The 7 Sins: Pride

Thanks man, i appreciate that...most the improvements are down to the previous responces from RB members na mean..you, Evingale and Vortex mostly.

hmmmm this was interesting and will push the bar up a notch for me to write at this level for our collab for the next sin. But this flowed really well, your wording gets better every piece. I didin't see any forced lines here and that made the flow very good and it also made it a lot easier to understand. I like how you switched up your style each stanza. You're emotion throughout this was really felt, I found this also kind of amusing as I was reading it. Some lines were funny and I like that in a read. All in all this piece was very very good. I look forward to writing my piece know. props

Quote:

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AS even my cook comes from the oxford pedigree breed

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hahaha, nice

appreciate the comments na mean, enjoy writing the piece..live your character i say lol.

haha no doubt nicca, treat writing like acting.

very good peice bro. felt your concept the entire way through. Impressed with your originality to such a played topic. Vocab is decent, aswell as imagery.
good peice.

posting again coz we already moved to page 3...

i liked this piece mostly because of the creativity. verses were solid, the only thing that bothered me really was the rhyme scheme, i think you need to upgrade that.. but as far as everything else goes, verses flowed smoothly. story was done simply and nicely, and the ending killed it...

so overall, dope piece.

keep it up, and link us to the other parts of the series (when they're done).. im curious lol.

yeah thanks for the new comments, i appreciate them all.

I like tha concept of this piece for tha simple fact that it displays tha foolishness of pride. It revealz how someone can be tricked into thinkin' that he has control over circumstances in life. This piece made clear tha folly & delusion in tha illusion that something like money or fame makes us gods of our own lives. Through words, you showed how one little stumbling block can reveal tha truth of our weakness & also tha falsehood of our self-exalting efforts. You should of included tha ultimate truth...the reason why it seems that this piece has a hidden revelation in accordance to "what goes around comes around" is because this is a spiritual law that was put in place by Thee Lawgiver for mere creations which have tha habit of exalting themselves. It's a deadly sin to still His glory & we all will give an account of our lives given. That was a tight piece too (i dont even think you cursed!)

Thanks for the inetteligent insight na mean....through this i didn't want to include karma, due to the fact as it would have made this piece more of a what goes aroun comes around, i wanted to stick more to th pride aspect and let the other concepts follow. Once again i appreciate your comments, thanks.

Damn good. He was a rich dude who had too much pride and got hung. That's deep. I truly loved this piece Pak. Definitely the best out of the series yet. The vocabulary was of course great. The storyline blew me away. Alot of originality here and I like how you portrayed the story. The delivery was perfect and I really liked the read. Structure, Flow, Diction, blah blah blah blah blah. Fuck that shit this piece was beautiful. Keep writing man.

thanks man i appreciate the comments.

this was some real unique piece right here i was feeling the topic too, the format in ur 3rd verse was real dope but u went from AABB to ABAB in yo 2nd one....idk if that is good or not cuz im not big in topicals but i wasn't feeling that or idk but I'd definitely do a collab with you sometime if i ever do another piece
all in all tho this piece was really great

thanks man...i swithed the rhymescheme to show a change of character.

^^^.

Nice Peice Pak :mad:,

The wordplay was nice. I felt it alot and it helped your Flow carry out the well deal.
The structre was nice. I like that style in writing and exspecialy in poems.
I liked the creativty alot as well, it helped your imagenary and emotions.
This peice over all was incredible. A nice 9-10. Keep writing. Before I kill you.