Re: Black - The Masterpeace
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...017/index.html
New collaboration from Cry and myself, check it out friendo.
This was a fucking hella dope read. The wording was just perfectly placed (no dick riding intended, for the homo viewers) and the flow was simply enjoyable. I felt like Atmosphere reading this piece. Kinda strange, yet dope at the same time. The idea itself was creative and original, though Soulstice, and I both, have done similiar to this topic before...buuuuuuut....not as good. lol. Anyways, fo sho hof piece. Keep writing, we need to colllab you whore!
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
honestly, you don't fail to impress. I just read your SS verse last night, and thought it was dope, but I think I may like this verse more. Here we go.
The whole beginning was dope, I loved it.
Quote:
sub-saharan safari, a lone sandstorm unaware of the party
the scarabs who haunt me, the same enlisting Pharaoh his army,
Empirical, Godly, double-helix hologram entrusted to rule
cause every lost soul develops something to prove;
stuck in this pool of talking dolphins flying sporadically,
writing "thanks for all the fish!" inside a guide to the galaxy,
atom bomb collages painted high in the planet's peak,
what best describes this catastrophe? a title - The Masterpeace.
I can only describe the imagery used here as "controlled chaos." The images all carry their own levels of meaning and importance, and somehow they all flow together on the same path with each other. It is no easy feat to make them get along like that; you're like the Phil Jackson of imagery. It was "the beautiful disaster" so to speak, since a lot of those images don't typically carry peaceful connotations (sandstorms, lost souls, armies, a-bombs). But as I said before, somehow they fit and seem natural.
Quote:
In Dr. King's footsteps - here, he hoped to become clean
realizing that he died because he only had one dream.
rolling the dutch leaves, inhale osmosis & puff steam
wasteland for stray humans that are socially drug free.
That Dr. King line was sick, I had to rewind on that one when I first read this. There is an authoritative voice to your writing that passes any thought as Truth, and that is an exceptional trait to have as a writer.
Quote:
blossoming, soft & warm - red roses grown in a casket,
rise everytime I use the phrase "if you could only imagine.."
...
stuck in this sandy trap, feeling semi-unconscious
cause any optimism spawns another set of mirages.
beyond the legends & crosses - humanity's indebted confinement,
it's all tangent vibrations and magnetic alignment.
The Masterpeace is simple, it's not lost treasure or diamonds
and you aint gotta trek into a desert to find it.
i'd trade a lifetime of white noise for a second of silence,
i even made my way out into the desert to find it.
this whole last section was dope. the imagery of beauty arising from death, the illusion of optimism, the blurring of science and superstition, all of it was a feast for thought. Very provacative. I also liked the repetition of the rhyme "desert to find it" since it emphasized the journey that it takes to make sense of this "masterpeace." Not much else I can say about this, I have no quarrels with any of it to be honest. It was an excellent piece.
please rtf http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...021/index.html
Re: Black - The Masterpeace
cycles of atrophy leave your garbage floating in bloodstreams
pyramids piercing heaven's barrier to open the sunbeams,
In Dr. King's footsteps - here, he hoped to become clean
realizing that he died because he only had one dream.
rolling the dutch leaves, inhale osmosis & puff steam
wasteland for stray humans that are socially drug free.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^I was feeling this section
this was a nice piece Black, I can always count on you to bring something ill
it read smoothly to me, your usage of vocab is still uncompared from what I see
usually people throw around vocab to sound ill
you throw it around and make it bring your piece full circle
this was nice, I wanted to see it go on further but it ended nicely
not how I would expect...still good....keep writing brah!!!!!!!!!
