[Untitled]

nice vocabulary , i liked ur word play

This was a good piece right here.The Imagry in this piece was real good in this piece you could really picture what was going on.The vocabulary that you use in this piece was real good it amazed me for some reason.And the emotion was good in this piece too.Overall this was a nice read here.You did a good job with this.Keep up the good work :angelsmil

word.

bump

This was a pretty nice drop. The abab format was a nice change. The volcab was used very well. Overall i was able to read straight thru. Keep up the good work. Peace.

cool...
i really enjoyed your vocabulary and complexity in this piece,
it was really well thought out and deep, the approach you
took to this piece seemed to explore the imagery and emotion
in a metaphorical context, yet when i looked deeper there
was also a nice blend of the literal, which is str8, as it shows
versatility, id say ya flow was decent though i dont really
think it matters that much as the storytelling was cool,
and very well explored, luv the complexity, overall nice
easy read, very unique style...keep rippin those scripts, peace

Overall this was a good piece and the vocabulary was nice and it didnt really struggle anywere...The flow was on and off but mainly on and it could use a lil improvement but its easily sorted my friend...i liked the concept...and as pakaveli asked why is this called untitled ? lol...the picture is kinda basic on your next piece ask me for the picture :) haha...But overall this was a good piece there were not any major problems in this at all just a few niggles...so sort them out, keep writing and drop dope, Well done..

Beautifully written. very complex piece. I enjoy the artistry of it, metaphor after metaphor. This type of piece can be as good as the perspective a person makes it. the story is open to interpretation in mind. Very strong emotions. Played topic, but with your unique flow and eloquently spoken message, everything came together very well. Keep writing, only thing I would improve on is the clarity of your message, forming it to be more specific and clarified. aite bro.

peACE

thanks people for th efeed appreciate it very much.

Pretty good piece. It had some nice meta's and an okay flow. The imagery was good, and it poured with emotion. At some points in it I think you could have worded certain parts different but meh, it's still good. Vocab. was good and the rhyme scheme kept me interested. Fav lines. *The end that had already been quoted. Good job once again, and keep up.

thanks appreciate it!

Excellent piece. Wonderful vocabulary, cool story line, lmao, sick multiple choice.

The only thing I didn't see it include were multies, because you had the presentation going fine, with pics, decorated words, and all that other stuff. Great job on this OM man, I'm glad to have you in BIKY.

Keep it up, and I'll keep reading. Just post the link in the crew thread.

1.

pretty decent stuff i liked the way it flowed ... but i think that kid is right this is poetry...but i see people posting poetry in here all the time so who cares? good shit original

its not poetry fucktard read the rhyme scheme lmfao...
ABAB poetry has no rhyme scheme defined man... so...LMFAO @ You

Thanks for the feed appreaciate it much!,

hmmm i felt this was i pretty nice piece...really good vocab work well with the subject you were portraying, subect tho is kinda dated remember shit like this a while back now..

rhyme scheme was nice different which i think made the whole piece different definatly
the standout bit of this piece...real good emotion words worked well with the emotion of the whole piece you had going as well dope...imagery was alright...

Quote:

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My name is Robert, may I have yours in return…
Lullaby’s of rose pedaled nurture; arouse this coal
Hoaxed genocides of love; Polaroid to burn
"The Name is Lilly, but you could call me missy
I ‘m not like all them other girls, I am not sissy or prissy.
I am a Libra, Pride with an outspoken heart I keep
Steadily pushing forth the core of earth palettes.
Striving I hold it steady, Brute strength I sweep
Crushing dreams under nightmares with my demonic malice "

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^ i felt that kinda reminded me of like a weird ass fairytale...lol meh


Overall this piece was nice not dope just wasn't feeling it that much. nice drop tho for sure. stay up

pz

Pretty cool, method, I think you wrote this pretty well... I didn't ever get into the flow of it that well, it kept kind of cris-crossing rhythms and finding itself getting rerouted by a new syllable-count of rhymescheme, so in that regard it could use some work, but word-wise this was good. A lot of good descriptions, albeit some of them a bit too vague, still came together for sort of a misty feeling piece, like, I never could quite latch onto this guy but I knew what he was feeling about the girl. GUess I've been there? Usually the feeling is tough to describe, weird strings of words seem to come to mind and that's what kind of happened here.

An interesting read, just a few things that may have called for a few reconstructions on some lines, but mostly a good little piece.