From The Heart

Wow...ok man thia piece was mad deep and i liked the way you set it up like a story the way it all got better with each paragraph when you uped the dates...nice peice i really liked the way you set it up where lynn cheated on him basicly and then you made john really make the title come out....this is good i liked it

This was a deep peace and pretty onsistnt with the imagery have seen peaes done like this in an while,you used an ryhme scheme that I haven't seen in an while, vocab wa an bit complex witch is an good thing forme bec ause im tired of seeing the same cliche's, the emoton in this peace complimented you imagery, very litte wording problems, ind've got board when reading it becaue it just hd an problem with holding my attento afte capturing it.

yup thats whats UP

dang up

This was a decent drop- definately are elevating which is the important thing. The main thing that I didn't like about this was the outside narritive stance you used in your earlier stanzas, however, you tighted up your naration later in the piece. There were a few spelling and grammatical errors aswell, so, just be careful of those. Uuum, your strong point- emotion. Although, the narration dulled it out in the begining, it picked up further like as I said. Overall this was an average piece... but you're getting better and better, so keep at it.

If you could,
Hollywood ft. Darfur

hmmm this was mostly a good heartfelt drop with some seriouse emotions... on a good tip... on a critical tip... your muti's lacked which slowed down your flow abit... i know your thinking im the ont do be talkking about flow :P but my peices only specially flow for me cause i wrote them.... throw in a few internals... make it just sound that much more like rap... and it will be that much doper..

but really you had some good touchs of imagery in there and the emotion held strong throughout the piece making it not boring to read and fluent in some way

great work... good to finally read some of your stuff..

Twix.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by atticus

This was a decent drop- definately are elevating which is the important thing. The main thing that I didn't like about this was the outside narritive stance you used in your earlier stanzas, however, you tighted up your naration later in the piece. There were a few spelling and grammatical errors aswell, so, just be careful of those. Uuum, your strong point- emotion. Although, the narration dulled it out in the begining, it picked up further like as I said. Overall this was an average piece... but you're getting better and better, so keep at it.

If you could,
Hollywood ft. Darfur

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coolio thanks guys

my last up or so i think

I was really feeling this piece. It was very visual & I liked that alot. The flow became boring in some spots but nothing to bad. YOur vocab was decent. Overall I liked the story & the details.

yeah great piece :) nice flow and great emotion...I really appreciate the fact that a lot of thought was put into this...original and well worth the read..Keep it up :)

you say why rise becuase god said 2 lmao up