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you need a lot of work man, this was well below the average. Many flaws in the peice, form misused words to the use of non existant words, (at least in modern times). I was quicly turned off by the flaws in this peice, one bieng brought up in feed above and others such as unseperable... In the terms of yuur verse and context, since I didn;t see ny hints of classic language, the word should have been inseperable. Now if you were writing this in classic languge I might have given you that, since the word does show up in that context. But it's cler that you were not striving for that, isnce the peice was way out of it's league if that were the case.
Your rhyme scheme was the issue moe than anything else, it was baisic and very novice. You had some areas where your discription was good, but nothing original, it was all done before, such as the line with...
morning grass with droplets of dew
now tghat is real good use of imagery, but not origianl, I have read people use the veryr same description countless times, so I just could not get into this peice.
better luck next time, you have a long way to go interms of elevation, so keep working on it..
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ok i now relize this rhyme scheme was to basic i'll try to drop something with a more complex one next time uppin some feed
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You had alot of grammatical flaws and spelling issues, but the piece was pretty emotional. I mean, everything else was just kind of there and I felt like the piece dragged a bit... But there was still this feeling of heart and true emotion throughout that kept me reading. So even though I really didn't like the piece, it had a sort of charm to it that made it interesting. You've not nice emotive lines, I'd suggest you venture off into more complicated rhyme schemes and metaphorically driven metaphors to achieve a more well rounded piece.
And... You can't "decease." It's not a verb, it's an adjetive. One can't decease, but he can kill, murder, ect. but you can't death, dead, or decease someone.
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ok well with the decease thing everyones telling me different things so ima leave that one alone but thx for the feed uppins
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