it was tight i really liked it
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it was tight i really liked it
yo this shit is ill ass hell.. I dont think anybody in here disagree with me.. hahahaha nice keep dropping Issue
Do I get the best feed or what??
COME ON! I dont want to report you....
ill shit y0
:love:
"^ I love this part. The vocab was interesting,
and the consistant use of multis/internal rhymes
makes it even better to read."
I told you that would improve your pieces no end.
You're definately more polished now, the schemes
and flow work a lot easier, next id say to work on
probably your imagery, get more descriptive with
your joints, picture the scene you're trying to sum
up and then depict it as accurately as you can with
words. emotion is another aspect you should work
on, repetition can help build it up - but with that, its
important not to over-do it. Another thing id suggest,
which you'll probably think is weird, is to drop the
same scheme after say, four to six lines and go for a
slightly different one. Keep switching it up, all the time.
You're learning ..
Props.
You loved what part?
And your piece got closed because it didnt have 16 lines... It must be your structure, yet I counted 16 lines :huh: Credz must just be blind to how you write.
I aint gonna lie, This was a solid drop. Nice read, Coulda been longer tho.
this one should also be posted in poetry section...
very shakespearian feel to it
your entry was killin it, like a nice appatizer to a great meal to come..Quote:
Muttering broken language through swollen lips...
Ushering spoken anguish, beholding quips.
Hidden strength deep inside afraid to be shown...
Given depth where lies hide. Alone... never to be known.
My mind is a base where lines are created,
Where my life is spent trying to redifine the rhymes I once hated.
I find signs like the matrix, but Im blind to there faces...
I weep at the thought of people wasting the time I spent hiding just to make this.
again much truth spoken, more of what we need truth...
when the topics of many rappers are about bullshit or meaninless topics, u def. did not include this in your drop...
not anything to say on creative critisms. thought it was well put...
also enjoyed your closing bro..
truth all the way through..Quote:
And unless that person feeds you the will to speak,
You'll never really do what you ever dreamed or be unique...
This world seems to speeding up and unless you seek what you want now...
You'll spend the rest of your live running, not even knowing what from or how.
It just takes one sound from one mouth to start you believing,
Its hard to see you recieving credit right now so demand it!
Show your hidden talent like you always planned it...
do me a favor and peep my first drop here...
Lowerd Contemplations...wunn thanks
Thanks for the feed
I was quoting someone else ..
And ehhhh, Credz is being an asshole with me of late. Fuck him. After all, I was trying to help HIS forum out ..
Credz is a lifeless homo kid.
:thumbup:
Hmm.kind of a motivational/inspirational type of piece...
- Joe with https://www.elkgrovemovers.net