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yo this was aight you should elevate a lot though as thats the reason we're in here. but you did ya thang so i ain't hatin.
rap or pop
i'm the one on top
i'm never comin down
cause i'm high as the clouds
refusein to do what i'm told
you can't make me do shit i'm 18 years old
to old to take orders
north of the border
american bread an raised
rap-pop is my terriagn
so take it how you wanna disrepsect is intended
this the way i feel they is no pretendin
next subject=race in hip-hop
damn... shitty topic but here my feed back then spit..
Pittyful.. Elevate majorly.. Work on line structure, flow, and rhyme scheme..
The Race in hip hop is growing faster than nascar, blowin dale Jr. away
Faces gettin poped.. Rich rappers gettin fast cars almost every day
Not a good way to live... but it pays.. A few more hits an it'l b on its way
Hip hop is in the clubs, playin from 2 pac to Juelz... Hip hop is here to stay
Not much I could work on.. but anyways..
Topic= My hostile moment
You were on topic aiight wit it, could of had more strength and length to it, but nice wit it
My H0StiLe M0meNT
"EeRrrr' body get on tha fuckin floor before I start poppin!"...
(Security guards respondin dumbass chicks screamin why kids jaws droppin)...
"Yeah you too little kid don't make me spray ya moms up!"...
"Now every body put hands in tha air, I wanna see palms up!"...
(I pop one shot through tha hand of a elderly lady)...
"I told you mutha fuckaz I was serious, what you think you can play me?!"
"Wallets, purses, watches..rings...!"
"Oh yeah, thats right..take off everything!"
(Everyones possesions piled in tha middle of tha floor, now they sittin)...
(Bust two shots in tha ceilin)...
"I said everything whatchu' think I was kiddin!"
"Strip to ya butt naked mutha fuckaz, I wanna see ya birthday suits!"...
"Aiy0 you in tha back you cute, come here I think I like you..."
(Blonde babe in tha back approaches me with caution)...
(She's tellin me not to hurt her wit a whimpering tone thats soft)...
"Aiy0 watch this BITCH!!!!!"...
(Blow my own head off)...
my bad.....
TOPIC: poverTY
(wtf is up with brackets?)(other than then i liked it nice flow, but somtimes your lines werr to long or short work on structurs aswell...
.............Fuck i aint doing your topic im going to diss it,
.......this cat cant evin edit his post to add a new topic,
.......so he has to create a new reply, bitch thats freeposting,
with rhymes that crash and burn then turn on so you be roasting,
leave feedback for the cat abov you but you dont kno shit,
you aint got flow, or structure and wtf is up with the brackets.
wrighting more lines aint gunna make your feedback better kid,
coz you and your rhymes ride more dick than gay men ever did.
NT - Gay Cops Jus Pulled You Over And jus Took You Back To The cop station Jail Cell For "Punishment"
Aiy0 it was a Friday night n' I'm drivin down tha street wit Esculator...
We both fuckin blitz, eyes all lit red n' shit...
I see flashin lights behind me damn I knew we was busted...
Make a long convo short, that took Esculator and cuffed him...
Then they had me cuffed and put next to em' in tha cop car...
They found the four empty bottles and my weed in tha jar...
So we was gettin tha double wammy, DUI & DWI...
Fuckin jail time, I'de rather die...
So we hit to tha basement of tha station...
Mad dudes yellin, throwin shit n' hatin...
But my punishment wasn't as bad...
All I had to do was watch tha officers fuck Esculator from tha back...
So I laughed...and ate some donuts...
They pumped so much come in him I swear he was gonna blow up...
Overnight he was cryin n' shit if it was me I bet I would be to...
But I got off on possesion of marijuana..he got one to two...
topic: babysitting your little brother
good shit, funny at times. kinda got disturbed when yous was talkin bout pumpin come in yo hommie. but shits straight cause i laughed.
mommy daddy dont leave me sittin/
brother J gonna fill this house up wit bitches/
comin ova by the bakas dozen quick losin dey britches/
spilled cup a milk got that shit drippin in the floor/
baby brotha dont undastand when i spit in metaphors/
when the garage collapse, still didnt hear em bitches on my lap/
mommy, daddy, can anybody hear me/
brotha j in the coridor touchin that girls pussy/
take lil bro down now off to cradle/
back to the party be outta control like a psychotic dradle/
all of a sudden the room got slow/
thats about the time when the cops tapped the door/
"officer what seems to be the matter"/
behind my back the world starts to scatter/
frantic friends hittin switches hearin dishes shatter/
"son could you keep the noise down"/
the whole damn crowded citty can hear you now/
walkin thru my kitchen the shits all over the place/
walked to my brothers room, greeted me with middle fingers in my face/
haha that was wack but w/e
next topic- war
that shit was hot man 4real, it had a lot of imagination in it keep that shit up
it's war on this site
and im killing every enemy in sight
im deadly in the day but im viscious in the night
im lurking looking for other rappers to start murking
cuz my rhymes sting like bee's and start hurting
im in the trees sniping
niggas with these verses im typing
this is site war 1
and to yall its frightning
topic= Elevaion cypher
Quote:
Originally Posted by JHull Checkstatz
hey wheres my feedback^^^^^^^^
site, night, fight, tight, right, im pretty sure u can find more words then this typical one...
I take this plateau to a new elevation and drop bomb on ya altitude
against Da-one i'll mute this dude without much aggressive attitude
Look here son, ya rhyme is not nice nor does it look kute
Ur Dr. Seuss structure need more improvement like ya spellin It's misuse
I'll leave more scars on ya body than ice-pad on ya bruise
Ya flow aint smooth like a cup of cold tea u need to be re-brew
The only time u actully hot is being baking in the oven like bunch of Jews
I'm not even amuse, murkin this katz it's so simple they called it "Abuse"...
site, night, fight, tight, right, im pretty sure u can find more words then this typical one...
I take this plateau to a new elevation and drop bomb on ya altitude
against Da-one i'll mute this dude without much aggressive attitude
Look here son, ya rhyme is not nice nor does it look kute
Ur Dr. Seuss structure need more improvement like ya spellin It's misuse
I'll leave more scars on ya body than ice-pad on ya bruise
Ya flow aint smooth like a cup of cold tea u need to be re-brew
The only time u actully hot is being baking in the oven like bunch of Jews
I'm not even amuse, murkin this katz it's so simple they called it "Abuse"...
ALLIANCE
first off ya name means a group of people but ya only one person
....wait a minute im sorry maybe ya just a dumb person
tell me when your finish lacking knowledge
and i'll come back and murk u...ok i promise
anyways next topic is titties
da-one loves titties
i love to grab and rub titties
grip and palm and bear hug titties
alot of times i suck titties
to the flat chested chicks i say what titties
then she yells fuck titties
sometimes i kiss titties
stick out my tongue and lick titties
spot'em anywhere i never miss titties
knew the girl with tripple d's i use to call'er ms titties
she had some big titties
n/t valentines day
Your Structure Needs Worked On. PointLess To Rhyme With The Same Word In Every Bar. Speak The Truth In Your Lines. Everyone Knows You Dont Get Titties. Quit FreePosting.
This Special Day For Love or Loved One's, Rest Aside This Evening With Thee
Twenty Four Hours Of Perfect Harmony, Speaking The Heart Like Musical Sympthony's
Valntines is Not Perfect,It Could Cause Drama Between Couples,An Result In Break Ups
Or Awake The Soul Of Cupid As He Fires A Arrow 2 Beloved Ones,Then A Baby Turns Up
A Time To Share Gifts, An Feelings Apon Another, Verbally, Or Under The Covers
Familys Oppose To Births, Some Become A Father, As Many Become Mothers
Sheding Tears For Words,As Wel As Many Feelings Wondering What Their Heart Wil Say
This Beautiful Febuary 14 th, Oh What A Wonderfull Valentines Day
Next Topic: Critisism
shit was to gay, u was all serious and sounded like a girl/bitch
this little nigga trying to critsize me when he only sixteen
sorry little boy udont have to cry when i get mean
telling me i dont get titties cuz u only see'em on t.v
but they aint real so you throw on glasses made for 3d
little cupcake ass, in ya cypher ya sounded real gay
"This beutiful feb 14, oh what a wonderful day"
nigga dont say shit till yo little ass hit puberty
yo ass might not see titties better spell nudity
Thats Why It's A Topical.Quote:
Originally Posted by da-one
Noob.
* Alias *