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Dope read, I really felt this shit alot. Cool the way you worked with such an intense vocabulary but nothing else ever fell off at any point. The whole storyline and shit was very creative and thats my favorite part about it, when something sounds so fresh to you. Hot shit.
thanks dude.
Over-protected and profoundly scarred by domestic violence
In the dead of night, her mother’s screams would pierce the silence
^i liked this for some reason..
yeah i cant say i dis liked it, it was cool the topic you used was ok, you stayed on topic which made it easy to read and flow well.. rhyme sceme was good aswell.. but one thing that stands out in here to me that you havent used so much of is the multies, they seem to make the flow just that little more sicker, i liked your use of multies in the frist couple of paragraphs... the last paragraph was my fav tho.. i liked it alot, it was real deep..
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Although I can definately apreciate the poetic values of this piece, at the same time I think it lacked to many essential qualities of a topical piece to be qualified as a good Om. I mean, I'm not too too picky with flow, look at anything I do and flow is very creative and no where near standard... So I support the use of illiteration and assonance and what not, but still, you've got to find a better medium between creative flow and classic rhyming for it to work successfully. The content, was beautiful, poetic rhythems of creative metaphore and originality really culminated in an excellent mental aesthetic. So, you've got a few things that are fairly minor to work on... But you're showing alot of potential and growth man.