As I...

Thanks.

are you new?

if you are, nicely done, if your not, still nicely done.
I think you did a decent job staying on topic with the picture, and you had pretty good flow throughout. There were a few flaws that would cost you later down the road, like deciding if you win or lose a topical battle, or if you elevate or not. The flaw was spelling. Grammer is harder to do, but spelling? All you have to do is copy and paste that shit into microsoft word. i.e. ach should have been ache. just simple shit that causes people to freak out when they read it. Dont worry though, you'll be better about it when you get more experiance. Overall you did pretty damn good for your first time if your new, if your not, keep elevating on those points I explained. pz, keep writing.

check my piece if you have time

Thanks for the tips.

was good. went through nicely. was well structured. lines were great, mean lyrical content, fucked up ass muthafuckin pic but the thread was great. like the new sway

Nice peice dude, for real. I liked it, and I think that you will get even better very soon. I can see you progressing with each peice, and technically, this peice was very good. You had a nice story, with great imagery, and your emotion was felt. I liked the short lines, because I usually go with short lines myself, so it was very nice too see imo. You keep elevating my man, and I can't believe how quickly you have picked up the skills needed to be a dope writer, you have done very well. But it doesn't end here, you need to get your own style, and refine it. Elevation never stops, EVER. Nice peice dude, keep at it.

Thanks.

yo this was too short u should've made it longer cause i wanted to read some more...this concept was very creative along with the way you wrote it which kept me reading...the internals were very cool in this...made the piece flow pretty well for the most part...not much i can say but this was a good piece to read but it should've been longer in my opinion..

tht pictures fucked...and not th gd type! lol

anyways...
the imagery in this piece is good, and strong. The rhyming is also good and ur best line for this was:
My face isn’t fake it’s a disgrace mistake
Lay in my place awake it’s my vase I break
For Christ sakes erase this head ach…
that part was jus dope. period.
This piece had an emo feel to it, and it is similar to the type of OM i was tryin to do earlia this year, but i cud neva do it this well
keep up^

Ins1

Nice piece man. This was pretty decent, coming from you man. I liked this piece, and I liked how you overall crafted this into a nice and deep piece. A good imagery and descriptive-wise piece. This would good, compared to the other pieces you've written, I liked how you crafted this man. Good job. A little disturbing picture at the begining but it fit in all and all. Nice.

Thanks..leave some links.

After reading this piece I was left with a feeling of abandonment, as with child abuse, which seems to make the overall intentions of this work more effective than first thought. More melancholy and overt in its message, but then again, I sometimes like my rhymes that way. Melodic and beautiful you truly are talented as a writer.

P.S
I liked how you made usages of the word “thrall”

“I’m a near thrall can’t see but can hear all”

It’s such an arcane and beautiful word that deserves more play in today’s poetry.