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the oppening was good but then u got a little carried away
i loved the idea, its something we all can relate 2...
but i felt it wasn't all that hard hittne and the rhyme scheme wasn't so good
imagrey was their
the story was weird, i didn't feel u put depth in2 it to make the reader want to read more and enjoy it...
Story wasnt to consistant and alot of details and imagry wasnt clearly expressed i understood wat u were dayin but i had to analyze ur piece to get there, the flo also wasnt to consistant and majority of the rhyme was basic, vocab could have been used a lil better, i havnt read ur other pieces but reading the other feeds for a warm up piece this was good.
Plez leave feed on my new OM
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...71#post4534471