for help
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Hats what I’m trying to tell you - it’s not us
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I did love him but then felt the spell or what ever happened… and yeah I got distant and it was uncomfortable again and I get like that when I DONT love you either anymore
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Who did that to us and why?
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I don’t believe in or respect or respond to abuse though - so who keep trying?
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Idky why… guess I’m used to respect instead of love… but not a sob story - I’m ok
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She belong to the game not me though
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The more I pulled the love card… the worse it got
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Or the more I trusted him
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I feel like I’m being kicked out… LoL but that’s fine I realize but you ain’t kicking me to the wrong person again
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I don’t even have $4 uncle short… and nah it’s all good I’m not really happy with arranged I want and wanted real
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But now I just want to still feel
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Maybe I realized what was real
But changing fate isn’t part of my deal
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It’s not that you would steal
It’s you will steel
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And spend it on the next bitch
Man, that’s worse than being a snitch
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I’m not taking the one with ditch
The concert, 3 some, or death finally being my wish
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Hurt…
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I want to be alone again
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I’ve been living my worst nightmare too long
https://biblia.com/bible/esv/revelation/2/2
I thought it was god himself… but nope…. Just some evil twisted bitches.
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I don’t like them in my body and they don’t stop or get out - not the same tastes
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Involved with a killing? That’s the only way how I could be… saw the weird shit and talked to them and I think someone might’ve died… but I only played with fire once and when the person died it was WAY years later but I did come up here to visit that weekend but wasn’t involved - they set it up to look like me
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Do you know how many times they tried to kill me too?
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My bf did say helll no he not going to bring me to who I thought was my best friends house so I think he even thought I did it too… idk ask them bitches
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I went to send back the sick shit cause I didn’t know how to make them stop or get off me and then I seen fender benders everywhere but someone came in my house and stole the wax. I know nothing of this shit other then I don’t even want to be involved and my niece has epilepsy now as result of accident and like God that’s fucked up I rather it have been me. WHO is doing this for real?
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Because he loved me and they turned him on me too… I just want to be free!!!
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They came in with the same shit but it’s beyond repair now
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I refuse to date again cause I don’t know who the sick freak is that keep doing it
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I do know the one who keep asking me and if it’s him not taking no for an answer I am going ballistic
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Or one of the psych creepers that watched me grow up from a child
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How would you feel if people kept demanding to chose your life for you (oh I’m sorry them) too!
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TAF
We see what’s up… it can’t be worse then it is and him not loving me anymore
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Maybe he saw how people use and do that to keep me away from people who try to help them
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Who try to help me*
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My phone won’t pull up “when you’re so young… she don’t love none of you guys she will make you look so lame that you want a disguise… tell uncle short where you got your game from” to listen to and post
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I keep losing my cigs and getting pissed
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Get them off my body too!
https://youtu.be/DXH63t0qVjg?si=a2n4NEjX7M1miycI
Almost made me cry… love that song
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I’m going sober… and if I can’t do it with NA I’m going to rehab… I really love him pac does he really love ms though?