Looking At You

Very deep, based on a true story maybe?

Emotion was filled in each line beginning to end, good rhymescheme, alright vocbulary, but I can see you really tryed to focus this piece, to get an emotional meaning across and you did, I've seen this topic a lot, but you made it better than I've seen before, you really portayed a picture for the reader to understand your piece better, it flowed close to perfect, lines weren't too short/long, really ended strong, good opener, got your point across fast, and followed it.

I really liked this piece, it was deep, and talented, it was a good piece, and a great read. I look forward to reading more from you.

thank you appreciate it and yes true story there is a second part to is called

looking at you: Sole Alone

this isnt bad,

i had issues with the flow at times, it seemed a little choppy - some of the word choice through me off (ie: dismay) yeah it kinda fits, but i think it was mostly chosen because it rhymed with betray and away. it was a good attempt at a multi, and i wont even try to say im any better but i could tell it was a little forced. (which every writer goes through at times.)

overall, you could elevate,
but cant we all.

-f.falling

^^
thank you seeing as i take everyone opinions to better the next piece.

very dope piece. i can definitely relate.

Another shadow taps along her sultran side
Helplessly i abide with a conclusion...this is our goodbye
So farewell to the dwellings of the feelings inside
Farewell to the relationship we faked in guessing each others life
Bonjour, adios, esta gupa'.....til we meet again
not in a kind spirit will we talk nor will we be forever agian friends.
Layed attached with the scene of avengance
corrupted sences, crushed and helpless, no support just Neglectness.
My eye's close slowly, my vision not only a blur but dark
I died with a trickle of tears descending, you left i fell apart.

^^^ very dope.
the vocab was to a good extent. not over-used. i dont know what else to say. keep postin. ill keep hittin em up.

dope true story i like pieces like this that come from the heart and really mean something the idea and concept was there i just thing the flow fell of in some places made it bounce around a little but other then that it was a good read

thank you thank you....BUMP!.