Cremation of Souls: Pakaveli & Silent

No prob. :)

thanks ma.....really appreciated!...PAK uh....PM me i have a topic that I AM UNREAL wansta collab on.

Ight Ight
Nice collab -- good open mic

1st off --
1st Part - Nce usages of wordplay/multis/vocab -- ya did ya thing with da words -- structure is good -- i like how ya have it how u have it throughout the whole open mic - it gives it the rythm - you did ya thing - it flowed ncly -- im not sure about the complexity though - it wuz decent -- but nce on your part

2nd Part - Nce use of vocabs -- coulda used more multis and vocab (not neccesarily multis - but if they were in da right spot it could help) --
a couple of times it went off flow because ya forced the rhymes - i only caught this twice --- here the lines

Quote:

---

Gloves made from quintessences of Satan
Drove wild boars in communities of Haitians
Quailed minds that had married love now laughed
As the alienated brethren further expired and starved

---

but yea u also did ya thing --- nce shit

All in all collab wuz done nce -- both structured their pieces well -- and i dont get how silent had a bad structure?? it wuz consistent

and Pakaveli ya piece made it nce and suspenseful while silents made ya think so together it wuz nce --- i like how both ended -- great job keep up da nce work

Plz rtf - http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301444

ok my dude thanks for the feed...will RTF now.

preciate it, Omega. has checkd up your work and commented

Laying helpless on thy floor covered with bruises of ones perfection
Battered dimension, trampled in digression
She searches ever more still she is a lost cause even in her reflection.
She rises to fall, crumbles to crawl
The grip of Satan chokes with such a vice grip, she see's none at all
The ocean settles crash, with a deceiving splash
For she hopes for one day to be free as the waves, free at last
Viewed as a failure, treated like a slave

^ This was probably my favorite part here. I don't usually read OM's but this was a real good piece, I don't usually read OM's but this was nice and actually gave me a new respect for this. Props to both of you for doing your thing, this piece had a lot of good imagery in it.

thanks for the time and we appreciate it madly thanks my dude!

Kind of a played topic. But both did what they had to do in this piece. First person had a good flow to start off and set the tone for the whole peice. The content was good. Second person had some pretty nice metas throughout his peice. Decent vocabulary was used by both which is a plus. All and all it was pretty nice. Keep at it.

i aint done an open mic in a while but get @ me if yall iz down 4 a collab

preciate all comments and yeah papa smurf holla at Omega. and discuss the details for a colab and ish.

thanks for the feed dedication..........pap well i got alot more om's lined up with paka i think 2 more and then alot more with infamouz and then other people so ill see if so like something good and if i am doing nothing we'll get on it homie

Nice overall piece here. Could have been alot more creative with the topic but other then that it was nice. I liked the way this was focused on throughout. I have to say there was some nice wording here throughout. Which made it lead you to read on. You have to use a slightly bit more catchy line's though, just to make stand out alot more. But other than that you had some nice vocab & some decent metaphor's. Could have been a bit more complex with this though. Overall coo read here.

-Infamouz.

p.s As for the collab I was done & I didn't catch you on so I was like what the hay. Let's see if Cry will do it. Lol.. But we can collab anytime. Just pm me.

thanks infamouz really appreciated and get on MSN.

As fear is looked dear, straight in the eye
animosity builds with strides of carelessness that collides
taunting breeding, Hurtful feelings good-bye
Waived on a decadent plateau of emancipated tears and lies
seeking of a reason for these unanswered questions
Laying helpless on thy floor covered with bruises of ones perfection
Battered dimension, trampled in digression
She searches ever more still she is a lost cause even in her reflection.


These lines meant alot to me, everything was above Par, from the concept to the imagery, your creativity on this piece is flawless, wordplay unique in its own special way, the topic is godo too, structure coun't of been better, you really nailed it with this one man, we should collab sumtime. stay up keep blessin

word thanks my dudes.....sure think but also paka is on this so word up to him aswell!