Unchained Melancholy

Nice piece here.
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Aight firstly Grim..whilst reading your verse i noticed 1 or 2 spelling errors or word doubling..nothing major though and it never distracted me too much. Your verse was emotive, to the point and had good description on how the person felt and a snapshot of the persons life. What i didn't like was the comfort zone...your rhyming wasn't as experimental or loose and enjoyable as it could have been..parts seemed too easy for you..nothing MAJOR but i want to see some more experiments, form, topic, concepts and rythm wise, from you na mean.

GayBear..well a heralded name there lol..anyhow..your mechanincs were more polished, line lenght was precisely adjusted and this created a good flow, fluid for most parts and enjoyable. Content was good, it could have been more diverse but nonetheless i found it suitable and entertaining. Main flaw of your verse was probably the word placement at times and at times the ryhming felt regimented.

Overall

I found that both verses easily complimented each other and as a colab this was a pleasant read and shows the good potential in both of you.

Comment on my piece, "Product of Entertainment", will be appreciated
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324240