U.S. House

yeah its mad hot, i like how u mixed it up a bit with the politics, overall pretty good, u kept on topic to, didnt stray off

good piece....i like how u made a rap bout U.S House....Great Job

A political topic none the less, but you seemed to develop your concept and idea well. It was short, but it was good and I liked the read, you didnt' seem to use too much vocab in there, so that would be my advice to you, is to upp the vocab a bit.

Good drop.

sup fool,this one of the best political rhymes i seen on here so far,i liked the wording and rhyme and overall u nailed this one to the table pretty well.dodge.

worst line......
Bush should be the house's owner
instead he thinks of war and gets a boner
this kind of jokey filler not really suited for a pollitical piece unless your whole verse is intended to be funny or provoke a laugh, i DID laugh when i read this but only because of how simple it was and the fact it didnt really have any impact. This statement was possibly the best flowing line of ur verse but i felt it didnt really work because it stands out compared to everything else. YOu started a second verse with a big impression but the rest of the structure was kind of weak in my opinion.

best line.......
so how did he become person of the year
when so many mothers shed a tear
I felt this line was the most appropriate and was hoping your lines that followed would be as great. It is an honest interpretation of society and summarizes the problematic schemes that the media uses to bend the truth or reality of serious issues. I felt this line related well to the overall theme of your piece.

line i disliked the most
for the loss of their sons
because of low oil funds
I think this is a weak follow up to a great line, it literally is opinion and i feel that it took away from the previous line which had so much impact on me. I almost didnt even finish reading your verse because the entire first verse was pretty weak. Structurally, the set up failed to connect the meaning and took away from the impact of your verse. I understand this is an old post(2005) so i was a little more lenient due to the fact that text verses were a lot different back then, however i felt it was too elementary and didnt have a strong enough message. The title was what drew me to read the verse, however i can say truthfully it was wayyyy to basic for a political piece. I suggest writing an outline and rethink your structure to make sure every line blends well and flows into the other to make a stronger message be felt. overall id say it was 4.5/10, but i have high standards.

Tips: plan out a general message and try to stick with it, dont pick random events and make statements that dont really relate. Keep it up though if you still around!!?!??!?