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yeah coo lil drop.more a poem in my opinion tho.not really a rap. which i am into both. but liike to seperate the theories.
rhymes was good tho still n def gave it sum rap flava.......
apart from i diddnt like seeing all those tion sion rhymes in a row. it limited rhyming possibilities. retaliation..exclamation, b;ah blah.
plus a few rhymes seemed forced in my accent anyway. working only in a poetic sense..... alot of words seemed to be thrown in 4 da sake of it, and held no weight. or maybe wasnt worded right..
i liked the 2nd chunk better. just the way the form and flow dropped
well thats enuff from me
pz1
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Nice read.
I feel that the flow wasnt forced, but not enough effort went into it. Also, dont force multies Silent, if they come along, they come along. Don't adjust the line to the multies. Other than a few other beginers mistakes from Silent, this piece was good. I like the meta's used. Pakaveli has really turned into quite a writer. Good job both.
Please check out my piece in signature.
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I really liked this. The wordplay was just plain out wonderfull. You can tell you guys took your time and put plenty of heart into this peice. :). Which I well respect that. I thought the flow was great. Carried well through the whole thing. I felt Pekivali had more creativty but Silent had more Imagenary. Which is a good thing through my eyes. I liked the structre...It was basic which made it a easy read. The Story itself was incredible with good emotion. I could image this whole peice in my head. I love when a peice does that. I give this peice a 9-10. Keep it up both of you.
~LT
If you have MSN add me
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Laying helpless on thy floor covered with bruises of ones perfection
Battered dimension, trampled in digression
She searches ever more still she is a lost cause even in her reflection.
She rises to fall, crumbles to crawl
The grip of Satan chokes with such a vice grip, she see's none at all
The ocean settles crash, with a deceiving splash
For she hopes for one day to be free as the waves, free at last
^THat was dope. The flow and imagery was really profound in this part of the collaboration. I don't know who Silent is, but this was pretty good. Your word choice was very calm, yet fluid with the content, like your metaphor isn't obviously forced into this piece at all. Cool shit.
The sapling that had thrust away the branches of care
That had snared the very essence of despair
Stared now at the outspread allegory of love
The pin pointed needles that stained the dove
^I liked. As your part progressed, the content seemed to slow down a bit, but it didn't overshadow the fact that this was a pretty well-written piece by the both of you. Both counterparts (you two) meshed very well together incorporated your particular parts into the concept. Point being, it was an interesting read.
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thanks nique..im just a writer tryna get known and respected like everyone else...
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Lol @ my feed back not getting thanked. W/E.
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blah thanks everyone for the feed really appreciated my dudes!..
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I want my feed to be appreciated alone like Niques lol.
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Preciate the new comments form , Jonathon, Lil Thug and Nique and Vortex, Stay up and i'll check all your links soon
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PAK finally your on my dude....PM me we need to talk fellow and shit yea uppin this
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Silent- Alrigh this was a good drop by you, very complex and deph. The imaginary was good and along with that, the emotion tooked over. You worded your sentences nice. The middle with the Multi got me interested and felt I sould read more. Ok, It seems you've been elevating alot. The concept was cool, I'm thinking the character was drowning and someone was choking her and here....
As fear is looked dear, straight in the eye
animosity builds with strides of carelessness that collides
taunting breeding, Hurtful feelings good-bye
Waived on a decadent plateau of emancipated tears and lies
...Got me thinking that your character was drowning. The way you've described your character was decent. Keep writing
Pak- Cool, I liked it, not the best i've seen from you though. Meta's were decent, along with descriptive words. There was a character but you didn't reveal its emotions which was cool and I very Much liked Topicals that way. Your approach to the Topic was cool. Bland, cliche and vague on your part though, if you ask me. Your narrative is ok, but I would advise you to use 3rd person from now on nah mean. Overall good drop on your part.
This collab was cool, not what I expected though. Peace
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why finally thank you very much!...
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Preciate the pointers but i'm tryin to switch between the prospectives now and then to be able to grip a better style for topicals.
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To start off I'm feelin the structure. Strong vocabulary (both of you), I found the collab depressing because of the topic. Now that I've finished reading it I think I'ma go cry. LOL jk
Good job.
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