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this was a very nice peice,you had everything in this,although I have seen better.....you had a nice structure and it was very easy to read,the flow was very good, I have only read a few of your peices and I have loved every single one of them,and beilieve me when I say,not a lot of people have me loving their writing. I think you may have rushed the ending, it seemed like you just couldn't be bothered to write anymore so you finished it as quick as you could, but it still turned out fine in my eyes...nice peice,keep at it
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leave feed on my OM 'Two sides of a fight' it may be long,but I don't think it will be a wasted read
thnx
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Well, the kid who said it was an amazing story lied. It was only a decent story. BUT the piece itself was damn good. You took an average ass topic that I wouldn't have even read (or at least replied to) had someone else written it & made it a good read. Excellent flow, while maintaining the storyline. Good use of imagery btw. If you would put your talents to use on a better topic & went into it further, easily legends every time.
Pz!
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Yeah, like I said - I rushed it towards the end, and the RSTL league is currently defunct, lol, just as I was starting to get back into writing topically too ..
Oh well, fear not, I`ve re-joined the league at PR and will probably post those pieces here for RB`s perusal when I get round to it .. Thanks for the peepage, all of you. It is appreciated.
Pz!
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The concept was creative and the scenery u set was kept me interested so good job with the imagery. The usage of words with the rhymescheme was so smooth and easy to read... the rhymes were complex with great multies. The presentation was pretty much great and i liked the ending even tho it's claimed to be unfinished. This was cool, but maybe something a lil bit more creative would have been better instead of her getting stabbed to death.. u know if it would had been strangled by a shoe-lace or something you would be able to bring out so much more emotion and drama.
good shit man, can u please return the favor in my sig there's a link to my most recent open mic "is it a sin to kill an insect?"
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I like your shit cam, i read your pieces alot but mostly dont have time to leave feed.
I think your concepts are dope, kinda unusual but it makes it more intresting. You got a real good flow, just makes the whole piece come together real nice and its an easy read. Good use of emotion but it seems like its kept to this certain calmless (cant really explain it) even the last couple of last lines, where in terms its violent are better read softly, its just real good. Plus your vocabulary is spot on most times, sometimes i think peeps overuse vocab but you use it at the right time and it makes for a better read.
Overall a real good piece, not the best i've read from you but still dope lad.
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I liked this alot... Seems different from you typical work though. I think it lacked as creative of a flow as I've grown acustomed to seeing you produce. It really doesnt matter though because the flow on this was still very strong and held itself consistantly. The story, on point with every other story you fabricate... Detail is just immaculant and every emotion and image is described to a tee. The only thing I didn't like was the length, I always feel like Im getting jipt when I reed an Om from you... Because it's always either really short or unfinished. I think a full lengthy piece from you would be amazing, I'm really hoping to see one soon. But, this was a great piece regardless of my minor complaints. Loved it.
It'd be dope if you could return the favor on my new Om,
In the Shadows of the Livingroom
Thanks alot, I really apreciate it.
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Im working toward something 'long-ish' lol. I used to write 100-line novels, but that was when I had only a basic grasp of rhyme scheme, so it was much easier to do. A lot of my old work was simplistic A, B multies at the end of bars and start of the following bar, which was good at its time - but nowhere near the level of work I produce now. And while some may not like the length, it is REALLY hard to pull out a piece of great length with THIS level of complexity. No matter who you are! Lol. But yeah, I have a number one contendership match this week at a rival board and it looks certain to become an epic. Im still toying with this 'new' style at present, which could be another factor in the lengths of my recent stuff, but im working on it. Glad to know you're all with me!
Thanks,
- CamZilla.
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Think you could hit that favor for me man?
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what can I say.. extremely well written, and each line was executed beautifully.. the flow was smooth and dramatic, I think you conveyed the exact mood you were shooting for.. couldn't have been done better imo.
nice work.
