The Last Dedication

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Originally Posted by Atticus

You actually really suprised me with this drop man. You gave off a very newbish vibe so I was expecting some herb ass attempt at striving to be deep and meaningful, but you definately held your own with this piece. You have alot of raw talent, I mean, you had pretty dope imagery throughout the whole piece, incorperated in nicely with alot of emotion.

"Congregational promises shattered, the wind destroys the willows
Rain pelts the windows, lonely figures readjusting cold pillows"

I looooooved that bar right there man. Very dope imagery and emotion that actually flowed very nicely. Overall this was a really good piece, one thing you've got to work on is your grammar. You had alot of little spelling and spacing errors in here that made the read slow down and killed the flow alot of the time because I'd have to stop and figure out what you were trying to say. Also, work on breaking up your pieces more... Rather than posting in a lump some like this, chop it into like 3 verses to give the reader a break and so that the piece doesn't apear so intimidating at first glance.

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Precita the comments and yeah thanks for the pointers, tis taken in context...that line you quoted was my favourite of this piece too, aight thanks

this peice was alright a little off with the vocab could have elevated that more over all i would have to give it a 6.5/7

This was a very intellectual poem the first one i've ever read by you actually it was fastidious loved it keep up the good work pa

Preciate the comments Nena, good ta see ya liked it and yeah grim good ta see ya liked it too as for vocab elevation hmm i'll take it into context, so yeah thanks preciate ya'all takin out time and reading this

Last uppin' on this, then i aint uppin no more......gimme love haha

doep piece, i liked your multies n flow was nice, vocabs on point, nothing really to criticize.. oh yeah, and the line that atticus mentiones is my fav. too

very good piece i enjoyed reading it