Well thank you man. Much appreciated.. really.
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Well thank you man. Much appreciated.. really.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evolve
there was a few multies. the other rhymes were not multies in my books. unless say
u talking minimal 2 syllable multies..
i mean-
emerged in death with my sights set & hoping..
that I'd connect w/ any person I'd known when..
Yet, I was unpleasantly surprised by the smile i seen.
It was this kid I had regretfully met when i was a teen.
He was the one who got me to drink'n first try some weed.
Then he would supply my need whenever I would fiend.
not multies^
recognised this cat. I met him in college, back..
when I had left to regroup & get some knowledge. That..
^multies
I remember the time he climbed the tower at school..
and threatened to jump like some damn cowardly fool..
^sort of broken multies......
For him it was fun.. but for me it was no picnic.
So I decided to leave him there with all of his sick shit.
2 syllable multies.
He basked in the excellence of all that God had made...
And it was because of him that I died after I was saved
Cause for the last 5 years of my life.. it was to the Lord I gave.
And when he passed.. I fell to a hudled mass in his grave.
^not multies. so i'm just saying u had some . and some were basic. but basicaly it wasnt chock or consistant with multies. no big deal i guess i was just saying so coz i wanted to.......
1
I think ive read this before, if not - then you've used similar type themes before, because I definatly remember this .. Overall it wasnt bad, there's hints at what was to come in there if you look at it hard enough! The flows smoother, certain rhyme pattern switches in there etc, theres definatly a glimmer of the legend-in-waiting there even at this early stage, that's great to see. Flow was on-point, content was good, and even just the concept behind it is a fairly original take to possess. For what its worth, I liked it -
Maybe more so that the newer kids here cos it gives a comparrison of what you WERE, to what you are now.
Madd respect Rich ..
Thanks Cam.. likewize. And for ninja.. you have no idea of how long ive been doing this for you to tell me about multies or anything else. Never the less, i respect your attempt at honesty... considering i could, and probably would.. write circles around any of these cats if i had time to. I am bored and a lil tipsy tonight... so i will leave this till tommorow.
good peice....i liked the topic...interesting to me
flow was nice overall...very smooth continuesly...
imagery was tight. and vocab was here all the way
overall this was a good read..good job..keep it up
Nah...Ninjah in a way was right. . what he was saying was that you had good internal rhyme, however you didn't have what most people would consider a 'perfect' multi... (for example slamming with shame / damming with fame, terrible example but w/e) which ISN'T a bad thing.. and he wasn't trying to bash you. . Anyway, I loved this piece. A lot of great rhythm to it, as usual. . In fact, I like how you rhyme, you don't seem to care for a "perfect" rhyme scheme...you just sort of go with it, you rhyme a lot...but almost never force it to rhyme... which makes your piece more interesting to read. Also, this piece had a great storyline. The only fault i can find is that at times you had bad transitions from one part of the story to another... and I also didn't like how sometimes you would continue a sentence on two different lines, that shit always throws me off. Other than that... the piece was dope... & I look forward to seeing more from you. btw, i agree with what camarac said about the legend in waiting
peace!
Sorry bout that Ninja.. i was under the influence.. lol. I apprecaite the feedback from everyone. What up Feebs