Thanks it's appreciated.
Printable View
Thanks it's appreciated.
ok this piece was very well written by both and I loved it.Imagery and creativity was fuckin amazing and you both pulled it off excellently.Nice job on that.
Vortex-You wrote some seriously good shit here and you were so descriptive with your writing which made it so real to me.The flow of the piece went very well and it was a plesure to read.The flow muight have fell of once or twice but other than that is was excellent writing.Well done vortex and keep it up.
Pak-ok Pak like I said to Voretex......that was some dope shit.You continue to drop dope pieces all the time and it is great to watch.Your emotion within the piece was really very good and you displayed it through your excellent discriptive writing.Metas were great to read and really added to the piece
Keep this up guys.Really good read and I loved it.You should collab again,because you write with similar styles.
-Dyl
thanks, preciate the comments na mean..stay up.
Vortex. Thin you dope because you do 4 lines every verse? Well those were some nice 4 lined verses. The wordplay came well from both along with Rhyme Skeme. The flow went well due to great wordplay and well rhyme skeme. The creativty and imagary was nice. The story plot was wonderful. Over all great OM. 9-10 Keep writing guys.
~LeX
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leximus
Preciate the coments, but what that about
Lol I was just messing around. You know me man lol.
this was a nice piece...good flow and vocab..alright mettas and multies....keep this kind of shit up..not a bad pieace
overall-9/10
......nice drop
thanks for the comments.
I think that Vortex brought it very strong in the first six lines or so, and then he got less dope with his verse, personally. It started very strong with great stringing rhyme schemes and language and really got me into this to start with. I think it was just so good, I thought, that it kind of overshadowed the second part of your verse, which I do not think was as well constructed. But I think a really good side of you came out in the beginning and you had fire for a minute there.
Pak, your verse was more consistent, but I don't think you ever quite had a line or series of lines that particularly impressed me or made me say "Wow," to the point the beginning was for me. I think you did manage to end it well, and I liked the little 333 phrase about being doubled for men, clever, but I think you need to take ideas like that and use better word choices to be sure they sound better.
Keep writing, I liked this, I suppose not so much as some others giving feedback, a lot of people really seem to like this collab, but me personally, I think I've liked some other things you've done better then this, Pak.
Preciate the comments and pointers, thanks
Wow...this was just an amazing piece.
Vortex- Your verse was a great way to start an this om, your vocabulary was to another level, your rhyme-scheme was incredible, your piece flowed vibrantly throughout the whole drop, you had very strong multis throughout your verse, you had extremely strong emotion, every line was just amazing, your verse was also very interesting, you kept me reading the whole time, you stayed on point, you never trailed off, you put everything in great order from start to finish, your verse was near flawless, you had some really standout lines in it all too
Swimming in dicey rivers, icy shivers rushing thru slick spine cords,
Illness filling my pores as time Lords enact crimes w/ shined swords,
This was by far my favorite line of yours, your whole verse was worded very nicely, good job.
Pakaveli- I knew it was going to be hard to match up with his verse, but you did, you picked up right where he left off, in flow, and talent, and you did it in much shorter lines, your verse really had multis and metaphors galore, it was outstanding, the emotion in your drop was great too, you also stayed on track, and I think that your verse was a great ender to the om, you really did a nice job with wording, and explaining every line in-directly, start to finish, your verse was a great read, I did enjoy yours a little more than Vortex's, just because your last four lines really gave this whole piece a legendary like status, and feeling too it
Words drop in ink-lets, join as an anklet that’s links don’t fade.
Words drop in ink-lets... and chains of anklets are made
Your strongest line by far, I thought this line made your verse as good as it actually was, good drop man, good job.
This collab was great, you guys worked very well together, you picked a great topic, pak picked up where vor. left off, it was incredible, this was a great read, big props. to both of you, I look forward to reading more, Great om.
If either of you could return the favor, on my piece "Killers Metabolism", that'd be great
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304140
thanks.
Preciate the extenise comments, i'll check ya linkage before the end of the day an eman...stay up
yeah f'sho. thanx a lot for those extensive feeds.
ill try hit up sum mo ya'll piecesreal soon
pz
edit
btw i also fixed up the flow on those couple lines. changed a couple words.
Lets collab hoe face. :love:
who u talking to peanut head