The 7 Sins: Pride

thanks man i appreciate the comments.

this was some real unique piece right here i was feeling the topic too, the format in ur 3rd verse was real dope but u went from AABB to ABAB in yo 2nd one....idk if that is good or not cuz im not big in topicals but i wasn't feeling that or idk but I'd definitely do a collab with you sometime if i ever do another piece
all in all tho this piece was really great

thanks man...i swithed the rhymescheme to show a change of character.

^^^.

Nice Peice Pak :mad:,

The wordplay was nice. I felt it alot and it helped your Flow carry out the well deal.
The structre was nice. I like that style in writing and exspecialy in poems.
I liked the creativty alot as well, it helped your imagenary and emotions.
This peice over all was incredible. A nice 9-10. Keep writing. Before I kill you.

thanks i appreciate the comments.

This was my favourite piece ive read from you by far...This was amazing...I've read it twice and still think WOAH....Everything in this piece was great....I mean the flow was perfect you could jusy enjoy the read without thinking thats abit stretched...Wordplay through this piece was tight and your vocabulary was awesome and your emotion was good i thought...This didnt fall off mood at all, everything was in the right places words were they should be blah blah blah...This was a good topic dunno how you come up with these things, but they good when you do lol, The piece was unique and i liked the way you paragraphed of the verse and lol that sly bit at the end made me laugh ' Your gone and will be Forgotten ' <- -That was legend....This could be a contender for hall of fame well i think so...But yeh this had good description it was loaded with everything that it needed...Dope job and stay up. Sorry to see you leave :thumbup:

i appreciate the mass comments, as for HOF....i don't aim for that, as long as y'all enjoyed the piece.

Uppin this for Pak.

now you really going for it.


ha

yeah lol...full shit blazin'

yeah i liiked some of this joint. imagery ideas was cool as ice. rythym was kept tite..... some rhymes seemed a bit unatural....... some lines maybe in need of more sculptured wording to enhance the wordplays thus giving more smoothness to the joint for real
but yeah you mos def shining as a narrator...... tho verging on complete poetry here rather than rap, you dealt with the matter interestingly, seemed like more of a warm up leading to something betyter to me...

tite write tho

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Congrats Pak', you've had your piece closed for the right reasons.
Hit the over 50 club, lol. Closed.