"Under My Chequered Skirt" - D.H.Brixton.

Well, to be quite honest, I didn't find this piece to be as disturbing as everone else did, though it is a reality check. The opener was excellently done and drew me into the piece immediately. Internals kept the piece consistant and smooth. Your vocab intrigued me really, it wasn't over the top and it wasn't under the bar, yet you utilized many words that people never say.
There weren't many meta's but I still feel as if the piece was okay without it. I really don't have any quarrel's with any part of the piece but I'd have to agree it would have seemed better with maybe another verse in there. There's not any part I think I want to quote as my favorite, it seemingly just all flows along as a whole, but, like I said, you had a good opener and the ending was nice too. Overall, a pretty good piece. Keep up.

And when you get a chance, RTF on "Battles of the Sexes" in my Sig. Thanks.

I agree with Mazerka it wasnt disturbing at all...more played out than anything since everyone open mic likes to talk about girls being abused by their dads or the life of this girl that girl its all played out... girls being abused at home/school its all the same and ends the same. I thought this was merely decently put together because at least it weaves together in the end. I couldn't tell if this was poetry or rap, im guessing its poetry because a lot of it didnt rhyme such as... Paragraph 2 lines 5 and 6 Love/Bum doesnt really rhyme also same paragraph 9 and 10 deserve/skirt doesnt really rhyme lets skip paragraph 3 and go to paragraph 4 ...lines 5 and 6 of paragraph 4...Happened/pattern they dont rhyme at all, and also the last two lines Jaw/Court dont even sound alike.
If this is "indeed" poetry, this lacks so much deep thinking which is usually associated with poetry; deep and thoughtful ideas, philosophical ideas, rhythmical composition,
exciting pleasure - by beautiful, imaginative, or elevated thoughts. This i can assure was none of the above but it did have its right to be on the open mic page and to be criticized by others with the basic idea you did.
Overall No hate, I thought this piece somewhat good and it stood out more than most pieces on open mic but it wasnt very remarkable...Merely O.K. Drop 5.5/10
Elevate and keep dropping D.H.Brixton from M24 and a total of 2577 posts.

...And could you please RTF on 'Battle of the Sexes' in my sig ? It will be much appreciated.

Nice,

As always, you have impressed me D. The Wording was great, flow was straight and smooth. The Emotion was very deep. Twizted story line lol, the Creatuivty was here appearently or else there would be no peice. The Structre was nice and basic and the Imagenation was wild here. Keep it up Mr.Moderator sir :).

~Belligerant.

PS: When we gonna colaberate?

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319448

... you hooker :love:

Ooops I will.. top.

True Down To A Capital T.. Things like That Transpire everyday.. The Truth Is Always Real.. Nobody Can Knock That.. Great Work.. I Liked It Alot.. However No Respect For the Charracter In The Tale..Lowest Form Of A Person..

Dope piece. Love the topic, especially the twist of the topic towards the end. Imagery had me awed when i seen her chequered skirt. Flow was on point, and the vocabulary was nice. Dope. One.