Originally Posted by FanTa ZeE
10/10 for real?
no way man, don't take this the wrong way but i didnt like either verse particularly, it was lacking in origionality and emotion, you portrayed sex as something totally cliche, using lines that have been played more times than the final fantasy games. The second verse wasn't too bad, some of the lines were a little forced, i didnt like the way the stanza began, and the last two lines didn't rhyme which kinda threw me off. The first verse was totally lacking in any individuality whatsoever, some of the lines were daft, it sounded like it came from the mind of a horny 13 year old male virgin to tell the truth...not hating, just my opinion, you could really benefit from extending your vocabulary and developing some of your own ideas..a topic like sex is so open, you can use some great metaphors and similes, and create a really beautiful or passionate picture of something that can be interpreted in many ways..build on what you have.
