thanks.
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thanks.
this drop was fuckin dope man......not many flaws at all
you had flow that stayed on and didnt fall at like any time...
multies were there like crazy....which i love in drops..to bad im not that good at them:(
vocab was pretty sick for the whole drop i just didnt wanna stop reading this...
topic was really good i have yet to read this kinda topic....
wordplay was there thru the whole drop....
and i really liked how you did the strutre cause it made it eazy for me to read..
look out for my next peiece please i could really use some pointers :rolleyes:
is this poetry or somethin
don't post in here again.
no its literature :mad: :bored:Quote:
Originally Posted by moneyonmymind
vocab was great suited the topic..topic was creative..alot of multis that flowed fluently..
u had a good structure and scheme..
Kept me reading so u did something right..
wordplay etc was around and it was very unique..like myself said very opinionated
wtf happened to u :mad: fucker changing his style.
..............
............
..........
.......But it worked :love:
Seven inches of ribbed barrel, with a tip of ice
Black wood grip panel, gold bead front sight
V-notch rear sight, it just doesn’t miss the target
‘please remove this firearm, from my face, sergeant’
He peers into my eyes, my once submissive trainee
Has lied, this foolish young man, has betrayed me
Generals, of our enemy, the animals, and the vandals
Used him to get to me, then blew us out like a candle
I will not speak, for I have been betrayed, it’s too late for me
But my men, may lead, our siege, and bring us to victory
I put up no mêlée, for my time has come, I am not frightened
Enlightened, for I know now, there is a meaning for fighting
^^^
so much detail that u can invision in.. whole thing created a picture
fucking prefectionists :bored:
w00t I can't believe I'm getting such a positive reaction...I thought I was making a huge mistake in changing my style, apparently not
Good read, I really liked the whole concept of being held captive, and fate turning around, you really captured the final feelings of someone who is about to die, at first though it was off flow, but it got on track, thats the only bad thing I can say about it, you had nice multis, and I saw a good similie in there, there was a lot of emotion from start to finish, you kept me interested and wanting to read your piece throughout the drop...
Shackled in manacles, beaten by animals, spat on and mocked.
Choc-a-block with thoughts, while my heart prepares to stop
Favorite line, I thought that was a very good intro to petraying the life of a prisoner at war, this was overall a very nice drop...
If you could return the favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304140
Thanks.
This is some hot ass shit yo! Choice of topic was interesting, but in a good way. u FLOOOOOOWED with that topic and ur vocab was amazing. This piece was dope homie.
This was a quite enjoyable read. Not to impressed with the vocabulary because it' consisted of very few knowlegable words. The rhyme scheme was great. Wordplay like alway's brought out the imagery to where you can almost picture it happening. It quickly jumped from one thing to another, i didnt relize what he was shooting at in your first italic's. You should explain a little more in detail so we know majority of what is happening. As to conclude my feedback, i thought the ending was creative.
.
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Will you leave feed on my om' as well, thank you.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post4794111
My double action pistol, is all I need in this battle
Rattled, my enemy, are strapped up like a saddle
I have but one, trusted gun, I discharge a round
With a thud, and a pound, my target falls to the ground
^dude how could you not know what he was shooting at?
but yea thanks for the feed
I was speaking of this, wording was messed up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Witness
yea,but the dude wasn't shooting then,wtf?
anywayz yea thanks for the feed
If he was not shooting, then why reload?Quote:
Originally Posted by The Witness.
That's my point.
Leave feed on my om' in return of my feedback to you, thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mc Mystique
ooooh I get what you mean, yea, I did'nt realise that mistake,it's supposed to say load. not reload.
Sorry for the confusion.
Can you drop a few lines of feed on my peice?