Tour The Heart

Not bad, not bad at all- good to see new poetry head all the time..i found the flow of this piece good, the words were fluid and purposeful though, the consistency in your vocab was shady at one or 2 points, try not sacrificing content for anything, even if that's rythmic flow na mean. Though it felt generic at times it was emotive in it's own right. Imagery was good in the content as well. Just work on the vocabulary na mean.

When you can, i'll appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-330438.html

Pretty nice piece actually, i disagree with gems comment of 'slanderous gopes' being out of context, as the meaning would be you hopes have been slandered, therfor 'broken dreams' if you will, i mean the wording may have been slightly off n that line as it would have read better to say 'slandered hopes' but that is the writers choice, therfor cannot be brought down. This was nice and simple, nothing too heavy, which is good for a nice light read... The topic choice seemed odd to begin with as the emotion yuo began with really didn't fit the piece's voice, yet as you rew me into the poem it became more clear what you were trying to portray here, at times i think you lost yourself in the story, and kind of replaced soory and meaning for rhyme, mainly the parts that you actually dragged multis into the piece, whice personally i didn't see as needed, but as you're prodomimantly a topical writer, i understand why you did so... I mean it's not a mortal sin lol... But to me it just seemed a little un-nessisary... But aside from that you have a good steady piece here, nothing really wrong with it, nice little read.