.Pain.

thanks my dude!....upping this!

very nicely written. solid emotion, flow was on point (although it was a basic rhyme scheme... however it was nicely done), and the vocabulary was superb. agreed that you couldve been a bit more descriptive, but the piece is nice as is. dont agree that the vocabulary could've been better, i think it was just the way it should've been in a piece like this.

very nice drop, i enjoyed reading it.

i read all ur o.m's already but were too lazy to leave feed, LOl, but here u go

this was a very well written peice, it also contained very good vocab, the multies were right on point to keep it flowing nicely, this was real dope, keep it up, i will expect to see more from u, good shit

also ur closer and opener, was right now point, opened grasping the readers mind, and closed leaving them with no doubt

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Witness.

this was quite a nice peice,you have shown that you have great potential in this peice...your similies are what caught my eye at the start....they were very good,and made the imagery a lot better in this peice.You also did very well with your metaphors
'angered emotions '<---that was a very good metaphor.I feel that you could have done a lot better with the vocab in this peice,I love reading peices with a shit load of complex rhyming and great vocab in them,so I feel you should have placed some more in to this peice. Your rhyme scheme was alright,but it was too common,nearly all of the less developed writers use this scheme,what I mean is that you always had your rhymes at the end of each line,you should try to have a more complex rhyme scheme,peices do not always have to rhyme at the end of each line...it coul drhyme at the start or in the middle,also you could have placed more multie strings in to this peice....just to make it flow that little bit better. But overall this was a very interesting read, and I believe you could be a very very good writer in the future. Keep dropping and elevating. Look at SS verse and the topical Tutorials to help with your elevation. I'll be watching you closely to see how much you elevate lol. peace dude

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i agree with witness i would of said wat he did put i couldnt be bothered to type out that much

the vocab, multies and mettas were well used the vocab was extremely good fa reall well done fa reall fa reall fa reall...aite keep ur shit up

More of these and u be one dope head...

hmmm short peice here... but had some strong emotion... all personal and felt from the heart... i didint like the titanic line.... just kind of threw me off everything... but you had some good stuff here... short and sweet... not much for imgery... but you had great emotion... keep it up.

thanks for the feed...really appreciated people!

By the way please return the favor :)
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301620

this was a very deep piece a liked the rythm an flow of this....the metas were very intricate in there own which lead the piece to be more, persay, eye-grabing. i can emphasise enough about the word choice here...very nicely put.. the metas are very good i cant emphasise enough of that either..

[B]Too many tears i have cried.
caused from angered emotions that eats away my insides.[B]

this had a very unique feeling....the personification is greatly well...this bar was one of the best..

the imagery was meh...it really didnt kick in till the end of this piece which is a well.......... let down but i really enjoyed this.

keep writing

9.1

thanks for the feed people...and LEX sure thing my dude!

meaningless smiles and joyless hello's
Hurtfull I LOVE YOU's and stabbing LET GO'S.

^nice... feel that shit
liked the first verse, seemed to say the most in such a few words
nice read through tho, no tounge twisted situations
be a tuff topic if you didnt know nothin about it, but ya covered it well
8/10

word my dude thanks again man....one more tog o and you have really helped me out my dude!

to be str8 up i wasnt feelin it til the second paragraph.

but then it warmed up for the finish which was great.

The past that holds my treasures in life
Now sleeps with the titanic in the cold and weary night.
^nice line, gave good image and had good meaning


"the truth only hurts when let to intrude in a meaningless sense of rudenss in life"
^this shit was tight too


good poetry piece here.

This was nice, very well written if I do say so myself. I liked it. There were a few places that could have been worded differently like...
Like a song constantly playing of thoughts to rewind.
continueing to play countless times
^^it's like you were repeating yourself, and it really wasn't neccessary. you had good rythm and your lines flowed nicely in most places, and the vocab was on point as well. you could do with a bit of multis but the metas in here were crazy so they made up.

All in all a good drop. Keep writing.

This was a pretty lengthly piece, but reading it was worth it. I like the imagery it had and the concept of it. It flowed well and the structure was decent. Overall, I give this piece a B-plus

thanks guy's i appreciate the feed!.