Thanks.
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Thanks.
was not bad , too short for my liking...
i felt u could have gone somewhere else w/ this...
but as you chose to keep it short.... its still is sweet
i just was being greedy and wanted more ... x_X
flow and wording very much played the biggest part in here
and u laced them nicely . so props for a sweet verse
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325329
^just re-post what u had there before ...lol
[fobnt=georgia] Dj..I didn't really see what was so amazing about this one...unlike others..I've seen a lot better from you...I see that you still haven't elevated on the vocab side of things but...I guess you're comfortable with your word choice...it was pretty short and seemed to be worded weirdly in some spots...though it flowed well some of the rhyming words seemd forced in those weird spots I mention...overall it was a good read but nothing more..[/font]
Lol, Thanks, sorry my feed got deleted, pm me and we'll do a collab some time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Licorice
Last upp.
Not my style of om this would've went over better in the poetry section although I believe you prolly put it here for the simple fact it'll get more replies, any who, this was a alright piece, your wording was nice very consistent through out the piece, but your imagery was off and on you'll be vivid with the imagery one second the the next you'll come in with the emotion you cant do that you have to learn to incorporate them both at the same time, the emotion in this piece was good could've used some brushing up and better words to describe the character feelings, but meh thats just me, the vocabualry was nice a bit shaky at times, but overall you did alright.
this piece was dope. and the imagery was real deep. it had me hanging on every word from the start. and the multi's were nice.. a lil on the poetry side... but its definitely good writing skills, no matter what... ill keep an eye out for more from you... but keep bringin the dopeness... i enjoy it...
i dont know if its the images u've seen as a youth, but u have a very disturb mind. Which in all makes a great topical head, the pain they life or vividly seen inflict on other and or thierselves.
this was a very visual piece my friend, every word in this poetry u said gave me a image of what u where discribing.. but as i read it. i picture more like a dark room w/ a mirror in it, blood as the image shatter.. etc, wont break into too much..
but this was good kid.
i'll be sure to peep from u in the near future
Dope piece, there is no denying. Especially in taking the unorthodox way to approach the piece. Short and sweet, and that may go over many people's heads, because it seems to fit the thoughts of the main character. Even though I can't see the picture, your writing gave me enough of an idea of the character you were writing about even in the few lines you gave us. Thats an example of good writing that everyone should take note of.
btw.. i never leave links but id appreciate some feed on this if you dont mind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327714