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the internals were there, but by multis i mean heres an example....
'to bring back the old school & breath back the visions, in fact
to a time before mainstream went wack, my main scheme intact'
no multi.
a multi would be.... visions, in fact, my main scheme isn't intact, figit with rap, digits for tracks
ect. thats what i meant, now peep my peice.
Good piece Bounce. Can't give you much feedback. a little wordy for my tastes. but well written. I especially liked the way you pulled off the transition from one line to the next....by that I mean, you managed to continue sentences & thoughts from one line to the next without making it seem awkward. Many writers attempt to continue lines like that, and it just doesn't work.
Sick. The flow from "to sleeve the beast dropped" to the end was crazy. I don`t read like I`m readin`. I spit it in my head lol. Shit was nuts. Felt the whole meanin` behind the piece. Really portrayed the feelin`s that a true hip hop head would feel about today. Know what I mean. Keep doin` you.Quote:
So I object in rhyme
& inject sublime thoughts molded to correct 4 crimes, in respect
to minds lost, & connect with fine imagery, designed to project
off words tossed, I elect to spine symmetry, enshrined in hip-hop
entwined by dope knots and tied to the fabric I weave, to sleeve
the beast dropped, conceived in ink blots, achieved thru chief 'd
crops, released on creased pages of text
Thank you nah, I can't wait to record this verse, I have it all worked out now..
word play was on point bounce.. liked this one as well.imagery and flow were very consistant.. the topic was good and how you stuck the script.. i see what you mean by realating my verses. one of my favorite lines where ...
killer lines housed on internal rhymes, and extract an image so defined
inclined to fracture your frame of thought & shake the foundation
in which you were taught, with an onslaught of original 'props'
I'm talking, fresh sneakers & backpacks w/ the pen that I brought
not talking a pendant or watch! so mutha fuck a bling on my watch
I string a meaning in taunts to flaunt the artistry streaming in fonts
that leave a crowd screaming in want, an energy beaming in jaunts
like vibrant trips, where you long to kiss souls w/ Aunt Jemima lips
where syrups flow from twisted trees, & the bliss that be
it was a good peice the whole way through but those were what stood out to me.. not much crtisism for you just keep it up. like reading work that is helpful as an artist and writer.. thanks for the comments and advice on mine.
This was the only kinda working metaphore, theres alot of symbolism in what you write that conveys alot of meaning, and it connects in sound.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bounce
But your missing concrete metaphores.
sure you can make me know what your saying, sure you can rhyme it. Make me understand a connection beyond imagery and assuming what emotion your suggesting. Force it down what an image means.
example: "I am not complacent with the way brain-food is taken through the grape-vine."
I know every one around here is all on your dick, but chew it over for awhile, an image is nothing without a total reconstruction of it.