look death in the eyes

come on yall 2 hours and no feed yall stop sleepin on this hoe

Feed Rise ^^^^^ Uppin Come On

Dang can i get some feed damn

Rise

relax with all the upping, you got more replies than the dopest heads in here...

Not bad for a starting point, you have the idea down, now you just have to execute.
Your emotion lacked unlike people mentioned in here, it really needs attention. Imagery was lacking aswell, mostly due to very poor diction. Your wording was something I would expect from a first time OM, it was blan. You caould have developd this write into something good, but you kind of let the topic down. You had a good idea, just didn't deliver very well. I think with time and practice maybe even some education, you might do better in the long run. Right now you need to work on the core detials in a write, you have the basics down, but if you want to be dope you have to lock those down. Your rhyme scheme was horrible, it really hurt the peice. So far the only I think was solid was the concept, but that alone fizzles out if the content is lacking. Better use of language will help...

ok bounce thats the kind of feed i need constructive criticism...Tks i chill with the uppin...tks

iight yall can close this if yall want to know bounce said i got alot of feed and i now know what i need to do...Yep Yep...