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This was a nice read, the topic was a bit played. But a good read nevertheless. The piece was nice, didn't always flow from line to line, but the vocab was there, the imagery was there, and it just went together well for a nice enjoyable read. They will tell this story for generations to come I'm sure, just not in rhyme form :)
Nice drop, keep writing. :2thumb:
ok first of all some lines were stretched, the read can usually tell a verse is gonna be stretched on a forum like this when the person who posted it use a small font, people have been using the user a smaller font to make it look like the lines arent stretched technique for ages, lol.. sure it makes it look like its not stretched, but it doesnt matter how it looks, anyways this wasnt bad, had its moments, people write about soldier stuff all the time though so it was hard to get into this since i expected some of the things that were said to be said before I even read it. word of advice though, for a piece like this thats a pretty sad one, you shouldnt use curses in it, it changes the mood. usually curses in pieces give them a less serious look and feel. keep dropping
ok david ill take ur advice
Yeah, this was a sick experience of a soldiers worst nightmare. In the middle of combat and a man is down next to you...do you help him, or save yourself...real shit. The imagery was awesome in this piece fo real, was like a short movie...and the flow was straight through, UNTIL, around the last 4 lines, I got lost...but still caught the ending in the last line. Vocab and word placement was good, wouldnt change nothin. Good job, keep writin.
thanks man
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