"Anathema" - AbstantiCollective

haha, i feel like everyone is missing the concept. it's an election, or more appropriately an anti-election. Legendz part is the new pledge of allegiance for a nation no longer alligned, while mindless's, soulstice's, and myself's verses are election speeches. hence the image at the end. it's not a piece about september 11th, it's just a synical/sarcastic take play on the state of current politics - subsiquently including 9/11 because that was a memorable event. thanks for all the feedback though.

^Exactly. And when you read it with that in mind you might pick up on other things. Regardless much love to everyone for reading this. It's appreciated.

i somewhat caught that i knew it wasnt about sept 11th.. it was political and it brought up all the past problems, but im not very politically knowledable, that shit usually dont interest me.. but y'all did well u guys ya should b happy with the outcome.

Apologies for the late return...took me a while due to other factors but yeah.....


Legendz

I liked how you gave a background sound to this, like in audio when they have a faded voice dropping knowledge or giving a clear message and backbone to the topic. Yup i liked your vocabulary which has always been precise and adequate plus your sprinkles of imagery were good to in creating a vivid picture that showed the scene, e.g. the forked tounges hissing gave me a first image of the snakes tounge but then another image of acidic female gossipers. You ended the piece very well to and like i previously said you gave this piece a good backbone.

Soultice

Your verse seemed as a satarcial soliliquay at points. Which i liked. Imagery and wording was used well, a set rhymeschem wasn't present to me but nonetheless the dialouges were fluid and easy to read. Plus your verses seemed as a rant at times to a clever rant but a rant nonetheless. The paper mache is played but the glue from the taxes line was good and to me your verses showed the fickelty of politics and goverment but how the materialistic world also needs them.Your verse to me was a very complete poem in the end and an enjoyable and an enjoyable one at that.

Atticus

Don't slit your wrists! lol...your repitition of the bleeding and writs etc did tie in with the final image but lets read your verse without the final image....i liked it, first verse was more poetical and didn't have a strong rhymeschem and was more prose like but not fully porse if you get what i mean. I liked your language and sarcastic comments type concepts that you used and have used before. That style really gets the reader into reading the part more na mean..2nd verse had a more definitvie flow i found it more nejoyable or should i say even more enjoyable as the first verse was good to. The 2nd verse had strong sarcasm in it...i mean with the white jacket line i could only think of the 9/11 movie which was made to get profit from an incident i doubt many have forgotten. Overall, i liked your verse, a good and very enjoyable part...another thing...you used the word dyeing was that meant to be there as in dyeing means when you dye something or was the word mean to be dying idk but yeah.

Mindless

Your first verse was FIRE!...striaght dope verse with good flips on concepts and very very sarcastic to me. Thus making it a very good read. The rhyming was very fluid and easily readable which again is a plus as you know..your erse gave a snese of ignorance...maybe it was written from that point..not saying you were ignorant because you had too much information to be but maybe your 13 year old character was. Your last verse was very good as well..kind of like a statement that you don't want to accept the social norm and your your own person...like a teenage rebellion sort of thing na mean. Overall, i liked your verse to twas very very good.

Overall

In totality this topical providied a very very strong and enjoyable read/message. The irony and sarcasm infused to make this a very good read. Overall, i liked this as a whole as each piece tied in with the previous. Good Good.

-Pak

First of the TOPIC was a nice one. This piece was well put together. The emotion of the piece overwhelmed me as I read through it. Each person covered their part in deep deep concepts. The Irony of the piece is what seemed to shock me. Each part went into detail about the wicked ways of the society which is my type of writing style. This piece covered every aspect from the teens to the politicans. Very Nice. Overall this was a very interesting read and a great collab.

well i consider this a HOF piece you guys were dope really dope, great topic first off, plus you found a way to describe what you were talking about in this piece without it sounding like anything I have ever read before, which show great lyrical skill from all, but my fav was what soultice put in that was a super way to open it up, i particully like this piece beacuase it shows that the govermnet cannot blind the people, great message i felt as if though you were shouting this in front of the white house for all to hear, good emotion from all,i liked the different styles atticus i thikn had the most unique verse he seems to think alot like me (not that we are any were near equal in skill) but in the way he dooes his piece i felt his bleeding throught to me more,the thing put into italics got me even more into it and that crazy pic at the end was a great way to close out the best piece i have read maybe ever s(ince i read one of bounces the first time i ever came on RB) from RB great job from all of you

Quote:

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Originally Posted by atticus

haha, i feel like everyone is missing the concept. it's an election, or more appropriately an anti-election. Legendz part is the new pledge of allegiance for a nation no longer alligned, while mindless's, soulstice's, and myself's verses are election speeches. hence the image at the end. it's not a piece about september 11th, it's just a synical/sarcastic take play on the state of current politics - subsiquently including 9/11 because that was a memorable event. thanks for all the feedback though.

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i diddnt miss the point i could see everyones point. nevertheless i just stated i'm tired of hearing anything even linked to 911

like even seeing 911


oh shit i just wrote it twice now


ha

pz

This was a nicely put together collab... very emotional and the stanzas from each person was packed with imagery and complixity like crazy. I liked the references to the missing tape and the 911 happenings. This piece was very deep and i enjoyed reading it. The nature of this collab was very releving to me when i read it. i was wondering when someone would do something like this. I just didnt think it would turn out quite this incredible. The parts that stood out the most to me are as follows.

and rid the land of the filth
in a vulgar display of power
the congregation prays for you
and demands you accept it
as it's principles mired in hate twisted
by forked tongues hissing

"When our youth is finished consuming
shotgun shells we can sell the smoking
jackets on the white market brackets
as a new and used collectors package!"

It's imperative these kids swallow all of the hollow fumes
assuming the toxins of politics can defuse their immune
communities to autistic; listing psychiatric incentives.
They treat us as lab rats and expect us to act attentive!
Delete my forged contract and scourge your Imax theatre;
after depleting the feature to purge each obscene preacher.
Your seat is here, clearly within the realm we seldom fear,
This is the future... you're heritage isn't welcome here.

libel slander
propaganda
from a campaign of hate
against a such liberated mindstate

Once again very dope read. Deffintly worth the time to read this... wish i woulda gotten to it sooner but have had some things i had to take care of first

Well done on this you guys this was a really nice read.Atti sorry it took me soooooo long to get back to this but lifes been busy.ANyway you guys all worked well together and I am hoping to see more collabs from you guys.The wording in everybodys verses was brilliant and it really sounded great.From start to finish it was all go with some great rhymes.Nice job you guys and I am looking foward to your next piece.This is a HoF for me

-Dyl

thanks everyone.

This was really good guys...

Legendz...did a good job of handling the transitions, it helped with the coherentness of this piece as a whole, thought that
"the congregation prays for you
and demands you accept it
as it's principles mired in hate twisted
by forked tongues hissing"
was your best part, also thought since you were givenso little to do, you could have done more with it

Soulstice...Sidewinder says "Yo dat Shit finna be whack" but I have to disagree, I thought your first stanze was the best.. liked the lines
"Black as these
boxes stacking the walls that gaurd
the borders of my insanity. The ones
that recorded MY voice within anothers
The voice of treason."
although gaurd should be guard. Your sporadic rhyming was a nice change of pace and you set up this piece well

Atticus...
"When our youth is finished consuming
shotgun shells we can sell the smoking
jackets on the white market brackets
as a new and used collectors package!"
That was a real dope line, you came with a nice sarcastic (or sadistic?) humor and pulled it off well. I thought your stanzas were packed with metaphors which came off real well

Mindless...your klst stanze was my favorite out of the whole piece and really ended the collab well...You're crazy use of internals and slant rhymes was pulled off dope, and like Atticus, your humor was very nicely done

This was dope guys, everything went well, the topic was nicely and more importantly uniquely covered, nicely done

Glad to see you're all here still.. Keep at it..

.. had to be upped :coolio:

this should have been legendary IMO...

It was close but no.
This is gonna be closed so Laur said we that ya cant up old peices.