A Disciple's Thread

Me? Pac always got my part too… my high school bestie with stage 4 cancer had a biggie sticker on her car… I told her I’d be pac. We need to have fun again… her w cancer and me losing my mind even quicker than expected with the atrophy

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I’m a buy her walkie talkies for her bday… we used to steal her nephews when he was a baby and they went car to car… one day I’m like “I’m in hot pursuit ct plate alpha Lima dog 4225” and the van pulled over and was looking around scared as fuck and we felll out

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We had lots of good times… crashing the Fourth of July party to get better view of the fireworks or the time we was at the pay phone begging for gas money and she used the pay phone and hung up and mad quarters came spilling at

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Spilling out*

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I don’t how to write a book because I don’t read a lot at all… I’m a name it “remember me” for her nick name and legacy and me and how I look at pics going back to good times remembering how strong I was too…

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I’m not gonna get caught up in the evil shit and if you saw what evil paid then let them tell much how the right thing to do pay triple that… this bitch stole my identity and was using my social… she must think I’m some punk that sits here and just take it. P O L I C E … I’m trying to stand back up again and started to get my credit right so I can get a salon and beat my ass if you want too I’m not paying $5k for you

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Grimy sleezy bitch!!!

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If she was fucking my man too… smh

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You should’ve seen the disrespectful shit she did and said

Back Stabbed (draft)

Still coming to terms with what makes sense
The rub to the belly minus the calm down
I saw Mookie jumping to me a second and im cool under pressure but that memory was kinda intense
Then or now
I remembered this this or that… only I’m like how (in my DMX voice)
They left me with no choice
Bad vibes not sitting right but I’m not chasing alone or trying to school
But I’m also not trying to rule or be played a fool
SORRY… yeah I say it a lot
I’m not trying to be a bitch
Just don’t have time for a day in the life of a thot
“But I’m still not acting like I will… when I know not that I’m not”
Ed just said what he thinks keeps killing me dead
Looking too far back… try more forward instead
But nah I disagree
That’s twice now I’m reminded that I’m no longer free or me
Just rip the band aid off
My witch dr has a suture
Ill be aight I know how to fight
You not failing my future
Caught off guard
But I don’t remember giving myself to any of them
Like they some type of God
Yo it’s really hard
He hate that I stand like a man but I want to respect my man and I do understand the woman he is trying to grow
Give or take a so…
But I’m still moving extra slow
I just fell out crying
Told my mom I’m choosing writing cause he don’t give a fuck what it do to me when we fighting


Disclaimer:
The panty pics… I was sick and just was sick of them calling me fat and showing them I rather be me and look like me then skinny fat

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So they posted a pic of BARNEY and said imagine having sex with visions of Barney in your head and I’m just like bitch…..

Thank you… I’ve been in therapy since 5th grade! When I was 13 I actually had a therapist teach us to listen to songs and we’d all talk about how we relate. Then at my alt school we did the same thing. So yes… rapbattles has been AMAZING to the mental health support MAJOR

Had an amazing trip with my man… I prayed to get my money up and addiction down… (gavel slam) … check check

https://youtu.be/D72k8TnXQvU?si=4RLKk9xsml4t5uAy

I believe I have an attachment issue… and that call out to Earl made me smile, however, what he said to me last text like… came at me like a trick and it hurt but it hurts more that I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. He did grab a piece of my heart too just that I know where I’m trying to go… fuck it I’m done talking. Nobody understands my position or how I was being bullied and like

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Silent screams… my ear was buzzing earlier and like… sometimes it feels like you’re waking up and coming out of a coma…

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It feel like everybody hate you

I Lost

Stressed
Depressed
And what ever else the curse manifests
Good then played
Ain’t played then blessed
And all the rest
And what ever else he refuse to confess
Yo fuck him for real
I’m fine
All I got to do is sit back and press rewind
just over and over again in my mind
No love lost, never was, fuck it I never find
Fuck you I want to be happy
(Gavel slams)
All we are is one big lie anyways
It meant something to me
Strategy… is that why you say I’m playing games
The only games being played is by the one accusing the blame
Yo God… he’s not here yet!!!!!
Yeah baby.:: the literal fuel to my cocaine
I’m not quitting to be treated like I’m married to Sadam Hussein
The double sided standard flip shit
I’m not down with that submissive thing one bit
Another off of Andrew Jackson pls
Until this shit starts to makes sense
cause I seem to remember more facts then not
“And I’m trying to make a dollar off of 50 cents”
That’s the best who got shot
But Go’oood
And yo I’m bent…
I got some requests for all the shit I never got or sent
And believe me God cause im starting to care a lot
Half the shit I got figured out
And baby…
It’s circumstances like ours that make a thot
We owe them a lot
Admit it or not and like…
You played me and put me second
You still have a gf and you switched up from treating me like royalty to peasant
If it ever sent… if the truth was ever even bent
Man I was innocent
Yo… he’s being an insensitive prick
And he don’t even care when I feel mentally sick
And he really just called me some type of lick
So like… cool… I lost
But when it come to fucked up hands?
Don’t minimize the cost

@Zunto

Love Myself

You started a fight to leave last night
Turned your location off 3 seconds later
You did this 2 Fridays before and 1 after
But I’m not trying to fight or drown in the laughter of it serves you right
I just don’t want to fight…
Not you… me!
Cause I can’t walk where I don’t see
And abusing my already broken heart isn’t free
I’m cold as ice… I haven’t cried one tear
And don’t have left not one fear
(Again)
Still I’m wishing you were still here
But I have to be strong but won’t wait a year
That’s how long I waited for my bd to come back
You wanna talk about a good girl vs bad
Well that’s something you never had
Even so you said I taught you the art of tact
But you manipulated me and now me is something you’ll never get back
A season… thank you for picking me up and putting me back on my feet
I know you take the credit for that despite the demons that weren’t even mine I had to defeat
I do love myself and you right sometimes I can love other people more
Like some sick self sacrifice
But just cause I told you I want to date again too you call me some type of whore
Ignoring all prior advice
It’s been more then twice and it’s a pattern now
To love anyone again I wonder how
And maybe cause you have too many to choose from
But I’m not dumb…
I’m trying to find mine
The one who won’t put me on the front line
The one who wouldn’t put another woman over me
Even if it is just pussy
I got to go… I have to go figure out how to love me more
And I want to throw up right now cause I have to remember how to close that door
No more…
I just have to re learn how to love me more
I can’t believe you called me a whore

At this moment

https://youtu.be/O2ur063fMhs?si=9HraxRceA0MA4vCq

Everything was on the table when we first met
Now it’s like you trying to forget where we came from
You say mean things when we fight
And you don’t care to look at what I write
And you trade me in easy and quick
And then you act like some type of prick
And I’m not trying to be that type of bitch…
Now you complain cause I wear make up
Or too old for a nose ring or dress for attention or too loud
When all I wanted to do was look my best and make you proud

Why is it ok for you to care how you look
And when I had that epiphany it made me shook
I know for fact you’re not a weak man
And if you was me now and how I have to take a stand
I don’t want to be weak but when we fight you don’t even let me speak
We break up for 1-5 days almost every other week
And I’m so exhausted sometimes I can’t even speak
You see and hear the whisper I’m so exhausted and weak

And I know you weren’t the one to do it but if you loved me you couldn’t
Been around that block before and know that I wouldn’t… not just shouldn’t
I’m tired of feeling like my life on the line but I’m even more tired of fake
Just hoping that I can give you more then I take
Nah how about I do what you do
Just deep down inside you know it too

(Id NEVER hurt you)

But I want you happy
I wanted to be the one to do that
But seems like lately I always bring out the archie in you
And I don’t wanna spar or debate what Edith would do
But if I’m not allowed to be the real me i can’t
I’m not so sure I like the me you trying to change me to be
But I love you… so I know I wouldn’t be able to do that to you
So if you really loved me you wouldn’t be able to too

Get it?

Just read this one again… am I the only one that goes back and reads your own stuff all the time? Is that weird of me?

@kill _spree who’s Zunto?

But had a good laugh tonight… it was cool to laugh like that though again

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And we all got the “joke” you know

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Did get a little nervous… strange person in my neighborhood but they was walking from visitors but almost popped off at us it felt. For a second I was like hell no not again

Yeah I was really toe to toe with him dazed and saw him at the bottom once… I saw a meme that reminded me of that and nah I’m mad but I’m not gonna disrespect him or wish unhappiness… he kept it mostly real but I feel he could’ve been honest and protected me more

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I wanted it so bad… he was my peace and comfort and ok I can sleep tonight and not babysit

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And these possessions I’m weak to… they used to drive me home when I got lost and I don’t know when or why they started to go against me

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I believe in an after so that makes some of it ok

I believe in an after so that makes some of it ok… I was fine, happy, minding my own busiess why they had to lure and hurt me in myrtle beach… how they even know when I didn’t even remember

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My life not gonna be about some socio bitch

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�� why I started doing yay again? “Cause I just died on him (dead roses)

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I did stop I just don’t think he realized

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Or noticed a

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https://youtu.be/KAy-XP3pXro?si=Lo_qIEdgJN5Eow_k

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My nephew marines now… the one that was 5 when my mental illnsss took a turn for never being normal ever again

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Yo secrets are HORRIBLE

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Bet you it was in July… that’s when I got sick again

Bruised v3

Drowning in cocaine
Until I go completely insane
It’s not that I can’t take the pain
It’s I put it all on that white rain
God he’s not here yet…
No not him either
They told me they’d show me why
A’ight lick… yeah right
And baby idgaf about you either

No one covering me again
I assume cause the lies they just spend
You know the ones that just pretend…
All alone again…
I never was easy, so easy to break before
But this shit hit to the core and I’m str8?dead feel like I just hit the floor
She told me I was going to die a cold and lonely death
If only she didn’t realize it is to his last breath
However, I’m starting to believe her
I didn’t know or owe the bitch nothing
And like 3x only seen her
So what you want me clean or?
I’m sure her baby dad fine
The curse not on him either
It’s on me… a complete stranger I be
But she blame me

And when you give I’m so easy to take
But what we had was nothing just fake?
Everyone played me - I was walking dead
And you? You traded me in for a $2 trick instead
But nah I never thought of life or people or souls or anything about it a game
Fucking with strangers in the dark
And from that point I was never the same
Up against an invincible enemy
But that ain’t a part or me
What was it for? Love?
Lessons repeating
Days go by
Throwing up
Everyone blame coke
Nah I blame their joke
And put it on the pre nup
Word… that’s what’s up
(Smiff n Wesson)

“Standing on the bridge waiting but nobody there” (Avril leveign)
Year after year…
Oh I get it… cool but not fair

Just checked his location… he playing games
Rocking but knowing regardless I’m
taking names
Yeah how you gonna be free
Forgiveness is the bitch in me
And I’m sure I’m in trouble for that too no kids? Yo for real…. Everything you ever wanted in life you never got too!

Ninth circle… I’m blasphemy… but French he don’t understand a thot and how she come to be…
Yo frenc… He don’t understand me

There’s nobody here for me

I pulled he sheets off last night again

https://youtu.be/NtlVMNd4ibw?si=hyL6B4UXEXeHb9b_

I can’t respect anybody that would fuck with a mentally I
Ills person head for fun or entertainment

Everything I love
https://youtu.be/NtlVMNd4ibw?si=hyL6B4UXEXeHb9b_

Set…
I lost me when I lost you
But I found myself again too
I would’ve sould to get you right (shit I tried)
But there isn’t anything they can offer me now worth the fight
(Dead up they lied)
That’s why I never had babies?
Cause yo I could’ve sworn…
And oh that body style on that Mercedes…
They leasing now to own?
Me?
They drilling now to dusk not dawn
Just no more nightmares God please
Cause when I’m down I’m gone
And Allah… we are friends not enemies
So show mercy on me please
And I don’t wanna roll with bitches I can’t stand
Just like I wouldn’t step to nickels I know I can’t land
(It wasn’t me)

I’m tired Lord… I’m tired of babysitting I want to sleep tonight
I’m tired of being played feeling so low and alone… when it’s them that did wrong and it’s not right
Now they assume why I don’t wanna fight
CAUSE IDGAF just wasting time in this life
Now I know… nickel I might a would’ve been his wife
But I can’t fuck with paths chosen…
And he treating me trife
Cool… shell shocked still frozen
A thot is what it’s grown
And if I didn’t hit you up you never would’ve known
Fuck you I put it on my life
I’m stuck between the two, focus or un do
Only this time I’m grown

I didn’t brag
Not much of war stories
Just airing shit out so the dreams won’t be so gory
And I can speak in tongues too
Nickel you don’t have a clue
When you’re strapped to the wall
Dont ever forget who jumped in to save you
Yeah I saw him I saw it all
He said you fucked him over too
But I’ll still undo
And that’s what’s cruel
A good heart you play for a fool
But bitch I’m not just some tool
He traded me too?
Cool!!!
I don’t even wanna rule
Cuz to way and entity too soon
So that’s what’s up…
What you trying to tell me?
He a goon?
How he not know everything we built they just trying to ruin

(Let Ems verse play)
Nah… just coke

I look stupid… right? Thought it was love again but realized I’m never gonna get it right and don’t even care to… I’m not going to let him play me… he put me second to pussy

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I hope it’s the worst vv he ever had too

You’re a grown ass man bro

She's a female

End of message

Everything is moved to your thread.

Regarding that brown past though… I realize I never grew up but I never had any kids to keep me in check either

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Sad as fuck… he played me and traded me for an upgrade… you don’t have to make me feel and look so ugly to do that

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He don’t care how I feel… I can’t forget that

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Just alone… used to being alone and I hate it… I ran back… pushed my way thru and now I know… I don’t know how I feel now

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Now I know… I guess that’s all I can say

We care about you.
@Lenox wants your Instagram and @Fresh wants your number.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Soule

She's a female

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Word lol

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by A Disciple

Regarding that brown past though… I realize I never grew up but I never had any kids to keep me in check either

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Sad as fuck… he played me and traded me for an upgrade… you don’t have to make me feel and look so ugly to do that

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He don’t care how I feel… I can’t forget that

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Just alone… used to being alone and I hate it… I ran back… pushed my way thru and now I know… I don’t know how I feel now

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Now I know… I guess that’s all I can say

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His loss. You’re perfect baby

Atta boy

@Lenox @Soule thanks guys <3

Anytime

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A Disciple

@Lenox @Soule thanks guys <3

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:hugitout::hugitout:

https://youtu.be/cgTvT2CvUCc?si=svJVeJlltKP7WnbY

This clips reminds me of this site…

When are leagues getting back up? I just don’t like the diss ones… I’m not good at that

Good morning…

https://youtu.be/cgTvT2CvUCc?si=svJVeJlltKP7WnbY

TOURNEY SIGNUPS ARE OPEN FOR THE TOPICAL THING

https://youtu.be/cx9DZuPseNQ?si=UdEwSbHmosP_bM3u
@baron _mynd where do I go?

https://youtu.be/cx9DZuPseNQ?si=UdEwSbHmosP_bM3u

All I Want is You

I told him I wanna write and try to make us some money
Then he said and ruin it to plaster your face like he so dang fucking funny
That’s whats up? putting me in 2nd place?
If I go looking for answers I mean it
Let me know if it’s me he fitten to replace
All dates due
Check baby… check mate please come back
Please don’t eject right before that take back stack
Money teaching us to how to love when we all in
Ok… ok… marriage? I may be stalling
It’s not that im afraid of love
It’s just like he oj and always has a glove
But being his friend is making him evil
Really… It’s an emotional upheaval
Playa way and any way
Bang bang…
Come back baby… please… come back baby boomerang

https://youtu.be/LN0D2FT54A0?si=YExUwUbIfP1EPwzZ

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I was like 30-35 yrs old in my Saturn skye drop top at a light and Paul wall sittin sideways came on… I looked down and I was sitting sideways and I started crying and screamed I feel like the fakest bitch in the whole world… that’s why and when I moved back to the hood with my moms too

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Plus the bipolar turned depressive not manic and I wanted to be close to my mom dealing with that mentally and I was right… the manic I can handle but the depression? Nah that’s an entire different beast… for a suicide survivor too?!!?? One night a took a knife out pressed it to my wrist and just started crying and screaming to god I can’t make it. But I did…

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I don’t like suicide but I understand it… it doesn’t make you weak… quite the opposite but I was always like if someone trying to kill you, you gonna fight! Why you don’t wanna fight now?

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I aced a computer test by accident when I was 19 and got into IBM. I mean if that’s why they say wishers don’t earn it… I made sure I did… while working I went back to college and graduated with a 3.65gpa and an AAS

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Took me 6 years and I worked MY ASS off but I did it

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Now? Me and computers? Can’t stand them… they remind me that I’m sick and get confused now. That’s why I won’t fuck with them no more…

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They remind me I’m sick now…

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Writing though? If I can teach one person how to handle their mental illness… ok… but I want to help more than that too… I remember one of my ah hah moments in mental… we were in like open room with maybe 20 of us and I was screaming and crying for a pillow. Oh boy sitting across from me said maybe if you ask them nicely… so I calmed down and did and got one.

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It was a moment of surrender and a mandatory one if someone wanna survive being in and out of mental

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The more you fight them the worse they treat you… suck it up and kiss they’re ass cause really you have to

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https://youtu.be/urSD7wH8kMQ?si=tgLCRuHRobd5ZJl5

It sucks to be good at something bad… and I know they were trying to set me up for some years but at that moment I said fuck that cause I was good at something else too (being a secretary) worked my way to EA and internationally traveled for work too… I pray EVERYONE get that luck when they just so tried and wanna get out too! Tired of seeing my peoples in and out of jail. My town has a couple of Cinderella stories. One of my old boys a nurse now too… like… trust everyone is good at something good too!

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But “yeah mom… it’s clear it’s always gonna be the same… until the end of time”!

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My heart bleeds for the hood ��

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Yeah I relate to the song a lot… my ex bm had a baby by his bestie and etc and stuff… I still laugh like dang I wish I had a pic when I used to wear my bandanna like that. I shave the underneath of my head so when I wanted to wear it up I’d cover it… but some of the scary things too - like just forgetting shit.

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And when I realized Tupac was more real then not… I saw his ghost got scared and ran out a hotel room that got busted a few hours later, or in myrtle beach when he was screaming at me to wake up…. His post on my friends page that was trying to get me to find her pills and I wouldn’t and she died anyway… the Newport’s at the beach thinking my thoughts with my old friends. Just SO MUCH - I don’t realize why he still alive to me either

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Yeah “my hard stares scaring my sisters kid” when I started to get sick. Nico was about 5-7… Michaela about 2-3 maybe and TJ, well TJ never knew me sane

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Nico did though… I remember how scared he was when I first started getting sick and me and my sister got in a fight over something so stupid as I thought I bought a pair of shoes and didn’t

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The peace on my block? You had to be 25 back then for rentals but we could get uHauls at 18 so we’d rent them and like we were parked in my parking lot and I guess my neighbor got scared and called the police… I fell out the uhaul drunk and the cop started laughing and said as long as you live here and are being quiet

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Showed him my license and he left

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My mom gets very upset over Chris too… she hates that we all were out there and now peoples is coming home but he will never be able to go home. She laid in on me today about it too… but I’m kinda like mom, I think he ok with it cause he led me back home anyway too… you know? I was blocking him standing like an X just blanked out until Fred pulled me down

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I hate he got hit… I hate that he died… I hate he had a baby on the way… and I hate that I haven’t proved extra in my life since deep down it feels like it should’ve been me

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I’m a make sure he live for ever though and wanna make something to give his daughter too

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I don’t know his babies mom… I moved to db when I was in 9th grade and went to a small alternative school for at risk students

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And in my own fucked up life and path turned it around. But I’ll be honest - sometimes I DONT know if he love or hate me

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THAT shit sucks…

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I don’t really know if anybody love or hate me… but I want to start a book for my high school besty that has cancer now and been fighting it like over 10 years! We used to have so much fun and I’m so happy she is back in my life too!

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“Still feels like years left of my own sentence as they whisper all in due time” I remember when I wrote that and things are starting to get clearer now…

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“Won’t tell me my own crime”

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I drew the pic I saw my horns I get it… but nah I didn’t wanna see a fight, a shoot out, or watch ANYONE die that night… just realized we really are like checkers and there really is 2 sides

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My bf read my Hail Mary and said THATS writing girl…

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The day the world stood still…

If my pen was a paintbrush, I’d paint a picture to see.
A story in time; when da walls closed n on me.
It was the day the world stood still, innocence lost, and tragedy fill
A day of ending and new beginning –
Witnessed a war: righteousness vs. sinning.
The day started as one of pride,
I couldn’t imagine the secrets the night would hide.
I couldn’t imagine the faith I would come to learn,
Or the realities brought forth of souls doomed to burn.

Don’t know the alpha or the omega, neither was in sight,
but I do know the harsh reality of my ignorance that night.
Perhaps I'll never know why I was the only one in the room…
And perhaps I’ll never stop wondering if ultimately it'd be my doom.
Felt like an eternity standing toe to toe,
All the while --- thinking to myself friend or foe?
I looked at him and he looked back at me it seemed it was forever, paralyzed an eternity.
But it wasn't the eyes of my enemy,
More like a familiar stare I became aware that was long lost to me.
But yes, the eyes were cold, they were dark, and they were piercing me,
What courage it took for the angel who ran upstairs to rescue me,
at that moment I realized a hero is way more than anything I could ever hope to be.


I flew down the stairs, passed the quiet guard,
jumped over the porch landed on my feet into the yard,
And there I stood as if I was in this world alone,
and I wasn’t snapped back until to the ground I was thrown.

I think I was in awe, cause I realized the ramifications of what I just saw.
“For by thee I have run through a troop; and by God have leaped over a wall”
Literally!
For this is the night I believe the angels carried me –
The halos and horns I could see so vividly
That is why I believe in my heart a martyr fell before we.

Be still fear in our enemies with ignorance their disguise
Behold the angels with the tears in their eyes.
In that moment we all came to be one – there was no divisible sides,
Together we stood and for a second coexistence won.
There together to witness and mourn the wrong that has been done.
And that is the true meaning of loss when you all wanna talk about “lost one.”

And to he, at his last breath I think he took me too,
And left a lasting impression too real and too true.
For I felt the weight lifted when a spirit was called home and I knew it was accepted,
Not left here to roam.
It wasn’t at that moment I felt restored to reality
But the world stood still did not move again until I felt that first snowflake touch me.
Now, hail Mary

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They said he died in surgery… but he was on my lap on the way to the hospital and I felt him lift

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My bf now I was toe to toe with… and all that other weird shit we figuring this out…

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But when he showed me how to shoot and I hit the bullseye on my third shot… I just put the gun down and realized I would’ve been a shooter had I not hit that “fork in the road and went straight”

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Shit… the apocalypse makes me laugh even in covid listening to onyx’s last days driving around… I’m just different and I’m proud my nephew with same gifts is in the marines on the right side now

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I tried military too… my mom hung up on the recruiter and said I’d hit my own camp by accident

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Pray I didn’t…

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A BB GUN*

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https://fb.watch/oarWCw0KRj/?mibextid=Dpxkx3

My city has a cross like that, I tried to write a spell jungle, as well as more like…

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The bullets to my huts? I have ZERO clue and really can’t confirm or deny

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When I was tripping and said 50 aka so and so hit me on my legit cell… I’ve been all legit since like 2006… and I don’t want him living that life or going back to that. I know there’s enough talent somewhere to make money… like pleaSe?

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Baby on the way? I think it’s pretty might be so… but my baby daddy never gonna let it be I see

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And I’m not fighting psych… but if you all gonna do some experimental type shit at least wait and follow the patient thru

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I remember hypno, I know it’s illegal now so I can’t get it fixed.. and yeah I think they brain washed me

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No I’m not adopted but my dads name isn’t on my birth certificate. I got my certificate not registration now

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What else can I clear up? Cause I’m not some liar I was just mad confused

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Yeah… I want my position back. I babysit when they sleep… idk what that means either

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Other then I should’nt have stopped them from choking A that night and I only stayed cause the room was in my name

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The first time he hit me… I knew better and only stayed cause I thought I had to

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I stood to what ever was coming for me

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Well way I see it is only a weak man can’t stand to see a strong woman… SALUTE BITCH

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I paid back like $30k… am I free yet? Are we good?

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Paid it backwards forward

what in the holy fuck is this

Fun facts… did you all know slavery was invented after the constitution in this country… on the entire constitution it was does not mention slaves or slavery not one time. The only men not free were and are the military… fun fact

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@the_real_spir me rambling on my blog page

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A Disciple

Fun facts… did you all know slavery was invented after the constitution in this country… on the entire constitution it was does not mention slaves or slavery not one time. The only men not free were and are the military… fun fact

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@the_real_spir me rambling on my blog page

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Pretty sure slavery pre-dated every known nation that exists today.

Ramble on..