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Hey man, this was a pretty good piece here. I actually paused my tunes to really feel it. I could of read a bit more, meaning that you could of wrote deeper and more focused on the girl etc.. Nonetheless, I see you have some talent in writing. I would just suggest that you focus a little more on what your trying to get across. The title really only depicts what your saying in the end. It would be nice to hear things from you that why you think shes a stranger or why you cannot grasp that fact that she won't let you in. Decent drop, try to put a little more emphasis on it next time.
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i thought about later that i shoulda went into alittle more about the girl but yet i didn't want to say to much to keep her the stranger saying that i didn't know much about her yet i loved her but thanks for the feed bro
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No problem man, no hate either, you can only gain experiance by the more pieces you write.
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thanks again trep
and bump
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Good piece.....Didnt find anything really wrong with this piece lol.....Your flow was good which allowed your piece to read nice and easily.....You had good imagery in this i could picture things in my head whilst reading this.....Your vocabulary was nice and you had some multi's.....Your creativity wasnt to shabby either.....Good piece homes stay up. :thumbup:
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Nice drop mann i really enjoyed readin this piece you had a really nice vibe and flow on this shit mann. the way you develope your set up into each stanza was nice also the first couple of lines you had some very nice multies in piece Imagery was the shit i could actually close my eyes afterwerdz and vizulayze the piece in my head heres my favorite part of the piece bra
Your hindering my flame, and bringing me the pain
This life is so brief im in disbelief About this shame
girl you were my blessing my gift in my eyes my prize
inseperatable are life were tied and now it finally dies
I Can't Live
Time is passing, the terror of life is everlasting
i need drugs so i can forget about this love
Taking shot after shot yet the pain is not pasing
Im living in this a debt, i can't wait for my death
Cause im losing my mind, but yet i can't forget
Damn That was Hott as hell
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I liked the emotion in this and the image was used in a different yet qually correct way. Plus the sub heading under the image was very good i liked that. The first verse irked me as some of the rhymes were simplicit and i 'v seen them many times. As the om picekd up it got better and eloborated on the emotion even more. OVerall...in terms of presenetation and content it was a very enjoyable piece but it lacked pthe touch of intense description or imagery. Thoguh you did manage to set an atmosphere with the emotion imagery would have taken it to another level. Nice, GanKsta GanKsta.
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Tanks nig
last upp forever then let this die
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Nice peice dude, I really enjoyed it. You seriously have elevated a lot in the past couple of months. This peice was amazing imagery-wise, and I could imagine everything that you wrote, which I like in a peice, and which is what I try to do in my own work. The emotion in this peice was great, you really plucked the reader's heart strings, and made them really enjoy it. This was really well written my man, and I can't wait to see more work from you, I can see you being a top writer on this site some day, you could really make an impact on this board. Props Thug :coolio:
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wow i love you
Thug Love
Last upp just wanted it to be known
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ugh thats not even your piece lolz but i seen yourz one i'll feed it
