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ups....
thanks for all the feed guys - knew this one would turn out good :)
ok ok first of the structure and flow really didnt blend well i mean grim came stretched which threw off the next verse...lmfao..
besides that everything turned out very well..mad mad content and mad mad wordplay and consistant vocab and emotion aswell as multies i mean crazy lines all together though i should have been in this for the poetic side fel on it but its koo..lmfao!....
people panic at the sound of his hellish laugh, pain as their eardrums blast
the humans fall to there knees crying quickly repenting for there sins in the past
al the while the battle rages on, inferno covers most of the land
lifeless bodies cluttered on the ground, exactly how the devil had planned
demolished buildings, desolated bodies piled high on the floor
some still dont understanding asking god what is this for
neither side has won yet, neither side has quit it has been a million year but they carry on
fatigue not a factor, no one stops, both just keeps swinging their might arms
^^
Grims best lines even though it stretched at times.
As the claws of evil - draws upheaval - within a bloodstained abyss
Imbibed within the jaws of the dark army and their maul of a devilish kiss
Withered slaves of time – repaired and prepared – for this forsaken day
A fallen angel’s flawless brutality… Red – instead of its mistaken gray
Millions… Billions… draw apart of the forge of darkness’s forever scourge
Against the blasphemous words spoken above – forced to disgorge
The black dove of life… lay solemnly amidst our battle cry
An acute blade of a knife… lays force upon a satanic rule – we wish to abide
Horrid screams from their valves to the solid gleam in death’s eyes
As heavenly – divine – grace dies – it is our presence that survives
Undead soldiers – fortified – mortified – yet starve for revenge
Countless years and tears of their life – abandon them with something to avenge
^^
Ferocity your best lines here damn you always come hot!..
Look at the ruins of the once caked grounds
This sheltered the weak brethren of mine
Rises in the ground cover the grave mounds
That now houses the burnt molecules of time
Through thick & thin I remember a better place
A place where my mother cooked me meals
A place where my wife laughed with grace
Where my Dad closed new business deals
I remember the place before Armageddon I do
Now clouds shroud memories amidst the curfew
So I strum my torn heart & devour the scene
Of mortal flesh riddled with grey shells unseen
^^
was more poetic and the style was like a poem but nice lines...
lol :) thanks for the good feed my man.
like i said b4 i was even done with the verse,,,its kinda streached...but its good shit...
ups for feeed
i enjoyed this piece....nice and deep
had good multis...Good metas...very discreet verses...
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what else u want me2 say?....its basicly dope... :)
its just the topic is over used but u niggas gave it a fresh sence..
keep it up!!
thanks man - uppin for feed
...this here was some serious shit...i have to say that you three ate this topic...the imagery of person to person was nasty...and the vivid distinctions u brought among the topics themself...flat out murdered the topic...let me bring detail to the table...
Grim 9.5/10...easily u came wit the holy shit down pack...the wordplay was omnious and switched up droppin facts without questioning...u gave the good appearance to a horrible event which enabled ferocity to come with the evil shit no problem...def. good drop
Ferocity 10/10...you killed the evil part taken that shit to another level...the way u came at evil gave a terrible image to the readers mind which is the purpose of pieces like these...i have to say there is no more need say...
Pakaveli 9/10...i didnt expect much from a civilian but u showed the person view pretty damn ill...the contrast u made between the TWO FORCES fighting and the curiosity brought by the human was nice...u expressed feelings and comprehension only a human would know...great job...cuz sometimes telling forces from reality isnt easy but u had it nailed forreal...
*HOF easily...no more Armageddon topics...cuz this shit should b the final one...i've seen many Armageddon topics but this ate them all...
wow - thanks for the great feed man. many cheers to you lol. :)
uppin'
tks mayne....lol...i like that last 2 lines u wrote....lol...tks for the good feed...
uppin for some more feed :)
This was a decent peice had several high points. I'm looking at this two ways, as indivual verses and a collab. It's much better as a collab than individual peices. I think pak's part anchors this down, helps balance the thing. Detail in this was what stood out the most, it made up for issues in meter and scheme. Not bad, just kind of predictable and lacked in writers voice. It wasn't convincing, until you got to pak's Iverse. He has the better writers voice and more polished than the other writers. I think some of the awkwardness pak worked out over the course of say 10 drops, should be lesson for the other two writers here. Good yes, but you want to transition into dope... The meter set in your lines sets up your placement of rhymes, people are missing that and come off as awkward and ill timed. Word choice is another thing I would work on, you know the polishing touches. That sums it up, the piece is missing polish.
Pak, good job on your verse, like I mentioned your verse heldit down here. If the others were the same, I would have nominated this myself. The others jsut came off as rough.
wow - im actually suprised you dropped feed on this piece, im actually pretty honoured :)
the funny thing was, i think pak wrote his verse, thinking this was the armageddon involving a massive meteor crashing into the earth, not religious armageddon. But its funny how it still blended in well :)
but thanks for stopping by Bounce. im very grateful for your extended feed.
peace and cheers.
not problem, I peep most Om's and every one that gets a nomination. So, chances are if you drop dope, I'll see it.
you can peep any of my latest Om's, latest is Fuck Forever..
thanks