God Why?

little to poetic for me but good flow and stayed on point pretty much the whole way good piece holla at ya boy

Wtf? Shit feed. Thats an OM. Not a "Show off thread" or "Im Soo Ganster thread".
Idiot.

this was fukin dope nice topic u stayed on it althru

desect topic liked the flow like the way you used simple rymeage rymed every line witch is good thats the way i try to do it :) vary good piece ummm could have worked on ..vocab evan thoe i liked the simple rymeree ( <-- lol) could have picked up tha vocab silightly

yo dawg this was a great peice. you had imagery an flow down path. not too much vocab but you did ya thang. i liked how you made like a story an it kept the reader readin it an guessin. you need to make a part two to this it would make this one better an peeps would appriciate it better knowin what else was goin on in his head.

Uppin...

i really liked this piece....it had good structure and the flow was pretty good....this wasnt long and it wasnt short it was a pretty good amount....your vocab was pretty good and u had like a couple mess spelled words....other than that i liked the topic and your verse bcuz i think about most of these things alot and im sure others do the same

this is a couple bars i like but i really like the whole first part

We pray every night.........not knowing if we're ever heard
Outragious vilonce, starving, and neglection always occur.
So really, have you ever thought what he's doing? I have..
I hope he listens this time, because he never replies back.

keep this up Jonny Boy this piece was good

Thank ya.
Bump.

yo man just like any other peice youv done this was great.
Keep it up homie.
8-10


~FA

Uppin.. This is the one of the last ones.

The Last Upp.

Well uh this was a ok emotional drop. I've seen better with the same Topic and approach, you need to step outside the box cause this was 'creativity' assed. You wrote in first person, which is known to have that 'emotional' effect in writing Topical. Your imaginary wasn't that detailed and portrait, I felt you could've brought more to the table. The complex of your verse wasn't good either. When you do a basic topic, people will be like "Yeah...I read it before, blah!", so they'll read your verse to actually see if you done the same concept, and you did, but the point is 'don't'. Don't you do a basic concept like this ever, once again think outside the box. Overall this was a cool lil emotional piece. Read more, write more, and elevate. Pz.

uummmmm this is kinda hard for me ta critisize bcuz its not at all bad its fairly good but thats bcuz I'm not on tha same type of shit u're on since I'm a fan of old school original rap I look at this and think so what but I did like its creativity and depth into tha topic juss not a reread for me keep at it

More than enough feedback now. Props.
CLOSED.