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In the App Store @Killing Spree
one more bar and I'll b finished with my verse @Killing Spree dawg I see whatcha doing and its brilliant
sup guys
If someone is interested in teaming up pm me.
I did
anybody got any tips for better wording? I can rhyme, flow and think of good concepts and punches but the my problem has always been wording. any help?
best tip I can give, look at the most recent LLL battles and pick out concepts you like and think about how YOU would have worded them or why they work so well to begin with. As everyone always says, everything has been said before.. your job is to assume that everything you wrote down has already been said, but not in the way you want to say it. I try to put a fresh spin on my bars.. some work out and people like it, some don't and people give me the "its okay" or "nahh, didnt work" responses.
Good punches/concepts takes a bit of research. By this I mean, do you want to go the cliche' route when forming a verse? Do you want to do personals, if so.. which would work best? Is it okay to make up a personal such as saying some one is ugly or fat even though you never seen them yourself..? Do you want to involve current events into your punch? If so, where would you look and what would be relevant? Wordplay/nameflips.. assume most simpler ones have been done before so go for the more difficult ones to tie in. In my recent battle vs Galactic, nameplays on him have been beaten to death as they have on me, so in order for me to get ANY points for a name flip, they had to be creative, never seen before, or worded nearly perfectly.
Read my verse from this week vs him and look at the replies I got, who liked what bars the most and why.. do you agree or dissagree with them? Think about why they liked some name flips and didnt like some of the others, same with his verse. Best way to learn is to analyze.
@Fresh can you remove my verse against KnowP ?
Yo!
@body bags . Nice verse homie
Anybody else feel like voting in the LLL semi? Feel free.. I need the feedback
I'll vote in LLL if you go vote in my VBL battle.
KS you dropping today?
Yes after work I'll write something up. I'm out at like 5
@Lenox
Good no rush mam
Man*
What y'all think of this so far?
Life is fiction and I'm stressed with knots in my chest,
Streets stricken with poverty, I have no options left,
I'd rather be in prison than get shot to death,
Cops with vests, it's obvious that societies a mess,
No amount of counseling session can stop my depression,
Lots of tension on my mind so only god we can question,
its a bit bland, nothing special as far as the rhyme scheme which can get boring to readers quick.. I wouldn't force multies in there either but I would add more details to reel people in and explain what it is you're talking about. you say, "Life is fiction".. this is a good way to start and it sounds nice but you don't explain why, there is no back story as to what you mean. My opinion on a topical will vary from someone elses because I respect pieces that pay attention to fine details more then who uses the biggest words or the most multies.
Jesus Christ.. Thanks*.
(Topic: the way society and the government changes people).
Life is fiction and I'm stressed with knots in my chest,
Streets stricken with poverty, I have no options left,
I'd rather be in prison than get shot to death,
Cops with vests, it's obvious that societies a mess,
No amount of counseling session can stop my depression,
Lots of tension on my mind so only god we can question,
Mothers dying from fatal injuries, date rapes and misery,
Every day is fatal, I guess you could say it is killing me,
I wake up with danger on my mind as I fatally decline,
The cracks in the streets breaking my spine,
Latinos without their green cards getting neglected,
Spit on, ripped up, killed and disrespected,
Falling off cliffs in your dreams then hitting the edges,
All because of ways the government treats the people,
Innocent kids getting jumped, then they shoot up schools,
You wonder why the rest see us as evil, sadistic, and lethal,
Growing up to kill and sticking your skin with the needle,
Life is not fair, we look to find a better way to get peaceful
Why do you ask for feedback?
Wordz isn't normally the type to actually give honest meaningful feedback, especially when you posted an OM piece in FL chat... but he did. And then you post the "finished" piece with the exact same bars that he gave you advice on. So why would people give you feedback if you don't even take it into consideration? That's a slap in the face man.
I put more detail into my bars
You're basically saying my "piece" is a piece of shit, thanks.
you didn't do anything to the bars you already wrote that I fed on is what he means.. if you ask for feedback but put the same thing up then don't expect anymore. I already have my 2 omhof so I could care less if you write well or not at this point.
Well thanks lol
Lmao Wordz be going off.
nahh, this is the second time I gave dude feedback on his request and he ignored it completely and just did whatever he wanted. Im not mad tho, I got my accomps chillin looking blinged out.
I didn't care if you gave me feedback or not.. I understood the advice but I wanted to do it my way
Then what's the point of asking for feed back hoe ?