A Disciple's Thread

https://youtu.be/YSGlkG5bHY8

My bf says this our song for real…

Went to the psychic yesterday and she said I have a lot of explaining to do in sorting things I said out that could be taken one way or the other. She said I’m not wrong I just need to tell people the reasons why now that all has calmed down

- - - Updated - - -

I mean the only thing holding on my head when she said that was the thirsty pics and like that was for team fat girl and hardly offensive. But that’s what my man hate the most - he say it made me look a certain way and that’s not a good look

- - - Updated - - -

Being as old as I am he right… it’s not a good look… ok

https://youtu.be/_XWjtK5wJmk

- - - Updated - - -

This popped up on my feed today… wanna listen

People always wanna know why I post so many selfies and stuff and I’ll be real it is psychological… I moved down south and my ex was paying my storage… he got mad I met someone and stopped paying but by the time I knew that the bill was over $1000!!! I lost my picture albums and my baby book and only have maybe 20 pics of me growing up thru the years. I don’t ever wanna feel like I’m being deleted off the earth again… cause when you live my life that’s just how it feel. ALSO because as a thick woman more then half my life I’m so about team fat girl… so when them skinny bitches posting I don’t get jealous… I rather have my shape any way!!! NOBODY hits on me when I’m skinny LoL

- - - Updated - - -

My bf don’t get it while I was posting ass shots and stuff and I see his point NOW… but half the shit he say I’m trying to be sexy about I wasn’t even… you know?!??? I’m actually deleting most of my accounts

- - - Updated - - -

So he won my respect and then starting cracking up when he saw the scribbles in my note book… what’s that underground song by 50? About see where scribbling get you? No where great yet but one I hope to be!

Sorry I’ll get off your feed just got some real advice about me needing to explain myself more cause words can be taken in many different ways

- - - Updated - - -

So he won my respect and then starting cracking up when he saw the scribbles in my note book… what’s that underground song by 50? About see where scribbling get you? No where great yet but one I hope to be!

- - - Updated - - -

Dmx was really relevant in my fall and lyrics and getting me thru it like silent screams…

- - - Updated - - -

I know how that relate to Get Rich or Die Trying

- - - Updated - - -

My boyfriend… I went the soul mate route where we were standing toe to toe with straight black eyes… and that’s not on some gangster shit it’s on my life changed that night too… and now that he’s out I realize why, I realize why I was walking underground, I realize why I never had kids, and why it never worked with anyone else. It’s scary the spiritual stuff jumping into a hell just to find out why or the weird shit like that but it was the best decision of my life to write him on this yolo shit! And it really is all calming down now that he’s out… I don’t feel so alone and laying on him I just exhale like I can literally die in his arms and be fine with it… he’s my peace and comfort

He’s also my angel… and because of him I was able to get back up!

- - - Updated - - -

He went in when I was 17 he was 19 and he only been out 2 years still adjusting. Working making positive steps and trying to get into motivational speaking

- - - Updated - - -

I’m really so proud of him and my buji az mom actually loves him too

- - - Updated - - -

I turned 45 today

My sister copped the DMX album in the late 90s and we bumped that shit.
He’s got some powerful songs n delivery.
Some songs it’s great and his bark grating rough voice is good and matches the mood solidly.
But then, sometimes I’m on the 5th song in row and his voice gets to me.

Used to play a PC game of a physics engine crashing cars on the roads n highways to an agressive DMX song on repeat.

Wish I could remember the exact title. Plus my fav track of his.
Ttyl “Sis”. Happy birthday.
~PA

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A Disciple

People always wanna know why I post so many selfies and stuff and I’ll be real it is psychological… I moved down south and my ex was paying my storage… he got mad I met someone and stopped paying but by the time I knew that the bill was over $1000!!! I lost my picture albums and my baby book and only have maybe 20 pics of me growing up thru the years. I don’t ever wanna feel like I’m being deleted off the earth again… cause when you live my life that’s just how it feel. ALSO because as a thick woman more then half my life I’m so about team fat girl… so when them skinny bitches posting I don’t get jealous… I rather have my shape any way!!! NOBODY hits on me when I’m skinny LoL

- - - Updated - - -

My bf don’t get it while I was posting ass shots and stuff and I see his point NOW… but half the shit he say I’m trying to be sexy about I wasn’t even… you know?!??? I’m actually deleting most of my accounts

- - - Updated - - -

So he won my respect and then starting cracking up when he saw the scribbles in my note book… what’s that underground song by 50? About see where scribbling get you? No where great yet but one I hope to be!

Sorry I’ll get off your feed just got some real advice about me needing to explain myself more cause words can be taken in many different ways

- - - Updated - - -

So he won my respect and then starting cracking up when he saw the scribbles in my note book… what’s that underground song by 50? About see where scribbling get you? No where great yet but one I hope to be!

- - - Updated - - -

Dmx was really relevant in my fall and lyrics and getting me thru it like silent screams…

- - - Updated - - -

I know how that relate to Get Rich or Die Trying

- - - Updated - - -

My boyfriend… I went the soul mate route where we were standing toe to toe with straight black eyes… and that’s not on some gangster shit it’s on my life changed that night too… and now that he’s out I realize why, I realize why I was walking underground, I realize why I never had kids, and why it never worked with anyone else. It’s scary the spiritual stuff jumping into a hell just to find out why or the weird shit like that but it was the best decision of my life to write him on this yolo shit! And it really is all calming down now that he’s out… I don’t feel so alone and laying on him I just exhale like I can literally die in his arms and be fine with it… he’s my peace and comfort

He’s also my angel… and because of him I was able to get back up!

- - - Updated - - -

He went in when I was 17 he was 19 and he only been out 2 years still adjusting. Working making positive steps and trying to get into motivational speaking

- - - Updated - - -

I’m really so proud of him and my buji az mom actually loves him too

- - - Updated - - -

I turned 45 today

---

Fuckin merked

Somehow you’re on my ignore list and I can’t read what you’ve said

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you pharaoh it was an ok to good night… like better than most!

- - - Updated - - -

https://youtu.be/F4fAknWgR9w

Triangle… like 50 and them in Cameron’s voice, I’m the man, but anyways triangle. I pose like that and then I can tell when they do or pretend to too… like people who have hurt me and I’m not cool with and nah like… what does that even mean? I trust triangle and 50 and the camp but when I tell someone they have to get away from me they have to go. And that’s where I feel powerless and get mad

- - - Updated - - -

Deep stare yeah… I’m a prolly spin tonight

- - - Updated - - -

Like I don’t know what to trust other then he is keeping it 100 maybe but nah like… my bf… I pray he don’t betray me too. And I see what it look like and what ever… yeah they get that point too

- - - Updated - - -

Hey… the only people who matter or worth the respect kept it real and true with me. I see how it look… for those who think I was some trick… yeah I believe in Allah I’m just not allowed to put any gods over mine! Like I was tripping religiously cause the offenses was too and I thought I would’ve been protected in spirit like that too.

- - - Updated - - -

And all eyes, and pac, my 3 shadows to seeds like… I guess now I know why… I’m not gonna walk away bitter it’s more like but we here now… you know?

- - - Updated - - -

Yo if everyone is watching then why we haven’t been paid yet?

- - - Updated - - -

So in like reality…

- - - Updated - - -

He said I was 50 years old I shouldn’t be posting pg rated but shots… like 45 ok and I get it. But I don’t have kids to gauge my age and then it’s like wait… I do or I don’t and my mom say no and I trust her advice. It break my heart but ok…

- - - Updated - - -

He said I was 50 years old I shouldn’t be posting pg rated but shots… like 45 ok and I get it. But I don’t have kids to gauge my age and then it’s like wait… I do or I don’t and my mom say no and I trust her advice. It break my heart but ok… and nah I just have a bunch of I know for facts though

- - - Updated - - -

I’m really fucked up with the situation with my bf right now though… I love him to death but he caught. He say no this or that but ok… and I have her number but I couldn’t find an anonymous texting site and then I’m like. Smmfh

- - - Updated - - -

He owe me not her but she was calling someone ugly

- - - Updated - - -

I hate bitches like that!!!!!

- - - Updated - - -

It was a text of her kicking it and I don’t like that he even entertained it writing back or continuing the conversation or what ever

- - - Updated - - -

Cause technically he has a girlfriend

- - - Updated - - -

That make me look so stupid right? But we vibe and bond and I can literally die in his arms it’s peace and comfort

- - - Updated - - -

What would you do?

- - - Updated - - -

Can I kick people out of triangle conversations?

- - - Updated - - -

Nah we supposed to get married spiritually so he can watch my back… and I’m like that’s backwards cause I acknowledge legal or spirtual and always assumed both. But like we have steps to build, people to protect, and best lives to lead and eventually it’d be legal even though we have to pay incarceration back. WTF IS THAT?!?

- - - Updated - - -

I’m a smart girl… I realize the lies overmounted with yeah it was sent from my phone somehow that they have me pegged to look like that too and I’m just like what ever for real. It’s a lesson I learned… most men that are pigs are bi and give me credit… he wasn’t hitting shit - never did - never can - never will!!!! Like most I can name

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t like this extra spirit bullshit unless they’re mine

- - - Updated - - -

https://youtu.be/UDfhE_dmER4

Like it feel like they were hating on me like I wrote it!

- - - Updated - - -

Passing me and my life around like a game or a joke

- - - Updated - - -

Not to be paranoid delusional but I get it and nah it wasn’t ever a joke what they put me thru

- - - Updated - - -

It’s not forgiveble and not even an honorable mention

- - - Updated - - -

I caught on when ray and Linda lied about the suicide note on my computer

- - - Updated - - -

But what like 7 months after?

- - - Updated - - -

You really put me thru a living hell and nightmare on REPEAT. Fuck you fuck her fuck them fuck out of here

- - - Updated - - -

What else on the agenda?

- - - Updated - - -

My bf wanna put out a track and I wanna kick in how much YOU THOUGHT I didn’t know or figure out already and let slide

- - - Updated - - -

Like my rims Jess and Von… it’s all good I got perellis

- - - Updated - - -

I had an ok birthday… my bf cool as fuck and I love him to death but he got until I graduate to decide for real

- - - Updated - - -

I wanted to write I miss writing

- - - Updated - - -

I should go to sleep even though I wish I could skip work tomorrow

I got a lot on my mind… prolly no sleep tonight but I’ll try…

- - - Updated - - -

I can’t keep what the hitch was saying out my head but nah I ain’t the type to diss…

- - - Updated - - -

I didn’t flash my ring I flashed my nails though )o)

- - - Updated - - -

Mutual acquaintances… it will get solved

- - - Updated - - -

Going to sleep take 2

- - - Updated - - -

Sometimes we get to take 10-15 and I’m not letting anyone fuck up my rest!

- - - Updated - - -

Especially a bum bitch with an exaggerated sense of self… who the fuck are YOU calling ugly?

- - - Updated - - -

For real though… and I’m not even like that

Word of advice.
(Obviously)Work on your mental health ‘til the point where you decently enjoy yourself, your own company, your own THOUGHTS ffs.

It can be the turning point in (a crazy person’s) life. Truly.

Disciple, I am not quite as old as you. But still up there and, I’ve learned that nowadays I’m pretty damn awesome. I do have a good friend or two, some acquaintance, family, etc. But do you see my point?

I could be alone all day. I can “think” conversations/ even jokes to myself. I can write or play madden or watch tv or YouTube and NOT NEED a Fucking girlfriend or significant other to validate my existence or self-worth.

Now. Who tf cares. Frankly. That you’re 45. And Bi. And crazy. And posted a few clothed butt pics on social media. Well frankly who t f cares. Yeah if I was a bf I wouldn’t want you chasing pu$$ and posting assshots. But still. Sounds like kind of a loser too. Who, like you needs another soul to validate his. Drop the whining bitch and chase puss on the weekends??? I donno.

Just need you to rethink the gf-bf dynamic. Whether it’s even necessary.

*Edit:
Just so we’re clear, I’m calling your bf the whining bitch, not you.

My bf is my soulmate and heart for real… and I know I thought I been in love lots of times before but this is why it never worked with anyone else… I was single for years and years waiting for someone to come back that never did. I don’t know where I would be without my angel! Like it’s complicated yeah but I do know he is the one… we were just laughing at a post that showed up on memories and it was like from 2014 when I stopped dating and his baby mom just so happen to be one that liked it. They don’t get along… thanks for the advice though! You sound smart and yeah I get it the but pic wasn’t a good look or thought out but ONE I refuse to put one of these skinny bitches ass that’s our choice of avatar here. I’m proud to be a fat girl… you know? (Just need to get in shape again :o)

- - - Updated - - -

My bf not a whiny bitch he cool as fuck and spent most of his life in jail… we just adjusting now. But I swear anyone that meet him would love him… including my mom. He cool peoples trust

To be honest… on this spiritual and religion stuff… it feel like they come and kick my ass anytime they feel like it and I’m just tired of being a victim to people soooo petty!

- - - Updated - - -

Ps not bi… never did no bi shit

- - - Updated - - -

I’m not greedy, selfish, or spoiled (maybe a little spoiled) but like I want to catch up to my brother and sister!

- - - Updated - - -

It’s so disrespectful to feel like someone’s personal vehicle

- - - Updated - - -

The pins, taps, splashes… I have a man so who is that? And why so abusive and disrespectful? Do you comprehend what someone (what a lot of people) did to me and for how long… like! I’m not going to be forced to share my body or soul with no one but my bf the ONLY person I ever agreed to

- - - Updated - - -

That’s why we spiritually married and maybe it is time to take oath on that… like we plan to but do I have to speed it up? I mean how do you get a witch or spirit infection out?

I apologize, Discipe.

While parousing your bullet-point rants I had made a lot of assumptions...Namely,
-That you and your bf were on slightly rocky ground - due to you perhaps being bi & posting butt pics.

Well. I guess that was the big assumption.
If your bf is as much to you as you say he is, I must take your word. I do read and absorb.
Good for you then, if you have a QUALITY soulmate...

I also have a brother and sister who lead "objectivlely" better lives than me:
I'm not jealous or anything. Very happy for them. Better salaries, better houses/car, but more importantly they are more healthy physically/mentally and also have long-term soulmates. Good for them but
neither of them have a rap mixtape coming next month, so there's that.
.
.
Disciple, there are no such thing as witches, spirits, future/fortune tellers are doing nothing supernatural, ummm...yeah No Gods either (but I'm open to evidence for all these things).
You need to stop worrying about intangible superstitions and focus on your mental health issues. If those things are part of your mental health, then I suggest you, along with your therapist/doctors try to move away from the hocus pocus, which can clutter your mind and make you paranoid? I mean...you outted by seeming woried that you're infected by a witch or spirit.
Now, to that subject matter I could probably craft a really cool/scary verse for you. To shock you as a reader. But I'm not gonna do that right now, have other things to write and am busy for now.

Apologies again for the harsh words on your bf/ (more like the concept of a bf - not his person).

Anyway. Sleep tight. Don't let the ***** ********* haunt you forever.
~

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pharaohs Army

Witches' Sabbath (Samhain) Oct. 31st
----
According to Hans Baldung Grien (ca 1484-1545) and Pierre de Rostegny, aka De Lancre (1553–1631) human flesh was eaten during Sabbats, preferably children, and also human bones stewed in a special way.

The most common belief on which authors agreed is that Satan was present at the Sabbat, often as a goat or satyr, and many agreed that more demons were present. Another belief said that sometimes a person could offer his/her own body to be possessed by some demon serving as a medium.
----
Samhain is seen as a liminal time, when the boundary between this world and the Otherworld could more easily be crossed. This meant the Aos Sí, the 'spirits' or 'fairies', could more easily come into our world. Most scholars see the Aos Sí as remnants of the pagan gods and nature spirits.

In anthropology, liminality (from the Latin word līmen, meaning "a threshold"[1]) is the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of rituals, when participants no longer hold their pre-ritual status but have not yet begun the transition to the status they will hold when the ritual is complete. During a ritual's liminal stage, participants "stand at the threshold"[2] between their previous way of structuring their identity, time, or community, and a new way, which the ritual establishes.
-----
The Wild Hunt is a European folk myth involving a ghostly or supernatural group of huntsmen passing in wild pursuit. The hunters may be either elves or fairies or the dead,[1] and the leader of the hunt is often a named figure associated with Woden[2](= Odin) (or other reflections of the same god, such as Alemannic Wuodan in Wuotis Heer ("Wuodan's Army") of Central Switzerland, Swabia etc.), but may variously be a historical or legendary figure like Theodoric the Great, the Danish king Valdemar Atterdag, the Welsh psychopomp Gwyn ap Nudd, biblical figures such as Herod, Cain, Gabriel or the Devil, or an unidentified lost soul or spirit either male or female.

Seeing the Wild Hunt was thought to presage some catastrophe such as war or plague, or at best the death of the one who witnessed it.[3] People encountering the Hunt might also be abducted to the underworld or the fairy kingdom.[4] In some instances, it was also believed that people's spirits could be pulled away during their sleep to join the cavalcade.[5]

---

https://youtu.be/94JmRMOH83k

I couldn’t read it after it said the choke and all the disrespect that came with it and all the stuff and nah

- - - Updated - - -

Just processing 2 days ago and nah idky why I did that… but maybe safety’s go off when vibes do idk… maybe you should’ve told me something

- - - Updated - - -

Trust issues especially when I’m feeling sick ��

- - - Updated - - -

Somethings going on… I feel it

- - - Updated - - -

Idk if he noticed but he said that you can tell when someone has faced death before because they no longer get scared… like when that m80 went off or gun but I don’t think it sounded like a gun but neither of us jumped

- - - Updated - - -

He saw me tongue tied before but if that’s what’s up let’s find out for real and solve it finally

- - - Updated - - -

Cause I’m fighting to stay myself again now too

s t f u u phukking psycho

u were fun mindfuck for like 2 weekz

nice littel platonic peck on the cheek sis you're boring the fuck outta me

YOU MAKE ME, OUCH, ECHELON? look like upstanding coherent sober models of society with 1 sentence posts like Saint and Karp so likeeee

TTYL hun when I'm in tha mood
REad that Wiki shit if ur feelin' psychic
wh0re

sorry, that's emcee^squared~
-=====
I been near death once.
-=====
put an m80 under an old metal upside down garbage can and run away if u wanna quick thrill

or blow ur fingers off w. it like JPP

then u have ONLY ur felon-pussywhipped bf to finger u, not yourself or your 7 other psyches

I just saw it idk what to think…

- - - Updated - - -

It feels like I’m going thru a car wash just dead

- - - Updated - - -

Who is that supposed to be? Nah I’ve been faithful but nice try

dont u ever learn from me and cut ur spam edits again lol
to help on succintness to attract my sibling attn hmmmm

yeah im so bored i wont retire just hang here haha...thats my top alias Roy in Primal Fear Lars is Richard Gere ther's a rhyme find good instrumental or ill make u commit suicide next wk lol - lotta tylenol injested and cut ur wrist bitch

just a joke lol . again sorry im a jester. right @Lady Poet told her wall im trolling so hard but K nbd hun bbl~

You’re mines still

Angry? Nah I’m so sick I wanna puke
Just like that time Ced had me crying but betrayed me like kanan did juke
Who he save?
Be real
What he then turn around and do to him
And all I see is what I see
And now we all confused about how to or what even is a true friend
To no end
I rather have real then pretend
Hoe?
Blazer you don’t know
So like I’m not gonna put on a show
I wasn’t though
But I respected many and such
Just realized young I had a treasure not too many could touch
So I was in a rush
And to hold on to so much… like
And In trading places
I lost vision of them presidents faces
Then you get cold
Frozen
And hell no even if I wasn’t with you
After what I already been thru?
I couldn’t and I wouldn’t do this to you
Pathetic
Right know I just wanna come out my skin
It’s paper thin
What you gonna do when they diss you too?
You were there when I cried
I spied 2 what ever she say and then you lied
Pac get shot I get sliced
Here we go - now twice
Some advice?
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
And treat kind the ones you can sleep
Nice
Time heals?
What you think about that?
What time do to you?
If that’s what’s up I had plenty to say of what it did to me
Here we go toe to toe - I pray it’s not hoe you see
Cause all I anticipated was friend or foe but love really was something I wondered though
After I talked to you

Guys? Like pharaoh I don’t even know what to say or how to respond. Hope you feel better soon

Wow discipe. All it took was a quick skim to realize this is pretty damn nice, even if keyed. Truly had some depth and by far the e most authentic piece of writing I’ve ever seen from you in our short history.

Indeed and if you’d like a line of feed? The “just realized young / treasure line is quite an epic wording/phrasing flow, easily tantalizing psychos such as myself and AJ ( said cut down on the fucking spams sinacog u fkn troll). Jesus where was I

Ah yes discipe. Really nice and such a relief from your fucking boring blog that i.

Hmm u already know this sentiment I’m sure that’s why you crafted this gem for your brother pharaoh here specifically with me in mind. That’s not my huge ego taking, no that’s called reading comprehension and the fact that it’s not evry day the greates amateur wtiter on the net (me) try two dark suicide jokes on u within the same Spring. Now, Sure most of the piece could be for ur self or annny other reader. That said just wanted to appreciate the nod sis.

TTYs. Maybe. If hiatus then talk to u 10-31.

It take more then that to break me TRUST

You know I was doing samples at Walmart and some guy came up to me and said if he was me he’d kill himself… I wonder how he knew but never that…. I learned no suicide the hard way

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A Disciple

It take more then that to break me TRUST

You know I was doing samples at Walmart and some guy came up to me and said if he was me he’d kill himself… I wonder how he knew but never that…. I learned no suicide the hard way

---

Less than a year ago I STG I was in Wal-Martc checkout area and 3 girls in a huge catfight - right in the check out lol

2 on 1 couple Minoritie Bitties on the White Slut/Ho lolllll PULLING HAIR fuckn hoes no major punches landed but visious nasty hair im sure tryina poke eyes 2 on 1
(Not racist) BUT tucker carlson said ithat's not how White Men (EDIT lol chix) fight right?

Text AAAAND real fighting should be 1 on 1 set & clean battle to the death if u want tho right

DIscipe which is why it's hard to fucking defend myself and roast 2 sites here Sis
whcih is why i was fuckin mad and sick of your lame shit here (thx for that OM drop)
and just said italics mean guy coming bitch so yeah

I BROKE UP THE FIGHT ALMOST ALONE LOL Dad came in and helped plus 1 male bystander (race unimporant)
so yeah
and as i was gripping the girl's both arms she be all l ike
'let go get ur hands off me'
so what did i say to her
I'LL LET GO WHEN U RELEASE HER HAIR [BITCH]
shoulds said bitch but then I'd be punching a fucking ho
and i don't like to mistreat women RIGHT DISCIP?
LOL

Hmmm… no comment or opinion

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t think I ever broke up a fight BUT I got in a fight with these chicks on Main Street and a cop broke us up and had me held down to the ground and one of the bitches kicked me in the face and he let me back up to whoop her a couple more minutes before he grabbed me again LoL I thought that was mad cool of him

- - - Updated - - -

Bitches really don’t like me… I had to fight a lot

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A Disciple

Hmmm… no comment or opinion

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t think I ever broke up a fight BUT I got in a fight with these chicks on Main Street and a cop broke us up and had me held down to the ground and one of the bitches kicked me in the face and he let me back up to whoop her a couple more minutes before he grabbed me again LoL I thought that was mad cool of him

- - - Updated - - -

Bitches really don’t like me… I had to fight a lot

---

Wow Sis...yeah you speechless inith. then edit in like a GOAT bitchfight anecdote for your coolest bro duh lol

Wow yeah coolest cop ever...need more of them wow unreal that sounds true hope it is.. I know it is unreal hope u got her good

"Bitches really don’t like me… I had to fight a lot"
NO FUCKING SHIT REALLLY? RELALY DID YOU NEED TO TYPE THIS SEnTENCE (you psychotic whore lollll)
Yeah whole site alerady knew this u know what yeah
go read my Tarot card with Echolon while you * * * on the ess em dee type joke so juvenill/ mysog
so boring youre so boring plz continue or I will u need a better shrink

This thread is a place to help me vent so I don’t spam the site which I was going when I was sicker… I’m feeling much better and had a medication adjustment so yeah it’s pretty boring now but you should’ve been there when I thought they tried to shoot my vv off… I still don’t know what happened!!!

- - - Updated - - -

Or the green dot on my forehead… you missed mad shit but you can’t take half of it for Bible cause it was a lot of back and forth and shit under my account misquoted or shit I didn’t even write… however some proof of the miracles in music and spirits though…

yes this is your personal thread disciple. you can post as much as you want in here

we know you are a bit nutty and that you had your cooch shot off

"Underneath the boutique exterior, at the heart of the cake you’ll
expose how dark and distasteful or hardened it makes you."- Baron Mynd

If you'd like a quick last live update
We had a True Real #1 over the Jeso-Math meltdown frankly naa cus that was real psychosis racing thoughts para for months ehh a nowwayy yeah this one safer insta recovered righte
lol got a halfie on the green patures that supply arbies
now i gotta have this last one here current update is i went 90 like almost whole way tears did start to process, well up yaknow
it was still real
so on this last one well you know it goes
gotta
yeah similar to Heroin/opiate addicts (never tried)...chasin that 1st one
THERE WAS NO WANTING CHASE this first one reaaaal and you know what Jeso wasnt even yeah the drugs and drugs and also those drugs. Were part of it. And the writing binges. Insomna. Meta-Dominated mind that was adding 3 digit numbers at age 3 cuz Kungs Daddy taught math, etc. Just like larsey boy baron mynding. Then I played piano by 9. Eh I told buddha boy ghostly mrring on an om uuu can browe quick feed destroy your own life and ego on whillele telling mmeee to get my act togher ?

See what im saying everythings over now im in control
friggin gave larzey a quick mimic summation etc

so yeah sis I'm bout to grind exciting games of all sorts and mix in clicking around writingshit or reading
got a roughie intro for the next one and bout 5 on the docket
complete with deadlines for egoless personas who edit
the aforementioned PLZ HOLD MY ATTNSPAN persona of insomnia needing my mind to be challenged for some goddamn reason why
why do i want it
eh
brb- and bye- and hi- while were at it.
Right lars and disciple(?)

Yeah another upped Depth nonkey job
Sis wanetd a visit next month y kno just use use the Servant why yeah
Masochist no fun? W/e chick, Love you allways tho Discipe yeah June mid be done with producers ~

Thanks for posting pharaoh… real ish

Insanity? It’s humble to the core… my bf gets mad cause he like you really don’t give a fuck about nothing and it’s not that I still do my loved ones but once you been to multiple hells like that you really don’t… I mean it’s not a humbled walk it’s a humiliating and bitched walk… and as long as you good with yourself, you clarify the story of what people think but in the end you get to the point like fuck it God know the truth… you know?

- - - Updated - - -

And you pray karma is real and that all truth really do come to light… ain’t nothing I ever did that I can’t admit to and I learned young that’s a good rule to live your life to

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A Disciple

Thanks for posting pharaoh… real ish

Insanity? It’s humble to the core… my bf gets mad cause he like you really don’t give a fuck about nothing and it’s not that I still do my loved ones but once you been to multiple hells like that you really don’t… I mean it’s not a humbled walk it’s a humiliating and bitched walk… and as long as you good with yourself, you clarify the story of what people think but in the end you get to the point like fuck it God know the truth… you know?

- - - Updated - - -

And you pray karma is real and that all truth really do come to light… ain’t nothing I ever did that I can’t admit to and I learned young that’s a good rule to live your life to

---

And thanks for the nod and let’s put it literal succinct and clear.
For about 20 years I have lived for my next writing high and weed high. That’s my fucking life. That’s how you get lost in satanaical faire forests collating with the greatest verse ever written which also happens to topicalize your existence. An obsceeene is argue 97% fake femonised nooo it’s it jealousy it’s awe wonder and obsession. And when you’ve been writing since grade school and you can fucking clock every writes in the world right? Everyone but zy who is doing skmthk g beyond tense and adj adv fakes and canibus quickies k. He the only one I can’t clock and never will kK no one will ever. So I weird bit collared for a 1.5 year psych job and 8 years to get out of the forest k.

And this is a journal entry but it’s for all. You got the details WW got the rough draft.

Listened to Broken Hearted by Nipsy and Pac yesterday and just fell the fuck out… my bf treating me different I don’t have kids but I have shadows and I know that’s what the only one of them believe it mean… and… I just fell out

- - - Updated - - -

Like I’m tired of my bf saying my mental health is an excuse but when my emotions set off and I calm down it’s like a fog… just walking traumatized and in a fog… I wish there was a way to explain it

- - - Updated - - -

I’m a triangle I just don’t know what that mean… but when I write and pause to think I notice my hands go in the triangle pose… do you know what it means?

- - - Updated - - -

And I don’t have friends… they all betrayed me… I have a select few but I know where to throw them and like

- - - Updated - - -

Yeah I’m a soldier and a lot of men hate that too

I lost my dog this week… she got into another dog fight. It started with getting kicked out the puppy the park and we laughed like it was cute but then it progressed. The last big fight that neighbors were involved it was their fault cause their dog was off a leash and everyone know my dog is aggressive and huge… then this fight she broke out the house to get at our neighbors dog and it was bad and sent my step dad to the hospital too when breaking it up… we tried for 2 days to figure out how to save her and made the hard decision of putting her down as she was a rescue to begin with and how sad and depressed and sick she was when we got her. The vet threatening the warden I couldn’t bare to think of her in a cell scared and alone by her self like a death row. My step dad made the hard decision but said she didn’t even try to attack the vet - she was at peace is what gave me peace but deep down I wonder if she felt betrayed and can’t help but think if it would’ve been different if she was my dog and not his type…

- - - Updated - - -

After losing Gabriel at 13 mos and Gabi at 5 yrs (we had her 3 years) I came to the conclusion that dogs are probably angels on loan but idk… I can’t keep going thru the heart break again or don’t want to be so cold that I just get used it and death either… idk what to think right now

- - - Updated - - -

Talk about that’s my therapy dog… I loved her I still do I miss her but hope we get to hang everyday still and that she just is a ghost now.

- - - Updated - - -

Gabriella my confirmation name and saint

- - - Updated - - -

My mom just keep on looking at me saying… “it go by fast don’t it” … referring to life

Airing out… how you supposed to be yourself when you feel like everybody but though? It doesn’t help

- - - Updated - - -

Airing out… how you supposed to be yourself when you feel like everybody but though? It doesn’t help and like trusting instinct and stuff again like

- - - Updated - - -

Like believe me I understand why you get scared to love… but I’m blessed I finally found it and if I didn’t I don’t believe it cause it’s different. But i haven’t even met his mom so I do have to stay grounded and balanced in reality there too. What if he doesn’t love me like that or if she doesn’t like me. Cause that’s important and I’m coming in on an angle to begin with

- - - Updated - - -

My mom said a side comment and she has me second guessing not his loyalty but if someone else is pushing their way in and like…

- - - Updated - - -

He can’t stand my Ijdgaf attitude and it’s not like nothing to lose it’s more like Lord you did all this to me and put me thru all this for what and it feels like not even for a reason so it’s not like I feel like when I get there ish answer to me it’s more like I hope he at least tell me why… cause most of it only god can do or allow

My Pen

I love my pen but I hate it too
It exposed my soul to all of you
And strangers too and like
In an outlet I feel so misunderstood
And in my reputation been thru so many phases I don’t even know my heart like I should
But I put it out there and everyone judge me
And I never cared before cause I was making money
Now I feel like this loser and leech I don’t even recognize
But how when he looked in my eyes he didn’t even realize
I set myself up I get it and I do it over and over again
And nah I’m done I don’t want a man I just want my pen
Now I know and whoa…
You don’t respect a bitch whose cold
And can’t understand what make them a hoe
Now do you understand why
I gave you all of my trust and you didn’t even have to lie
It’s not your fault you didn’t like me anymore
But you should’ve told me and not betray me for your new whore

- - - Updated - - -

He left me crying to go be with her then mixed up the texts and sexts me thinking it was her saying he on his way

- - - Updated - - -

Betrayal don’t come worse then that

I feel stupid… ain’t nobody real… just sitting here praying for a real friend for once cause my man just straight up dissed and disrespected me for another woman. I was stupid I fell for it again.. the grimy shit going down in my house again… everytime I get weed it go missing… my boy asked my for a blunt so I asked him for a bud and he say no… so now I’m back to no one

- - - Updated - - -

Exploiting my life for what? This shit supposed to be fun or something?

- - - Updated - - -

God can’t even make this shit ok… my life was donated and sacrificed to who for what?

- - - Updated - - -

I dead up couldn’t go to school today cause I couldn’t stop crying and he left me to go see who ever he wouldn’t answer my call for last night and like word I just said it like one day you gonna treat me like you do your gf right… like ced did me too

- - - Updated - - -

Fuck him I can’t forgive him even if I wanted to cause that’s BETRAYAL

- - - Updated - - -

He won’t even pump my gas no more… why it took 15 months for real to come thru though… fuck you and that bitch

- - - Updated - - -

Trying my hardest to stay out of mental cause it only gets worse in there

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t know what to do but I can’t stand the feeling of being in my own skin again

- - - Updated - - -

I wish I could just go see my sister but I think she hate me now too cause I wasn’t even invited to my nephews wedding and like

- - - Updated - - -

All this tapping and twitching fuck what you heard I won’t submit or forgive and give in… im prepared to spend the rest of my life in jail if I have to to prove that

- - - Updated - - -

Or to make it stop

- - - Updated - - -

In fact I’m back to the days where it might be the best option

- - - Updated - - -

Why and for what and for who?

- - - Updated - - -

I bet you sent a pretty bitch his way huh

- - - Updated - - -

You gonna start sleeping and hitting me again too?

- - - Updated - - -

Cause my computer already been tripping again all day

- - - Updated - - -

Who think I’m happy… who think I want to be all alone living with my mama

- - - Updated - - -

No family of my own

- - - Updated - - -

Some desperate man that tortured a bitch down gonna slide on in and think I’m a jump and be miserable just to get out… mother fucker I will slice your fucking dick off

- - - Updated - - -

In front of the judge

- - - Updated - - -

I feel like god and my dad tricked me… he wasn’t real

- - - Updated - - -

And I can’t forgive him even if I wanted to not that I want to…

- - - Updated - - -

It really felt real though… it really did but EVERYBODY switch up on me

- - - Updated - - -

I gave my ring to my mom… I think she more mad then me

- - - Updated - - -

I’m worried about him but I can’t be cause tonight he proved he not worried and don’t give a fuck about me though for real

- - - Updated - - -

Left me crying for the bitch

- - - Updated - - -

That’s a never coming back from

- - - Updated - - -

And it hurts that he pushed that

- - - Updated - - -

I wish he never tested me

- - - Updated - - -

It feels like a slice thru my soul every time I try to breath

- - - Updated - - -

What did I do wrong… I wasn’t the one sleeping with lying or betraying anybody

- - - Updated - - -

Bet he sleep fine right now though

- - - Updated - - -

Went to 3 bars before I found one that would serve me… fuck you and your network too

- - - Updated - - -

You have me caged and pinned like some animal for your sick entertainment

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t take orders…

- - - Updated - - -

Nobody bosses or bullies me around

- - - Updated - - -

And I don’t even fear God no more

- - - Updated - - -

I have to sit here and stare at these dumb ass hearts on my bed

- - - Updated - - -

It’s starting all over again…

- - - Updated - - -

Who gave you my body cause I know I didn’t

- - - Updated - - -

And he don’t think I started getting off the hook when his new bitch came in though? Fuck that… I don’t need or want a man and like I decided before they shot me or what ever happened that I lost 5 weeks off their joke… fuck love I’ll take the money any day over it

- - - Updated - - -

It’s not worth the pain

- - - Updated - - -

I didn’t sleep with any of them… I slept with 3 people in 8 years but yet them lies flying though

- - - Updated - - -

And I never cheated on him either… I don’t wish I did I just wish I never fell again

- - - Updated - - -

My dumb ass sucker for love DONE though

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t even know if I trust pac anymore… if that’s why I’m a switch up bitch

- - - Updated - - -

Snake rat gun… those were my tongues but even DMX dead now… anyone else no what that mean or why I scream or cry silent like that? Nah didn’t think so either… oh wait… nah everyone knows but me

- - - Updated - - -

And that’s the joke though until I fall into line or something?

- - - Updated - - -

Fuck you I’ll spit in your face too

- - - Updated - - -

And won’t “Stu stu stutter”

- - - Updated - - -

I did idol 50 he was my fave I trusted the situation with my man under the umbrella of it all and now I’m just like… stupid bitch

- - - Updated - - -

You know someone was trying to drill me last night too?

- - - Updated - - -

I’m dropped to hell enough on my own… face your own charge

- - - Updated - - -

Find a new skeleton trash can

- - - Updated - - -

And here I go losing it again

- - - Updated - - -

https://youtu.be/PkCDRm_YRFg

Jay z part make perfect sense to me but I’m not that thirsty and how many times I got to see it

- - - Updated - - -

I’d hate to be famous… I actually prefer to blend in crowds

- - - Updated - - -

But yo I would like to support myself PLEASE

- - - Updated - - -

Just please leave me alone and let me get back on my feet cause you all won’t stop hitting me

- - - Updated - - -

Nah right now I don’t even want to write no more

- - - Updated - - -

I was just thinking the other day how much I hate staying up all night not being able to sleep…

- - - Updated - - -

Just got student of the month and it go down like it happened last time I got it too

- - - Updated - - -

And yo I just don’t believe in having to fight so hard to get thru an average and modest life

- - - Updated - - -

I’ll probably take a week off of both work and school to recover

- - - Updated - - -

Idk

- - - Updated - - -

Idc if it take me 6 years to graduate im a graduate

- - - Updated - - -

Baby steps… people think I’m faking though

- - - Updated - - -

Confused as fuck… slurring my words… can’t stop crying… can’t hold a conversation and every time I try to speak I have to feel like I’m screaming so they can hear me… I guess I even talk silent now too

- - - Updated - - -

I finally go for an mri next week cause my memory fucked but can’t get an appt for Neuro psych testing until next April… I’ve been sick how long? Why is this the first time I hearing about this after I’m already pretty much retarted from it all?

- - - Updated - - -

All the behind my back shit too… im not even like that so why?

- - - Updated - - -

My first MRI

- - - Updated - - -

All them files and judges and lawyers and drs and hospitals and nobody notice that? But you noticed my positive tox screen for coke though even though I haven’t been dirty since 2017

- - - Updated - - -

I learned a drug is a drug is a drug… so why is it ok for you to give me pills that make me feel drugged up but not ok for me to take drugs that mKe me feel sober?

- - - Updated - - -

It’s all good and petty compared to what’s really going on though

- - - Updated - - -

My father drank so you didn’t even put him on a heart machine… how do you get so above other people and life on this earth? Shit I was being honest with my drs that’s how they knew because I was under the impression they were here to help

- - - Updated - - -

I should’ve lied like everyone else?

I still take it back… I know it’s not us but thanks for being there today and being the closest to a friend I really ever had since. Betrayal though… yo that shit just slice

I tried to do it for everybody but nobody wanted to get along

You're Mines Still is an incredible song that effortlessly captures raw emotions and resonates deeply with listeners. Its soulful melody and heartfelt lyrics create an immersive experience, evoking nostalgia and love. The artist's captivating voice, combined with the masterful production, makes it a timeless masterpiece. With the advancement of technology, I can only imagine how incredible a text-to-video conversion of this song would be, visually enhancing the already powerful emotions it conveys.

my girl..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Trzf1pv5w8

loves it

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/di...c3a250b317.jpg

felt like it was for matilda xoxo

dream on dreamer for the journal files.. like pac said not guilty

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lBY...VtaW5lbQ%3D%3D

https://youtube.com/shorts/xGdl29JIbYQ?feature=share

https://youtu.be/j85UDykomWA

Yo check my Instagram for the craziest ironic when you listen to this song

- - - Updated - - -

Ad_rapbattles

- - - Updated - - -

Ad_rapbattles

- - - Updated - - -

Wait that wasn’t it I wanted the one with Nipsy too

- - - Updated - - -

THIS ONE

https://youtu.be/h2s1pzkjVc4