Major flaws in this Om right here, so bad that I just had to force myself to finsh the read. Wrod usage was questionable and just so many errors, it's like you guys didn't do any proof reading here. That would be minor if everything is fired on all cylenders, but that is not the case IMO. Good concept that kind of fizzled out in the end, nothing real positive for me to point out here, so Im going to have to poit out the negatives. You diction was off, your imagery was weak and your emotion never came through due to all the errors. Awkward in feel, and I thought for sure this would be a solid drop by you guys. Well, I thought that after I read grim talking about no one is peeping this in someone elses thread. Well, I could have read and moved on, but I decided that you guys need some help here. First off, pleae proof read your work, next try to incorperate language that not only fits the scheme, but also the toen of the peice. This jsut had to many places in which I thought, ouch, poor word chioce. The rhyme scheme was not strong enough to hold this ppeice up on it;s own. I would head back to the drawing board and re think this drop. Liek I said, great concept, jsut not executed well. No hate, just being compelty honest here.
