Butterfy in a Tornado - Born To Kill & Jonathon

This was on of the dopest writtens i've read in a while.
I don't really have much to say except it was a 10/10.
Everything was used to perfection and definitely should be HoF.

This is short only cuz there's nothing bad to point out to it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by writeamus Prime

ok...ill Say This At The Risk Of Being Black Balled...but I Dont Really Care Because This Is A Forum...i Have Always Heard All These Things About The Writing Of Btk And I Really Can't See Where The Omfg Hof Sh!t Is Coming From...unless You Have Perfected Writing...your Mediocre Pieces Don't Deserve To Be Busted A Nut Over(not Saying That All Your Writing Is Mediocre...but Im Sure This Particular Piece Wasnt Your Best)...but Such Is The Way Of Rap Battles...people Get Idolized And When They Drink From A Cup...that Cup Becomes Golden. I'm Sorry But There Is No Way That Anyone Should See This Piece, Especially The So-called "respected" Writers On This Site, And Run Around Their Rooms Banging Their Heads On The Wall...i Could Give You A Site Where...if You Posted This, Or Most Things We See On Rb, They Would Chew Your Ass Off And Tell You That You Know Nothing About Writing...they Are Snobs But Still, It Can Happen...they Make It A Point To Do It To Everyone Who Comes. As A Writer...really...you Should Read Your Pieces A Couple Of Times And Then Not Like Them Anymore...never Be Completely Thrilled With A Piece Because That Is Where You Stop Challenging Yourself....but Whatever....yall Will Be How And What You Are The Way You Want...it Just Blows Me Away The Type Of Responses People Get Based Off Of Their Names.

Anyway...to This Piece

The Opening Stanza Had A Bit Of A Choppy Flow To It And The End Rhymes Were A Bit Simplistic And Predictable. That Being Said, The Emotion Was Pretty Thorough And Fluid, It Was Just There...there Was No Denying It. It Was Also A Well Carried Story Line, But I Think Some Of The Mechanical Elements Did Not Just Shine Through.

I Actually Enjoyed Jonothons Verse A Bit More...it Had That Same Emotion And Story Carrying, But I Think The Flow Was A Bit More Loose And Wasn't As Predictable But It Still Hinged On That. The Repeated Lines Were A Cool Addition...let Us Know That You Two Were On The Same Page. I Also Liked How You Both Likened The Storm Of Domestic Turmoil To A Tornado Which Grabs Everything Around It...and The Little Girl As A Butterfly...that Was Cool.

This Was An Ok Collab Guys But I Actually Thought Your Collab With Heychoo Was Better Than This One...it Was More Complex...

So I Say This At The Risk Of Having Every Piece I Ever Write On This Site Again Be Trashed On Site.....but....i'm Just Being Honest These Days...i Find That It Helps People.

Here Is My Link...trash It If You Like...praise It If You Like....just Be Honest About It...thanks:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ga-379813.html

---

F.a.g.g.o.t.

Yeah, write...

Your entitled to your own opinion but, maybe its just me but I didn't see anything wrong with Born's verse. Actually, I think its one of the better verse's I've read since I've been back. & btw, about the 'golden cup' shit - you're right, no one should raise anyone above anyone else due to past goals accomplished; but do you see anyone else on this site dropping bombs repeatively like he has? If he wasn't dope, I wouldn't have begged to collab with him over and over and over again. He's a little old; but damn man, I don't see how you could just go out on a limb and say shit like that.

Regardless of what you or anyone else says, he's still by far my favorite writer on this site.

Once this month is over I can prove to you how little you know about good writings.

lol @ dagel with nuts in his mouth calling me a faggot...i stated that i have seen better from born...if i dont know much about good writing then thats on me...but because my opinion doesnt gel with someone else's it doesnt mean that i dont know about writing...my opinion was that i didnt like EVERYTHING about the verse...but i did point out what i did like about it...you people are acting as if i called his verse trash...but hey...yall got cats like dagel around here...so thats enough said...he feels like he is better than everyone yet when it comes to the "respected" heads round here...he gargles nut juice...its people like him i was talking about...look at his arrogance over his mediocre writing ability but let a "known" cat speak to him and he is like a lamb...people like that are a joke...but as far as my opinion...look at what i said about the piece again...i said nothing about it being trash or worthless...so i dont see why peeps are acting as if i did..lol

This was cool. You both created a picture with your verses. broken home, crying child, hospital room, etc. everything was written in the correct way. In some parts of your verses your flow was hard to catch, probably just me, idk... i ended up gettin it so w/e, lol. There were a few punchlines, they were ok.. nothing amazing. I don't feel that punches are really necessary when your speaking on a topic, it's just all about how you write your verse. However, punches can't hurt as long as they're up to par. Shit was kinda sad tho, little girl/boy idk lost both parents... thats pretty fukked up. But'chea, all in all this was a good piece.. keep at it both of you.. eazy.......

Yea this was a nice peice, not the best i've seen from both of you but definately a nice peice. this had a great deal of creativity put into it, the topic was creative as well. pretty fresh in my opinion. the imagery was very nice..i could imagine most of the peice, i felt the emotion. word choice was nice made the peice flow a little better and helped me grasp the idea of the topic better. overall i enjoyed this. nice work guys.

return the feed fellas.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ic-379800.html

Holy snaps this was masterful! I liked the brock lesnar line..and this has a methaphoric capture that negligence can only see with its perceptive and benevolent lense!

great work guys I really dug it...I always love to read pieces from experienced writers but also from the greeness aswell!

10/10

upp

i'm wow'd by this, great concept and how the girl is the butterfly in the "tornado"... i like the message it gives out and how you both didnt force your rhymes to make it work. The emotion was felt and im sure many people can somehow relate to this. You both showed different stories with the same message and collabed very well... i like how you guys used the dialogue and gave a descriptive image... the beeping part stood out to me and so did the fight between parents. I can understand why it's being nominated, but personally i thought it was great... which to me is a step below hall of fame statis.

peace.

Thanks, E!

uppity duppity.

upp

one last time for me, unless Born wants to up this again

I'm guessin Born to kill was the 1st to drop...

It's good to know there are deep minds on this site.

No diss to the second drop. I read it, but the 1st was enough.

Keep it movin.

^ & your retarded.