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This was a pretty good read. Anything that keeps me interested throughout to me is a good read, and I liked the creativity in this piece. It was nice, and the description was pretty good. The reading wasn't very awkward, and that helped the ease of the piece because the wording wasn't that hard to understand. I'm glad you guys collabed, it seemed like a good combination between you two. Good job.
man EX thanks for the feed bruh im glad you liked the read.
Hmm...Very abstract and dark...
But anyways...
I liked how you took on thing and spread it into several topics...But each topic could have been covered me...That's the only flaw I see...But the metaphors and the abstract descriptions were straight...but the ending lines brought it back together...Scheme was kool...easy to follow with the occasional multi thrown in for some entertainmaint...I like the set up lines when both lines tied together...It was very fluent and most apparent in the first verse...
Here:
minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days
as my life turns to ashes from the bone marrowed into dismay
beautiful how those lines just roll together...
Axeshun...At first it just seemed like scattered thoughts...which I still think it was..But like the rest of the verses it was brought together at the end when it brings realization of what you were descrbing in a way...
Good Abstract piece...But I would like to see one where ya'll cover one topic and detail that alone with this same style...
Nice Read tho...
thanks man appreciate the feed bruh
nice i dont know who is who but that third little verse was streached...but it was streached for a reason there was mad internal rhyme skemes in there...the first verse had a intresting structure and hade alot of multies....the peice was deep and a bit confusing because it wasnt as descriptive as it could have been. but the vocab and wordplay was good...overall this was a good read...my fav was the internal rhyme skeme in the third verse doe...
yea thats me the itallic verse is axe...
Can Both Of You Hit This Up With An Honest Vote I Need Got Topic Heads To Vote
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=321261
This Was A Nice Piece as a whole but at the beggining i think it could of been better with more emotion it really didnt seem as if your life was all fucked becuz of this...the vocab was there but you just didnt use the right vocab but other then emotion that was nice.....the second partafter the secon pic was very good the emotion and wording was there also was vocab it really made me feel what was happining ....but as a whole this piece was tight.....