I'm Sarcastic And Coronas Are Healthy

hah, i liked this peice for some reason, it was different, you had nice emotion here, i can relate to alot of what you wrote, when i came in here i didnt know what to expect, hence the title, and as it started it just hit me, nice use of metaphores and it was deep, some wording couldve been a lil better i thought, but overal it was good, your use of vocab was also on point... the creaivtiy you used here was amazing had some twists to it, i havent red much of your stuff, but this was good, because like i said i could relate to it, and i was inreged from it, makes me think of "all those times" lol, made me laugh aswell, a few lines had me chuckling.. alcoholic salad was one of them and the rest of that.. it was just a real different peice i havent red anything really like it before, probably because i dont read much open mics but yea, i enjoyed it it had my full attention the whole way through..

props.

thanks people.

Hmmm... This piece IMO was really good... To me the structure was really good making it easy to read... The actuall flow and rhyme it self was really easy to understand and read... Like you said it did have a lot of metaphors in it which people can interpret in their own way... My favourite part of this piece was ;

"There's a bridge called Eye and I just crossed it
Mr. Piss-drunk while pissed with a pistol-mentally
I used to drink heavily until I couldn't think steadily
But I calmed down for the sake of my body's clinched chemistry"

That flowed really well for me and I though the content and rhyming was dope...

My favorite quotable part is:

Quote:

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I'm tumbling into the remarkable core
Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
I'm not even wondering where you are anymore
The sun sleeps after I give the moon it's sleeping pills
Creeping mills of sweeping chills...

---

This was...well this is good. Not Chocolate City per say but good lol. I enjoyed your metaphors as they brought vivid images with wording. The awesome flow balanced the uncanny sequence of a party night. The wonderous thoughts put it into this were written clearly. The structure matched the flow perfectly. Imagery was wow like I said before. Almost like I was there to see this. Great Bro.

No offense because I don't care about your metaphors, I read the piece once and it was interesting. Although I saw that twinkle twinkle thing in one of Cry's text battles, it was still funny. ABout the metaphors though, its not that I don't care, its just not my style to read a piece over and over to get more out of it. It didn't seem like there was much hidden meaning though, seemed like most of the content was fairly obvious. anyway, I like how you were creative without being overly vague or wordy.