can u holla at me .. i need help wit ma flow and ma punch lynes .. ?
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can u holla at me .. i need help wit ma flow and ma punch lynes .. ?
O.S. I like tha lil sick ass story you went wit to get to tha topic of 10 yrs in tha joint, flow was aiight, nice words and imagery...
Alcohol intoxication....
Makin out with tha toilet for an hour and a half...
Can't remember tha number of drinks that I had...
My head's crackin wide open while I'm still concious...
Mad sick to my stomach, not to mention naucious...
Seeing triple of everything so theres puke on tha floor...
I knew I shouldn't have gone for more beer at tha store...
Feelin ill like death is creepin up...
Everything I ate earlier is part of my up-chuck...
What tha fuck..this sucks...
I just want to fall alseep...
If I go to my girl's now..I'm in one hell of a heap...
Gotta deal wit it, and hope to get better...
I'm gettin tired of takin off and puttin on my sweater...
topic: Being Hungry
yoo ... i need help on ma flows + punches!!
pm me if anyone has tipz!!
stop fuckin postin in tha elevation thread, read a book if you want tips
next topic is: Being Hungry
ayo, somebody help the kid out, i only need a few bucks to eat..
and i'm tired of standing here all afternoon on my feet
should of stayed and school and got that diploma..
instad of 'panhandlin' out here .. like i was 'Oklahoma'.
some shit you just gotta do when ya ain't seein money..
god damn, i'm so tired of being hungry.
* hopefully ya'll got that fourth line.
next topic .. hmm.. how bout droppin out of school.
got dropped from the system or at least thats ma story
next thing you know to git recognition you'll see my ass on maury
cant get a job or a bitch cuz im broke my life is boring
i wanna jump off a building thats over fifty stories
cuz this aint the way a human being wuz meant to live
used to promise moms id be a doctor i hope she can forgive
* next topic: gangbangin
got dropped from the system or at least thats ma
next thing you know to git recognition you'll see my ass on
cant get a job or a bitch cuz im broke my life is [boring]
i wanna jump off a building thats over fifty [stories]
cuz this aint the way a human being wuz meant to
used to promise moms id be a doctor i hope she can
The bracketed rhymes are where you lost me, I am not saying it was bad but you have to remember when your busting flow in text, we dont all pronounce words the same so the psuedorhymes as presented in the brackets dont work. And the phrasing of the line about Maury is kinda off next time try something like this ((Next time you see me it'll be in boot camp, like those punk kids they put on Maury))--Take all advice take some of But hey I am just trying to Elevate
*Gangbanging*
I dont know if you mean on the streets or with chicks//
But I am still better then everbody at both of em so suck my dick/
If your meaning on the streets then your know Im ridin' hardcore/
If you meaning with the chicks, you betta believe I always pick the dirty-est whore/
Your know when I doing either one, Im preforming slick/
But youll never know which one em off that I pop off to quick/
One of em is my livelyhood you better believe me/
The other, if my chick found out about it she'd probably leave me/
As for which ones which, thats the mystery/
Cmon Scooby Dooby, your a super slueth/
Whos knows Im havin' too much now, I may never tell you the truth//
Sorry bout not leavin' a topic N/t= Repenting for your Sins
fuck that,I'll take my secrets ta tha grave before I give a confesion/
I don't believe in god,so who would listen to my regrets son?/
certinly not a preacher or nun in a small smelly wooden booth/
homeless people use those ta go poop/
I would rather die with pride,wouldn't you?/
why would I want to tell tha teacher I cheated on a test if I got tha best grade in tha class/
would you tell a preacher if you nailed his wife in tha ass/
hell no,now get in tha booth and say it was you or i'll have ta shoot
next topic: drinking
all I'ma say is your verse was aiight, but didn't really kick it, and you didn't leave feedback on tha MC before you, so I'ma just leave this...........................
drinkin
Every Friday n' Saturday night...
Gettin myself right...
Drinks in tha club under tha lights...
Mad crunk n' drunk...
Don't know where I'm stumbblin from...
Cocked like a gun wit numb gums...
Tomorrow mornin I'm gonna have tha runs...
topic: garlic bread and pasta
you got a thing about food don't you? i liked your rap you kept it real simple though, im kinda new to this and from what i can see a txt rap/battle is gonna get good responses from complicated lines and good metaphors.......that rap you kicked though is kinda like the shit i kick when im sittin in round robin wit my boys..........nice flow and though it was simple i saw your story in my head
walked in the kitchen, breath air to my lungs see
*sniff* i smell food, oh now im fuckin hungry
stovetop cookin up like this canned alpha-bits
no, i dont want none of that microwave shit
i got frozen food, im in an Italian mood though
french bread, spread butter, then sprinkle some oregano
pop it in the oven, grab some pasta and oil
put the pan up and fill so the water can boil
cooked up its looks good, but it lacks some meat
fuck it i aint got time cause im tryin to eat
^^^lemme say it for you, that was whack
Next Topic: Suicidal Thoughts
((I'm giving you mad props cuz you attempted that crazy topic lol I woulda just waited til someone else tried. Your ambitious.))Quote:
Originally Posted by AntonioMontana
Sucidal Thoughts, life sucks but Im used to it/
Perhaps anger is what gave me the passion to spit/
I dont see the point in hanging yourself with a noose/
Cuz what if you decide this aint you time, To bad, you cant cut it loose/
Sucidal thoughts getting you all depressed/
Relvin' those memories that your childhood regressed/
Your gonna do it no matter what I say here/
But its not my life and I dont know you so I have nothin' to fear//
I didnt leave a topic- so N/t= MidnightQuote:
Originally Posted by goosutoraitaa
Good Work, Uppa ya Vocab a lil, str8 tho
Sitting in tha still of tha night, Thoughts runnin in ya head
Sitting upright watchin ReRuns of The Fresh Prince cuz u cant go to Bed
Thinkin bout ya problems,ya life, ya girl, ya shits all in a mess
Sittin alone in tha dark at midnight is tha only time u get peace without a vest
Try to think of sumthing Creative, but a thought cant pop into your dome
Just be happy you got ya own house instead of sleepin in ya friends home
But finally tha lightbulb clicks, A thought registers in ya brain
Tha reason u cant sleep is cuz of the food lackage leading to pain
So u stand up right, Wobble for a min. then work ya way to tha kitchen
Gettin back into ur warm and snug bed is tha only thing your wishin
So u get ya Vitamins and Protein, Work ya back to ya bed
and Finally at last, you feel a pillow meet ya head
As u fade into sleep, U feel numbness comin over you feelin of Satisfaction
Knowing your goin to Sleep in ur own bed so u get a Grateful Reaction
But u wake up in tha Night, Look at tha clock its 3:42 A.M. But u aint worried
You shift ya attention to tha light that just turned on and tha roach that scurried
So u get up outta ya bed, Step softly and creep closer on tha floor
Moving ever so closer till u hear foreign voices on tha other side of the door........
Next Topic: Finish My Story