haha iight thank you
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haha iight thank you
you seem to get a lot of praise... hhhmmm....
weak verse in my opinion. A fucked up yes but the plot flaw is amazing. You give no reason to kill the girl. You told a story well YET you didnt use any imagry. nothing about the real emotions of you/the guy- killing his little girl. Just a destcriptive idea on what happened. The rhyme scheme was weak. Work on that and in maybe add some more internals. Hit my OM. thanks very much.
pz
seriously though, hit my OM or i'll kill you.
iight thanks...i was actually hopin for some negative feed to know what i really need to work on and yes i do realize now i left out a lot of important thoughts and ideas....ups
been a while since i upped this but....uppin
Good flow and wordplay. I think you need to elevate a lil' more on your vocabulary though, it'd make the structure more powerful than what it already is. I was kind of confused to why you wrote this in the first place. You're 14, what made you write about murdering your "baby girl"? I think what lacked in this OM was the fact that you didn't explain why you had to murder the baby.
You said: "...called the doctors in, they said that there was nothing they could do
her throat was clogged with hazordous chemicals and air passage couldnt get through"
So you suffocated her because you didn't want to see her suffer anymore? I know how much pain it can cause a person physically and mentally, but man it's wrong. Well that's my opinion. Anyway, this was good man. Just need to elevate a lil' more. Keep up the good work. L8r
Latest OM: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=263374
Please don't sleep on this guys!
well i wrote it because i had a friend who was 16 and she was going to have a baby but she couldnt afford to have her at the time so she had an abortion (which is the same thing as murdering a baby in my opinion) and so the whole thing was based on something that i saw happen about someone in my age group.....but thanx for the feed and i will do this over (revise) in a few....uppin
iight uppin yall...i want as much feed as possible
Liked it till the last bar.
Flow was hot.
Wordplay needs a lil work.
Liked the sreutcre.
Keep it up.
Hit up mu om please.
Yo this drop was real deep and very emotional. It was a good topic, flow was there, vocabs there, multies there, good structure. I give you a 10/10 keep it up lookin to see more
Not bad mate. It had feeling and i could feel that being conveyed. Good topic, different, but good. The only criticism that i have, is that the rhyming scheme is too simple. You gotta try and look at as many different words you can to rhyme with, not just the first one that comes along. But as I said, good drop. Big up yourself blood!!
iight thank you