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^lol nah it's all good. my verse had no grammatical errors, so I was in the clear on that, I was just stating what I look for when I critique a joint. and yeah it's lyrics and words, but writing in audio format and text format are two different things, you can take your fav. rappers best lyrics and type 'em up sloppy, they'll still be dope lyrics. ultimately writing for just 'text' shits will get you nowhere, no matter how grammatically correct it is.
props on the feed all.. ima get to answerin some of the shit tomorrow, its like 5am.. ill be returnin the feed n all. 1
If your dope enough it doesn't matter if it's in a track or on paper, they'd be dope lyrics. And if anyone writes a text verse different than an audio one, shoot yourself in the face.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Genesis
aiight, this is some of the most indepth feed i've ever received, so props for that.
seyance - theres always been a lot of back-and-forth about the usage of vocabulary to the extent that you can often come of as sounding like your spouting straight from websters. if you don't naturally use a sophisticated vocab, there isn't much point in forcing it in to make yourself seem smarter. yes, there are often times where rewording can help with imagery or evoke a stronger emotion, but as with anything, its never worth forcing.
as some may have gathered from the chorus (or perhaps not), this was never intended to be a strict topical, rather an amalgamation of lyrical showcase around a central theme.
and i also agree ALL pieces should be written as if they were to be audio. otherwise its uh, kinda pointless i think.
caderyn - yeah, its a beast of a piece, but hey, its an epic tale lol. in so far as we came off vague, i wouldn't neccesarily agree, but i can respect an opinion and can see how subtletly and suggestive power can't always be picked up so easily.
fazet - yur deog/oddtodd from rapcap riigh..? the cornfields bars - famine, obviously, occurs as the widespread destruction of crops and a general lack of sustanance. 'i take breath from corn fields, nothin torn heals' once the crops have been destroyed, they ain't comin back, and growin food becomes an impossibility. famine as of current effect usually lasts a long time, and at the apocolpyse, it'd be forever.
also to anyone who didn't understand the relevance of the cannibalistic references in my final four bars, i believed it a logical end to the widespread famine - nothin left to eat? okay, im gonna put dahmer to shame.
"but at the same time, would sound ACIDIC on audio.
its only in text that you can pick apart the lines, I find ne way!"
absolutely not. the lyrics remain the same, written or vocalised. you can up on your delivery and emotion, but thats a whole other story. if they aren't written well, it won't help to spit them because the message does not change.
also fazet, you know what Lent is, right? its uh.. very very different to lint.. lol. go wiki it or somethin, and gen's reference will make sense to you then.
and to all, regarding flow - its very hard to critique flow of a written piece, because everyone has their own styles. some are ridiculously complex, others simple, and often if you got your own lil twist on a fairly general structure, it can be hard for people who don't use your techniques to pick it up. hell, i always reply with crit on a flow, but always remember that i prolly can't work your flow if its a little different. it really has to be heard audio for a fair analysis.
ALSO!!!! please leave links for RTF so i don't necro threads again!! (*cough* sorry tactixx haha)
but chea, props on the feed all, on some indepth shit. 1
Yeah I'm definitely not saying force it in, but I was pointing out a more complex vocab at times throughout the collab would've made it abit less predictable and more interesting to listen/read. There's a balance between vocab and flow, just need to find it properly.Quote:
Originally Posted by IconIQ
Please don't blow off my opinion as "hey if that's what you see"...
There were bars in the piece that said nothing...
I'm fine with suggestive power, but there was no substance to them and little purpose...
Some were good
Some were bad..
Please don't blow my opinion off as a noob's opinion...
I've been around text upwards of 16 months...
I'm on an alias account here... so :)
Have a wonderful day...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caderyn
^relax, you're coming off real condescending, you can't tell a muthafucka how to take your opinion, at the end of the day that's all it is, one person's opinion, but your feed is still appreciated anyway. and as far as you being a 16 month text veteran, lol hop down off your high horse for a second homie, I've peeped your drop and if that was a direct representation of your level of skill I'd say you have some work to do, you're not gonna elevate if you already think you're better than everybody else.
you admit your shit is only suited for text, as opposed to having it in a structured audio format so that you could actually spit it, which is contrary to the basic principles of rap- putting rhyming words to rythm. if you're just writing for text you're going nowhere, fast. work on song format and start elevating your style before you come on here with that 'know it all' attitude, be easy. 1
Lmfao...Quote:
Originally Posted by The Genesis
Basic principles of rap?
It's fuckin text for chrissakes...
Half of these dudes fuckin stretch the god knows fuck outta there bars jut to get the intended effect...
Text does not follow audio rules, I'm sorry to honey, but it doesn't...
Text allows for more imagery and different uses of content and lyrics because it's just written word..
Text is more like poetry then audio to be completely honest...
It's visual, so it allows for such things as compound wordplay..
i.e. Insane/In Seine [river]
That would never/barely ever be able to work in audio, but it can work nicely in text if done properly...
&
I'm not trying to be a song writer, I do this shit to kill fuckin time when I have a little bit extra.. I'm sorry that I don't act as reverent as you do... lol...
And I only get condescending when it's thrown back at me...
Icon tried to say I didn't understand the subtlety and vagueness in his drop, despite the fact I can break down every single notion of what he said whether intended or not...
The fact that you took inners for direct multi's in my drop is asinine and all feed on this site is follow the leader and say what the kid above you said...
I gives a fuck about elevating...
16 month veteran as in been around the text atmosphere... I fuckin barely ever write if that...
"High horse"
It's the internet, take it for what it is...
I'm not going to sugar coat the shit outta my feed and input a bunch of useless notions of friendship like "buddy, fam, etc." to make you feel special...
Fuck that..
You got my honest opinion..
I've seen much better drops then this and I can point you to them if you'd like to see them..
I know "text"..
I give a fuck about being a good writer..
But I understand its dynamics better than most people who've been writing text for years.. :)
Have a wonderful-fuckin-day.
^haha ok that's cool, now your feed makes sense, it was given from the perspective of a text mc, rather than a real mc. I just hope you "gives a fuck about' you or your feed being taken serious when you admit you just fuck around with text shit and don't take the actual hip hop art form serious.
and having 'stretched lines' and 'punches that would only work in text' and all that bullshit you were trying to justify is considered a bad thing, because unless your planning on publishing a poetry book, in the long run writing joints like that is pointless, and only good for 'internet props' haha but really it's no hate, do what you do, have a dandy old time with the 'text' shit that ultimately leads to nothing, you're really going places kid. lol
so if you can break down every single notion, it wasn't vague was it? anyway yeah you've had your say, s'all good, now lets leave it there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Caderyn
I'ma feed this later.
But whoever wrote the first verse better start re-writing because it's not Strife.
The four are as follows; War, Death, Famine, and Pestilence.
Actually, it's Strife-Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Najmola
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Ho...the_Apocalypse
Forget ANYONE saying this wasn't damn near a masterpiece..
..TOO LONG?? THIS SHIT SHOULDA BEEN LONGER!!!!
i dug this the whole way through..and i was MAD SKEPTICAL just from reading the intro, like saying it may be too long..
the Rhymes are the most important thing NUMBER ONE IN RAP PERIOD...
and these rymes were all on point..no struggling to find the scheme or nothing.. VER NICE ALL OF YOU ...
.. the chourus was the only thing holding this thing back,,, it should have went ONE line from each horsemen, describing what he did and how he does it.. IN MY OPINION OF COURSE...
other than that...
...now, to me, EACH verse, in it's ENTIRETY.. were all fantastic.... but i want to quote the main things that stood out...
Righteous Prophets turnin them to Lifeless Objects
Spreadin the word to every ear that Christ is Gossip
That scientific theory is the only Right and Logic
Leavin the civilians faith minimize to Microscopic
...wow...nice..
Just wait and See, as I'm a Criminal Junkie
Attempted genocide in almost 14 Different Countries
Believe the hype, I'm the most devious and evil type
I got Achievements like jesus chris getting freakin spiked
To the Cross, now tell me bitch! WHOS THE BOSS?
Fuck it, I'm the crowd of people throwing Fruits n Rocks!
...VERY SICK..i love how you just came up with this..i know it all just fell into place as you were writing this last part... sick....
Famines which scorch, the earth like a lit torch
Torture farmers, armed on their porch with a pitchfork
Atop a sick horse, I beckon Armageddon
You forgettin', you can't fight me with armour n weapons
...this intro is fucking amazing.... sick ryme play.....
Traded my halo for lent, and tried to increase the murder rate
So I received an early fate, and was barred from the pearly gates
I hurdled straight to the second realm, stumbled out of Heaven and fell
Then was summoned by the Devil himself, from the ninth level of Hell
He said he could help, and gave me an artificial heart and tissue
With a death list, and an enlargened sickle, sharp as ginsu
...yeah... the 'Second realm- 9th level of hell' rhyme was sick as fuck...
This worked well.. You guys meshed well.. Yes, this is a USED concept, but yall did it.
....Upper Echelon Ichiban....
Yeah man..Quote:
Originally Posted by The Genesis
Honestly..
Fucka education..
Who needs that..
Focus on lyricism..
Fuck an ACTUAL career
So what.. everybody wanna be a rapper these days?
Who the fuck needs a university degree..
Nigga, don't just fuck around with this shit..
Take it serious
Take hip hop serious..
If you listen to hip hop..
You should write hip hop and take it serious..
Anything less is a waste of time..
You should be uppin your ZOMFG lyrical ability
You should be tryin to go somewhere with your music..
Who cares if you write just for the fuck of it..
Nigga.. there is only one dream in this world..
Be a rapper..
Anything less is a failure..
It's the American Dream..
Do you feel corny yet?
^haha you're an idiot.
props to Mums for the feed.