Swallowed And Gutted

word I left feed on this in BR....so leave feed on mine here :)

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292491

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Heartbroken man swallowed by pains and torment
The matter rules the mind, rubbishing lover’s intent
Grief of the lone lover in lone midsummer sheets
Reminiscing love they would make in summery heats
Yet the lover alone, the heat of stoves warms him now
Asks lord questions about her, where, why and how
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yeah sic f'sho. flow was heated . rhymes was on. elements was Packed full chocful. content was deep.. visual imagery was topps shotter ish. yeah format was crafted poeticaly . and all points hit on joint ... yeah more hof shit f'sho. or was that shit f'shizzle. of da whizzle boyee. . i prefer to see more sickermore multies still. adds more complex dialect to da lyrical set. but yeah hot ish joint. stay raisin

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word. this was a very good drop. Nice topic. pretty interesting
imagery was nice and you had a great opener with nice illiteration.
I was feeling that.strcture and flow was dope throughout.
rhymes were good and overall this was a good peice.keep it up

preciate it, ayo Ninjah i'll get up th multies soon

uppin

wouldn't mind more comments

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pakaveli

wouldn't mind more comments

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word

This was a nice topic/write...i liked the way you went with it, and be creative all in all..you have great use of wordplay,alliteration,rhymescheme etc...the structure was good, vocab was well above average....you portrayd great imagery in most lines, aswell as emotion..this was definetly a solid drop..the only thing that was meh IMO is your actual flow, just seemd a lil rough with transitioning from one line to another..but other than that..very strong drop!

Werd.

Very good topic and drop. You stuck to the topic and executed it well. You had a very good choice of vocab and exucuted it very well. You're imagery was great, I was visualizing this whole picture as I was reading it. Structure very good. Overall it was just a really nice piece man. Keep it up. Peace

preciate all comments, thanks

uppin'

Originally Posted by Dyl
Ok I liked this a lot.I really got into this and found it a very enjoyable read.You hit everything spot on and vocabulary made the read even better.

Heartbroken man swallowed by pains and torment
The matter rules the mind, rubbishing lover’s intent
Grief of the lone lover in lone midsummer sheets
Reminiscing love they would make in summery heats
Yet the lover alone, the heat of stoves warms him now
Asks lord questions about her, where, why and how
^^This was my favourite bit,some brilliant imagery was used

I like where you went with this and you showed a lot of creativity and showed once again how good of a writer you are.Really nice drop and i'll be looking out for more as always



^^^^
Worded perfectly.......This was a Brillinat Piece...

preciate the comments

*claps hands*

damn man, this shit is so fuckin deep. I love your work man. I wish you could join mah crew but I know your in TNL. but yeah great vocabulary. I love the flow on this and the structure was on point. This was the best piece I've seen in a while. Good work man. keep it up. I would love to have your feedback on any of these if not both. I think you left feed on one but Life In Solitude or Verbal Abuse. They are in my sig. keep writing man. I love your work. And if you want to peep my crew that link is in mah sig also.

preciate it, i'll check up one of ya links in a min